slices of life, vol. 10

Here are some funnies from the last few weeks:

Commenting on the sunrise one morning -

Gideon: Mommy, have you seen the colors? Dere's orange, yellow, pink, and blue.

Me: I know. God is quite the artist.

Jonah (chiming in): He sure is. You know why?
(Points at himself)
Cause He made this guy.

________________________

Jonah: Dad, did you fart?
Matt: No.
Jonah: Ok, I must be smelling my fart then.

________________________

From Matt:

Patrice called me on my way home from work to ask me how close I was (5 minutes out), and tell me she left her purse at school and needed to get it. She was going to leave Jonah home alone since I was so close.
I passed her in the driveway, so he was in the house for about thirty seconds by himself. When I went inside Jonah proclaimed, "Dad, I was the only human here! It felt good to be king of the house with Deac as my sidekick!"

_________________________

From Matt:

Jonah was having a tough time today following directions, being respectful, and was not using his brain at all.

For example, he threw up (not because he was sick, but because he took too big of a bite and gagged) and then immediately blew his breath in my face.

Patrice: Every decision you are making is horrific.
Jonah: Can you change that "H" to a "T?"

My kid has his moments, but most of the time he is "torrific."

_________________________

From Matt:

Two of this weekend’s many disagreements:

Jonah: I’m done.
Giddy: Jonah, play with me!
Jonah: No! No hitting, no weapons, no playing dead. (brief pause) Actually, yeah, just play dead.

Giddy: You’re a dork!
Jonah: No, you’re a dork!
Giddy: Gideon’s not a dork, and Dad’s not a dork, and Mom’s not a dork, because none of them are Jonah.

_________________________

From Matt:

Scene: Giddy spills yogurt on carpet and Patrice discovers it a few minutes later.

Patrice: Gideon, did you spill yogurt on the carpet?

Giddy: No.

Patrice: Then what is this all over the carpet?

Giddy: (Looking at yogurt) Dust.

_________________________

From Matt:

Giddy seems to be getting really excited about praying lately.

Monday:
Dear God,
Fank you for dis day. Fank you dat giwaffe not eat me. Fank you dat hippopotamus not eat me...(this continued for about two minutes of thanking God for a host of carnivorous and non-carnivorous animals not eating him).
In Jesus Name, Amen.

Tonight:
Dear God,
Fank you for dis day. Fank you for Darf Bader. Fank you for my family.
In Jesus Name, Amen.

The force is strong with this one.

__________________________

From Grandaddy (Matt's Dad):

It was time for the afternoon sword fight in the front yard. Giddy had a foam sword in each hand. I had an identical sword. Jonah came outside, after getting a drink of water, and said he needed a sword. Gid just looked at him, with a sword in each hand. So I gave Jonah my sword. I told Gid I couldn't fight because I did not have a sword. Using perfect 4 year old logic he told me, "Well doofus, you are the one that gave your sword to Jonah."

slices of life, vol. 9

After singing “Only a Boy Named David” to Jonah at bedtime, Jonah and I were discussing the story of David and Goliath.

Me: What was the Giant’s name?
Jonah: Goliath.

Me: What was the little boy’s name?
Jonah: David. But Mommy, David killed Goliath. And Goliath need to go to the hospital.

Me: Oh he did?
Jonah: Yeah, he need to see the doctor.

Matt was reading the creation story to Jonah from his Jesus Storybook Bible. When it got to the part where it says that Adam and Eve realized they were naked, Jonah said, “Does Adam have a penis? Why Eve not have a penis?”

(One night at bedtime.)

Jonah: Why David kill Goliath?

Matt: Because Goliath was very bad.

Jonah: Goliath have to go to hospital?

Matt: No, he was already dead. It was too late.

Jonah: Why Goliath so big?

Matt: Because he was a giant.

Jonah: Did he have a giant penis?

Matt: (laughing uncontrollably)

Jonah: Did he have a giant potty?

