Friday, January 27, 2012
struggling
Struggling to know what to blog. Still so sad for Courtney and her aching heart. Just don't know what I could write here that's any more important than that. Everything else just seems so silly. Not ready for life to move on quite yet...
Thursday, January 19, 2012
saying goodbye to tripp
Well, I'm back home after one of the most difficult yet beautiful trips I've ever taken. Matt took me to the airport at 5:30 yesterday morning. I asked Matt to pray for me before I left. So he did.
And then I burst into tears.
I only had to wait a little while at my first gate, and so I caught up on Google Reader. I read this post by my friend Jen.
And then I burst into tears.
My flights were both on time and getting my rental car was fast and easy. I hadn't checked any luggage because I knew I wouldn't have time to wait on it, so I was out of the airport pretty quickly. I got my car and hit the highway. And immediately got stuck in stand still traffic. Instead of panicking, I called my sister and let her distract me. Thankfully it was just a right lane closure, so the slow down only lasted a couple miles and I was on my way. It was a 45 minute drive to Ponchatoula, and as soon as I got to town, I started seeing red balloons and ribbons on all the store fronts.
And then I burst into tears.
I got to the church at about 11:45 Louisiana time, reapplied my makeup, and went in. Lots of people knew me, even if I didn't know them, so I never felt awkward or alone. Except when some of them said it was like they were meeting a celebrity and that I was an inspiration. Then I felt awkward. And extremely humbled and undeserving. (Am I really still dooping you guys after all this time?) Courtney's Aunt Linda was one of the first people I met, and she immediately busted me through the (very long) line to meet Courtney.
And I finally got to hug my Best Friend I Had Never Met.
And then I burst into tears.
Y'all. Courtney is amazing. She is everything you would imagine her to be and a million times more. She is the most loving, sacrificial, caring, and courageous person I've ever met. She is exactly who I've known she was all along. And I hugged her a hundred times and told her how many people had asked me to love on her on their behalf.
She got up and spoke at the funeral and it was one of the most amazing, raw, vulnerable, honest, loving things I've ever had the privilege to hear. She was amazing.
And then I burst into tears.
The church was packed, and the mass lasted about an hour. We then drove to the cemetery. Along the way, there were folks dotted along the streets, wearing red and holding signs for Tripp.
And then I burst into tears.
They laid Tripp to rest in the local cemetery.
We prayed together and then headed over to the Knights of Columbus building for a reception (sounds like the wrong word). Anyway, I got to sit beside Courtney and really got to talk to her, Stephen, her sister, Tim, and some others in Courtney's family. The Delgados got to come too, so I got to meet Vanessa's husband and daughter for the first time, and I got to spend some short but sweet time with Vanessa. I've really really missed her.
She and her husband have their court date on February 2nd to adopt a little boy with EB. We hope he'll be home by late February or early March. I also finally got to meet Sam Sheridan, another EB friend, and her mom Marybeth. The whole trip was just so bittersweet. I'm so thankful to have gotten to spend time with so many wonderful people, but of course it was a sad reason to be together.
After the reception, I went and checked into my hotel and changed clothes and then went and spent the rest of the evening with Courtney and her family. I will treasure those hours forever. They meant more to me than I could possibly say. Courtney has such an amazing network of family and friends loving and supporting her, and I was so thankful to get to meet them all in person. I finally tore myself away around 9:30, went to the hotel, spent about 30 minutes with the front desk lady trying to figure out my door lock malfunction (don't ask), and finally got into bed. I woke up at 4:00 this morning, left my hotel at 5:00, and made my 7:00 flight no problem.
As a surprise to me, Jonah came with Daddy to get me at the airport (I thought he was going to stay at the house with Granny). I can't really describe how it felt to have him waiting there for me, yelling "Mommy!" to me as I came down the escalator. He hugged me so tight and said, "MOMMY! You're home!" I'm so thankful for his little life, but I don't understand why some kids live and some kids die. Some kids do alright, and some kids suffer so much. I don't know that it's guilt I feel, but it's just hard, if that makes any sense. I just ACHE for Courtney.
I was SO tired. Between the grieving, not sleeping well for a couple nights before I left, getting up at 4 something both mornings, crying all day yesterday, and traveling on four planes in 24 hours, I was worn out. I came home, fed Jonah lunch, let him play with his "surprise" I bought for him at the airport, and then we both took a two hour nap.
I am so so so very thankful to have gotten to go and thankful to Matt (who had to take off work) and his mom for taking such good care of Jonah. I love my people. Please keep praying for Courtney and Anita (her mom) and all of the friends and family who loved Tripp so very much. This is a long, hard road.
And thank you all for the prayers you said for me. I felt every. single. one.
And then I burst into tears.
I only had to wait a little while at my first gate, and so I caught up on Google Reader. I read this post by my friend Jen.
And then I burst into tears.