I need go potty, Mommy! Hurry, Mommy! Hurry! My butt crack startin' to go poopy in my underwear.

Jonah: What’s Grampa’s (talking about his Great Grampa) whole name?

Matt: Gerald Alan Williams

Jonah: What’s Grandaddy’s whole name?
Matt: Gerald Alan Williams Jr.

Me: They call Grampa “Big Gerry.” And they call Grandaddy “Little Gerry.”

Jonah: Who’s the Medium Gerry?

We were watching Jurassic Park, and it was the part where the dinosaur ate the guy sitting on the toilet.

Jonah: That dinosaur just ate the potty while he was trying to go pee pee!!!

A few weeks ago Jonah poured out all of his bubbles on the deck on purpose. I got on to him and told him he had made a bad choice. Matt’s Aunt Melanie came a week or so later and was trying to blow bubbles with the bubble remnants left in the bottle. She was having to tilt it a lot to get the bubbles out. She tipped it too far one time and spilled bubbles all over her foot and shoe.

Jonah: Aunt Melanie, you made a BAD CHOICE!

Typical Jonah, when G wakes up from bedtime or nap. He goes in, puts his hand through the crib rails and rubs his head.

"Hey G. I woked you up. It's okay. I'm right here. Daddy's at work, but he'll be back later. It's a break day! We don't have to do new wraps today. Are you okay? Don't cry. Did you lost your sock? Mommy fixing you a bottle. She be right back."

During prayers one Sunday night.
Matt: Dear God, thank you for this day.
Jonah: Dear God, thank you for this day.
Matt: Thank you that we got to go to church.
Jonah: Thank you that we got to go to church.
Matt: And learn about Jesus.
Jonah: Hey! We learned about John the Baptist! 

Doing Jonah's memory verse one night.
Me: Never stop praying.
Jonah: Never stop praying.
Me: First Thessalonians 5:17
Jonah: First (incoherent word) 5:17
Me: Jonah, can you say Thess-a-lonians?
Jonah: I just like to call it bolognians.

Jonah, before dressing change last night: "I don't like new wraps. It's too boobooly."

Jonah, upon waking up with bed-head.
"I'm trying to stay my crazy hair, but it's not paying attention to me."

One day Baby G was fussing because he was tired but wouldn’t give it up.

Jonah: What's wrong with Babe?
Matt’s Mom: I think he's tired but doesn't want to go to sleep.
Jonah: Let's take a closer look. Maybe hugs will help.

slices of life, vol. 8

Jonah: I want to snuggle.

Matt: Do you want to snuggle Deac?
Jonah: (very matter of fact) No, I not want to snuggle animals. I want to snuggle peoples.

(Upon taking Jonah’s leg wraps off before bath.)

Me: Oh, look, Jonah! Your legs look really good. No boo boos!

Jonah: Yeah, Mom! Just like in Bible story.

Me: What Bible story?

Jonah: Like no boo boos up in Heaven.

(Matt had to take my van into the shop one day, so I was driving our Escape.)

Jonah: It’s a mix up day!

Me: Yep, we had to switch cars today.

Jonah: You driving Daddy’s car?

Me: Yep.

Jonah: Mommy driving Daddy’s car. Mommy, you not a Daddy!!!

Matt: What's your full name?

Jonah: Jonah I-like-stander (Alexander) Lilliams

One night we were reading the story of Moses and the Burning Bush to Jonah from the Jesus Storybook Bible.

Matt: Look, Jonah! That bush is on fire! It’s burning!

Jonah: We need to go get a hose! Put fire out!

We got some new microdry foamy bath mats for the master bathroom. Upon entering our bathroom the next morning…

Jonah: (GASP) What is that?

Me: That’s our new bath mat.

Jonah: (Stepping on it, feigning disgust) It’s too squashy.

Jonah was watching me while I was putting on my makeup.

Jonah: What’s that?
Me: That’s mascara.

Jonah: What’s your scara?

When Jonah talks about the aliens (we call them Martians) on the Toy Story movies, he calls them “Charmains”, pronounced just like the toilet paper. Took us a while to figure out what he was talking about.

Jonah was playing with his remote control car and accidentally hit Deac with it.

Me: Jonah, tell Deac you’re sorry.

Jonah: I’m sorry, Deac. (In high pitched voice) Ruff! That’s okay.

Jonah: Mommy, how you say “I sorry” in Spanish.

Me: Lo siento.

Jonah: Lo seento.

Me: Jonah, you can ask me how to say anything in Spanish and I can probably tell you.

Jonah: How you say “poo poo” in Spanish?
Me: Boo boo?

Jonah: No, (enunciating) POOOOOP.

Jonah had helped me make brownies the night before. The next day –

Me: Jonah, you want a bite of my brownie?

Jonah: No. I just makes them. I don’t eat them.

Me: You just makes them?

Jonah: Yeah. I don’t eat them. I don’t like them already.

Me: Jonah, God loves us so much, who did He send down to Earth?
Jonah: Granny and Grandaddy???!!!

Me: No, not Granny and Grandaddy. He sent His Son. Who is God’s son?
Jonah: JESUS!!!

Me: Right! And where was Jesus born?

Jonah: In a school?
Me: No, not in a school. He wasn’t born in a hospital or a house or a school. He was born where the animals stay. Where is that?
Jonah: (with certainty) THE ZOO!!!

(Stalling bedtime.)
Jonah: Mommy, I have a NEW great idea!

Me: You do? What is it?
Jonah: How ‘bout hugging and kissing?

You know you have a medical needs child when he calls his balls his gauze.

Jonah is very into what people’s names are. What’s Daddy’s name? What’s Mommy’s name? What’s Nana’s name? Etc .

Every night we end Jonah’s prayers with “In Jesus’ Name, Amen.”

Jonah: What Jesus’ name?

Me: Um, Jesus Christ.

Jonah: Noooo. Jesus’ name Amen.

Me: Jonah, what do you want to be when you grow up?

Jonah: I want to drive a crane.

Me: Oh yeah. You’re going to drive a crane and help build things? What are you going to build? Hospitals? Schools?
Jonah: No. I gonna build Heaven.

catch!

What we've been up to this weekend. Lots of laughing involved.

Confused about how to work his eyelids independently from his mouth...



Progress!

slices of life, vol. 7

Me: Jonah, what is the opposite of up?
Jonah: Down!

Me: (mouth agape because I had no idea he knew what opposites even were) What is the opposite of big?
Jonah: Little!

Me: What is the opposite of short?
Jonah: PANTS!

When I went over to push Jonah’s food syringe during breakfast, he gave my head a huge hug.

Jonah: You’re a Sweet Darlin’, Mommy.

Matt and Jonah discussing the coming of the Easter Bunny.

Jonah: Easter bunny coming?
Matt: Yep. We’ll have to see what he brings you.

Jonah: Wanna see the Easter Bunny’s car!

Matt: I think he drives a convertible.

(Jonah almost cried Easter morning, after running past his basket, straight to the front door, only to realize he had missed seeing the Easter Bunny’s car.)

When we went to the outlets to do a little shopping, Matt let Jonah ride a Snoopy ride several times. Then, he told Jonah they couldn’t ride anymore because they had run out of money. Two days later:

Jonah: Daddy at work?
Me: Yes, Daddy’s at work today.

Jonah: Why?

Me: Daddy has to go to work so he can make money.

(Later, when Matt got home.)
Jonah: Hey Daddy, you home from work?
Matt: Yep, I’m home.

Jonah: Why go to work?
Matt: I have to go to work to make money.

Jonah: Ride Snoopy ride now?

Me: Hey Buddy, we need to go run some errands.
Jonah: Yeah, Jonah run too! In my running shoes.