My flights were both on time and getting my rental car was fast and easy. I hadn't checked any luggage because I knew I wouldn't have time to wait on it, so I was out of the airport pretty quickly. I got my car and hit the highway. And immediately got stuck in stand still traffic. Instead of panicking, I called my sister and let her distract me. Thankfully it was just a right lane closure, so the slow down only lasted a couple miles and I was on my way. It was a 45 minute drive to Ponchatoula, and as soon as I got to town, I started seeing red balloons and ribbons on all the store fronts.
And then I burst into tears.
I got to the church at about 11:45 Louisiana time, reapplied my makeup, and went in. Lots of people knew me, even if I didn't know them, so I never felt awkward or alone. Except when some of them said it was like they were meeting a celebrity and that I was an inspiration. Then I felt awkward. And extremely humbled and undeserving. (Am I really still dooping you guys after all this time?) Courtney's Aunt Linda was one of the first people I met, and she immediately busted me through the (very long) line to meet Courtney.
And I finally got to hug my Best Friend I Had Never Met.
And then I burst into tears.
Y'all. Courtney is amazing. She is everything you would imagine her to be and a million times more. She is the most loving, sacrificial, caring, and courageous person I've ever met. She is exactly who I've known she was all along. And I hugged her a hundred times and told her how many people had asked me to love on her on their behalf.
She got up and spoke at the funeral and it was one of the most amazing, raw, vulnerable, honest, loving things I've ever had the privilege to hear. She was amazing.
And then I burst into tears.
The church was packed, and the mass lasted about an hour. We then drove to the cemetery. Along the way, there were folks dotted along the streets, wearing red and holding signs for Tripp.
And then I burst into tears.
They laid Tripp to rest in the local cemetery.
We prayed together and then headed over to the Knights of Columbus building for a reception (sounds like the wrong word). Anyway, I got to sit beside Courtney and really got to talk to her, Stephen, her sister, Tim, and some others in Courtney's family. The Delgados got to come too, so I got to meet Vanessa's husband and daughter for the first time, and I got to spend some short but sweet time with Vanessa. I've really really missed her.
After the reception, I went and checked into my hotel and changed clothes and then went and spent the rest of the evening with Courtney and her family. I will treasure those hours forever. They meant more to me than I could possibly say. Courtney has such an amazing network of family and friends loving and supporting her, and I was so thankful to get to meet them all in person. I finally tore myself away around 9:30, went to the hotel, spent about 30 minutes with the front desk lady trying to figure out my door lock malfunction (don't ask), and finally got into bed. I woke up at 4:00 this morning, left my hotel at 5:00, and made my 7:00 flight no problem.
As a surprise to me, Jonah came with Daddy to get me at the airport (I thought he was going to stay at the house with Granny). I can't really describe how it felt to have him waiting there for me, yelling "Mommy!" to me as I came down the escalator. He hugged me so tight and said, "MOMMY! You're home!" I'm so thankful for his little life, but I don't understand why some kids live and some kids die. Some kids do alright, and some kids suffer so much. I don't know that it's guilt I feel, but it's just hard, if that makes any sense. I just ACHE for Courtney.
I was SO tired. Between the grieving, not sleeping well for a couple nights before I left, getting up at 4 something both mornings, crying all day yesterday, and traveling on four planes in 24 hours, I was worn out. I came home, fed Jonah lunch, let him play with his "surprise" I bought for him at the airport, and then we both took a two hour nap.
I am so so so very thankful to have gotten to go and thankful to Matt (who had to take off work) and his mom for taking such good care of Jonah. I love my people. Please keep praying for Courtney and Anita (her mom) and all of the friends and family who loved Tripp so very much. This is a long, hard road.
And thank you all for the prayers you said for me. I felt every. single. one.
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
going to Louisiana
I will be flying into New Orleans in the morning to be there for Tripp's service. I tried to find a flight for tonight and was going to come home tomorrow after the service, but there were no affordable flights available to get me home tomorrow night. So instead, I'm flying out in the morning and will come back Thursday morning.
I have a small prayer request if you don't mind. My flight lands at 10:23, I have to take time to get my rental car, and the service starts at 1:00. The church is 45 minutes away from the airport with no traffic. Will y'all please pray for smooth flights, no delays, and no traffic jams? I would be heartbroken to miss the celebration of Tripp's life, and if anything goes wrong (as things are wont to do in the airline industry), I will be pushing it. I do have an hour layover in Charlotte so there is a tiny window there if my first flight is running late. I've never flown on my own (Matt is the pro in our family), never rented a car, and never been to New Orleans, so this should be interesting. I'm so happy I get to go.
On the one hand, I want to be there RIGHT NOW, am desperate to give Courtney a hug, and the next 24 hours can't go fast enough. On the other I'm anxious about leaving my family, being so far from Jonah, and sad about the circumstances under which we're finally getting to meet.
Everything in me aches for Courtney. Losing Gabe was hard. Losing Jonah after almost three years of knowing and loving him, of him being my LIFE, would be INFINITELY more difficult. I just cannot imagine. Will you please continue holding her up in prayer? I know she is glad that Tripp is not suffering and knows his life made a difference. But at this moment, I can imagine that those thoughts are not that much comfort after having just lost your life and breath.