Me: Hey Jonah, I’m going to hop in the shower real quick.

Jonah:  (jumping up and down) Hop? Like a bunny.

Jonah woke up with two new, little blisters side by side on his pinkie finger.

Jonah: LOOK! It’s a blister! LOOK! It’s another blister! They best friends.

While watching Handy Manny at lunch:

Jonah: I want to be construction worker when I grow up. I wanna be a repair man.

Me: Oh, you want to fix things when they break?

Jonah: No, I wanna work mighty machines.

Seeing a bird out the window, perched on a fence:

Jonah: Look at that bird! He’s a good boy! (Pause) That bird have a penis?

My favorite Jonah-mispronounced word right now:

Dandelions = Dandalance (rhymes with ambulance)

"i wanna hear 'up in the sky low' song"

He is the COOLEST kid EVER.



Can you even handle it???

slices of life, vol. 6

Jonah: Get ready? Gonna go bye bye? In Mommy’s car?
Me: No, Buddy. We're about to take a nap. We’ll go bye bye when we go to church tonight.
Jonah: Oh. Gotcha.


Jonah was whining and kind of growl/yelling at me because he didn’t want to be in his chair at the table.

Me: Jonah you better stop that right now or you’re going to get in big trouble.

Jonah: (with still raised voice) Little trouble!

Me: No Sir. BIG trouble.

Jonah: (fake crying) I waaaaant liiiiitle trouble.

Deac was barking a lot, so Jonah wanted him to go outside.

Jonah: Deac outside!

Me: Okay, I’ll put Deac outside. Come on Deac.

Jonah: (looking at the back door). Gotta open it. Say “Abre.” Abre!

(During new wraps)

Jonah: Play train table?

Me: After new wraps, you want to play with your train table?
Jonah: Sure, Honey!

When we went to The Special Children’s School with Jonah for our tour, he was getting restless as we sat in a tiny office, talking with a couple of the administrators and the school nurse. Not to be mean, but just kind of out of boredom, Jonah slapped me on the face. I grabbed his arm, and said, “No Sir! You do NOT hit Mommy on the face!”  Jonah paused a second, got a mischievous look on his face and said, “High Five, Mommy! On the face?” Well played, Sir. Well played.


WHILE I WAS IN TEXAS (via Daddy):


Jonah: Where's Mommy? (for the 500th time)
Matt: She's in Texas.
Jonah: That's a bummer.


Jonah got sick while I was gone and threw up A LOT, especially on Saturday, Saturday night, and Sunday. Matt and he had to run to the pharmacy to get some medicine.
Lady at pharmacy (to Jonah): Hey, sweetie. What are you doing?
Jonah: I throwin' up.


WHILE I WAS IN TEXAS (via Granny):

Jonah was in his crib for nap when Granny heard him over the monitor, saying, "Granny, Granny, Granny". She went to check on him. She found Jonah with one leg thrown over the side rail of the crib. When he saw her, he said, "Granny, I'm climbing over gate". Jonah is now in a big boy bed.

Granny and Jonah were watching the episode of Backyardigans where they turn a house into a banana.
Jonah: What happened?
Granny: They turned a house into a banana. That is so silly.
Jonah: No, Granny. That is ri-dic-uh-lus.

Jonah: I want to hug Mommy.

Granny: Mommy is in Texas.
Jonah: Why?
Granny: She is helping take care of Anton so his Mommy can do a good job with new wraps.
Jonah: But Granny, I want the next Mommy hug.
Granny: Jonah can save all his hugs to give to Mommy tomorrow.
Jonah: Good idea, Granny.

Granny was lying down with Jonah trying to get him to take a nap.

Jonah:Need to get up, Granny.
Granny: Why do you need to get up?
Jonah: Need to go?
Granny: Where do you need to go?
Jonah: I go to hospital. Call am-u-lance.
Granny: Why do you need to go to the hospital? Are you having a problem?
Jonah: Yes Granny. Have problem. Call am-u-lance.
Granny: What is your problem?
Jonah: I can't go to sleep
Granny: Do you have Ican'tgotosleepitis?
Jonah: That's right Granny. Call am-u-lance.