I love you, Courtney. Continuously holding you in my heart, thoughts, and prayers.
I have a small prayer request if you don't mind. My flight lands at 10:23, I have to take time to get my rental car, and the service starts at 1:00. The church is 45 minutes away from the airport with no traffic. Will y'all please pray for smooth flights, no delays, and no traffic jams? I would be heartbroken to miss the celebration of Tripp's life, and if anything goes wrong (as things are wont to do in the airline industry), I will be pushing it. I do have an hour layover in Charlotte so there is a tiny window there if my first flight is running late. I've never flown on my own (Matt is the pro in our family), never rented a car, and never been to New Orleans, so this should be interesting. I'm so happy I get to go.
On the one hand, I want to be there RIGHT NOW, am desperate to give Courtney a hug, and the next 24 hours can't go fast enough. On the other I'm anxious about leaving my family, being so far from Jonah, and sad about the circumstances under which we're finally getting to meet.
Everything in me aches for Courtney. Losing Gabe was hard. Losing Jonah after almost three years of knowing and loving him, of him being my LIFE, would be INFINITELY more difficult. I just cannot imagine. Will you please continue holding her up in prayer? I know she is glad that Tripp is not suffering and knows his life made a difference. But at this moment, I can imagine that those thoughts are not that much comfort after having just lost your life and breath.
I love you, Courtney. Continuously holding you in my heart, thoughts, and prayers.
Monday, January 16, 2012
a song for when it hurts
This is my friend, Katelyn, and her husband, Derek. They go to my church.
It's a song for this very moment. Even when we're heartbroken, suffocating from the sorrow and grief, we still have a safe place. Hold fast. HE is there.
It's a song for this very moment. Even when we're heartbroken, suffocating from the sorrow and grief, we still have a safe place. Hold fast. HE is there.
Saturday, January 14, 2012
Sweet Tripp
Tripp went home to be with Jesus earlier today. Please continue to be in prayer for Courtney and the rest of his family.
Friday, January 13, 2012
tripp
In case you haven't read Courtney's latest post, Tripp has taken a turn for the worse and they think it won't be long now until he goes home to meet Jesus.
Will you please pray? For peace for Tripp, his parents, grandparents, and all who love him? And for comfort for sweet Tripp that he will be in as little pain as possible during these last days?
Courtney and I have had some sort of God-given connection from the beginning, and I feel like a piece of my heart is always with them, although we've never actually met. She texted me the other day and said she dreamed that we finally got to meet for the first time, and we hugged for 15 straight minutes. I'm pretty sure that's how it's going to go when we do finally meet face to face. I don't know why I included that part, except to say that I just love them so much, and my heart aches so much for the pain and suffering they are experiencing.
Tripp, you've changed my life for the better. You have taught us all so much about faith, courage, strength, and having a fighting spirit. I love you, Sweet Boy.
Will you please pray? For peace for Tripp, his parents, grandparents, and all who love him? And for comfort for sweet Tripp that he will be in as little pain as possible during these last days?
Courtney and I have had some sort of God-given connection from the beginning, and I feel like a piece of my heart is always with them, although we've never actually met. She texted me the other day and said she dreamed that we finally got to meet for the first time, and we hugged for 15 straight minutes. I'm pretty sure that's how it's going to go when we do finally meet face to face. I don't know why I included that part, except to say that I just love them so much, and my heart aches so much for the pain and suffering they are experiencing.
Tripp, you've changed my life for the better. You have taught us all so much about faith, courage, strength, and having a fighting spirit. I love you, Sweet Boy.
Monday, January 9, 2012
i got sucked in
Just finished the third book last night. Now I can have my not-nearly-as-exciting life back. I felt the end was kind of abrupt and not nearly as developed as I would have liked. I have other thoughts but won't say them for those who haven't read. In a lot of ways I was frustrated with how it all wrapped up. Not that there weren't good parts, but it just felt incomplete somehow. Maybe I just wasn't ready to say goodbye to all my new friends. I always have a couple days of sad after I finish a good book series. Is that weird?
Other People:
Hey Patrice...
Have you heard that new song... ?
Did you read so and so's blog...?
Didn't you see I tweeted that...?
Have you watched the most recent episode of...?
Did you see such and such on the news...?
Did you run this or that errand...?
Did you put on makeup today...?
You haven't blogged in a while...
Me:
See, what had happened was I downloaded "The Hunger Games" on our Kindle. The End.
(And just this morning I found out that there are two more books. Dang it.)
Other People:
Hey Patrice...
Have you heard that new song... ?
Did you read so and so's blog...?
Didn't you see I tweeted that...?
Have you watched the most recent episode of...?
Did you see such and such on the news...?
Did you run this or that errand...?
Did you put on makeup today...?
You haven't blogged in a while...
Me:
See, what had happened was I downloaded "The Hunger Games" on our Kindle. The End.
(And just this morning I found out that there are two more books. Dang it.)
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