Jonah: What doing Granny?
Granny: I'm fixing your medicine for your breathing treatment.
Jonah: But I don't want a breathing treatment,I wanna play.
Granny: You have to a have a breathing treatment to help you feel better.
Jonah: I need to play.
Granny: Jonah, come over here so we can do your breathing treatment then you can play.
(Jonah lies on floor fake crying)
Jonah: I need Make-me-don't-cry medicine.

jonah and the nativity

My statuses from the last couple days:


"We just read the Christmas story from Luke 2 out of Jonah's "Jesus Storybook Bible." We then got out his Little People nativity set and tried to act out the story. First he tried to put "Baby J" up on top of the stable where the angel goes, sang Rock a Bye Baby to him, and one of the wise men and then Gabriel himself broke out into an adorable rendition of "Itsy Bitsy Spider." Also, Gabriel makes a growling sort of airplane sound when he flies. Just FYI."


"The Nativity Scene lasted less than 24 hours. Man down! (Well, actually it's woman down. The Virgin Mary is MIA.)"


And then a friend directed me to this hilarious post about boys and nativity scenes. (The comments are worth reading too.)


The Wise Men in their underwear?


Baby Jesus as an action figure?


Mary as a weapon of self defense?


The whole holy crew stuffed in the back of a big rig?


Apparently I have many many years of interesting nativity drama in my future. 


And pray for our sweet plastic Virgin Mary, folks. Who knows where she's ended up...

super baby!

So... Granny is here after a several week hiatus. Between our beach vacation, Kim and the kids being at Debbie and Gerry's house, Debbie's dad's health problems (he had emergency surgery to get his gall bladder removed), and Debbie, herself, having some back issues, it has been a while. But she's back (until tomorrow) and better than ever.

And I don't know WHAT it is about Granny that makes Jonah want to perform (remember the counting???), but this child has gone crazy and become Super Genius Baby today.

Today:
- Jonah started putting his play phone up to his ear, saying "hewwo."
- said "baby" repeatedly when he saw himself in a mirror
- said "no no" along with his head shaking
- said "bear" over and over again when looking at his book with a bear in it AND
- blew Granny a kiss

What was he doing before today? Saying "ball."

What will he do after today? Say "ball."

Granny must be his muse.

In other news, my sister told me it's supposed to be, with the heat index, over 100 degrees for at least the next four days.

Sigh...

Someday, Sweet Boy. Someday.

crazy jonah

So we had a great weekend, and I have many a cute photo to share, but I have to interrupt my (not so regularly scheduled) post to share this video.

You know how your kids just seem to stay the same and not learn anything new for several weeks, and then they learn like five new tricks in two days? We've had that kind of weekend. In the last three days, Jonah has waved bye-bye (although it was only one time... but was most certainly a bye-bye wave... I have witnesses), learned to give kisses, learned to high five, and lastly...

... has developed a strong preference for the color purple... as you can clearly see.

(And no, we don't usually sit around torturing our child for kicks and giggles and good video material... but sometimes we do.)

Kids are SO crazy. I just can't believe how he's changing and growing and learning so many new things. I mean, I know he's delayed (obviously), but I'm just so proud of the huge strides he's made in this last week or so.

On that same note, he ate his ENTIRE breakfast, lunch, and dinner BY MOUTH, and we only had to use the g-tube for his water and meds. (You can pick your mouth up off the floor now.) I know it probably won't last but HOLYCOW HOTDANG WOOHOO my child ate over 1,000 calories of SOLIDS today.

He's also pulling up to his knees and playing that way regularly these days. And today he was crawling around (mostly chasing after the purple ball) more than ever. He was so active compared to even a week ago. It's like he's just had this burst of energy and learning. Maybe that's what eating will do for you!

And on a two-steps-forward-one-step-back-that's-Jonah-for-you kind of note, although he now opens his mouth for food, he's started lifting his tongue up and getting confused about how the mechanics of eating go. Before, he knew how to open and swallow, but the psychological aversion was our problem. Now it seems that we've made some strides in that department (I'm not so naive to think this will for sure last), he's forgotten the physical skill of opening his mouth and taking the spoon. So, needless to say, that's frustrating and food goes everywhere, and feedings still take about ten times longer than they should, but we'll take what we can get! It's still a huge victory overall.

I'll blog about our weekend later on in the week. Jonah had a play date on Friday with some cutie twin girls (La-dies Man, I tell ya) AND got to go to the Children's Museum on Friday night. Fun times. Hope yours was as great as ours. Cute photos to come (tomorrow hopefully?).

jonah and raya and lots of screaming

Remember how I said Raya comes a runnin' when Jonah cries? (Raya is our cat. Pronounced Rye-ah. Spanish for "stripe.") Well now she comes a runnin' when he starts screaming. He's not screaming out of unhappiness or pain, but he just loves to scream. And it apparently drives Raya nuts. She doesn't know what to make of it and can't figure out what's going on. Poor thing. She just wants to know he's okay. I tried to catch Jonah screaming, and he does a little at the very beginning, but then he stops immediately. Things pick up again around 1:30, so you may want to fast forward to there. Again, you may not think it's as funny as I did, so please excuse the camera shaking. (Please also excuse the mess in my house. We were/are in the midst of laundry and Christmas decorating so everything is everywhere.)

Jonah slept all night again last night but still ate 25 ounces today. I feel pretty good about that. I hope it becomes habit. His lip is still bleeding some but is a little better today. Thanks for praying.

a jonah funny

So ever since I got pregnant with Gabe and then started this blog, I've dreamed of the day I would get to blog about my kids' funnies. You know what I'm talking about right? All the crazy things that kids say and do, how clever they are (albeit unintentionally)... all the good stuff that makes the day to day drone just... BEAUTIFUL.

Like...

When Matt was little and was in line at the grocery store, his mom had bought some sanitary napkins. Matt saw them going down the belt, gasped, and said (very loudly), "MOM, do you have bladder control problems???"

Or the time I stuck my tongue out at my mom (I was probably three years old), so she popped me. And then, through my tears (don't you feel so sorry for me?), I said, "My mind wants to say you're a mean mommy, but I won't."

And I know Jonah can't talk yet or anything, but man, oh man, I think we're gonna get some good ones.

So here is my first Jonah Funny.

On Friday, Kathryn had come over and we put Jonah in his little chair in front of Little Bear so that we could eat some lunch (because Heaven Forbid the child actually take a nap). Anyway, he wasn't acting at all interested, and was looking around everywhere but the television, so I said, "Okay, Jonah, if you're not going to watch your show, we're going to turn it to something we want to watch." And I turned it to Everybody Loves Raymond. Then he started looking at the remote and grunting (such a man), so I handed him the remote control to play with. And within just a minute or so, Kathryn and I looked up and Little Bear was back on the TV and Jonah was just staring at it, completely enthralled. He had apparently hit the Previous button on the remote to get it back to his show.

I guess he told us.

a funny jonah moment

This is a really funny (in my humble opinion, of course) video of Jonah from today. He was doing his fake laugh sitting in the rocking chair. I wanted to get it on film, but any time I try to record him, he stops what he's doing and stares (and usually grunts) at the camera.

So today I videoed him from the side for a while so he couldn't see me, and then I let him see me on purpose.

And the change when he sees the camera was so funny. I was literally crying and getting a stomach ache from laughing.

You may not think it's as funny as we did, but Matt's Mom and I were certainly entertained... as you will see. Please excuse the camera shaking. You guys know I can't hold it still when I get tickled.