slices of life, vol. 10

Here are some funnies from the last few weeks:

Commenting on the sunrise one morning -

Gideon: Mommy, have you seen the colors? Dere's orange, yellow, pink, and blue.

Me: I know. God is quite the artist.

Jonah (chiming in): He sure is. You know why?
(Points at himself)
Cause He made this guy.

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Jonah: Dad, did you fart?
Matt: No.
Jonah: Ok, I must be smelling my fart then.

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From Matt:

Patrice called me on my way home from work to ask me how close I was (5 minutes out), and tell me she left her purse at school and needed to get it. She was going to leave Jonah home alone since I was so close.
I passed her in the driveway, so he was in the house for about thirty seconds by himself. When I went inside Jonah proclaimed, "Dad, I was the only human here! It felt good to be king of the house with Deac as my sidekick!"

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From Matt:

Jonah was having a tough time today following directions, being respectful, and was not using his brain at all.

For example, he threw up (not because he was sick, but because he took too big of a bite and gagged) and then immediately blew his breath in my face.

Patrice: Every decision you are making is horrific.
Jonah: Can you change that "H" to a "T?"

My kid has his moments, but most of the time he is "torrific."

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From Matt:

Two of this weekend’s many disagreements:

Jonah: I’m done.
Giddy: Jonah, play with me!
Jonah: No! No hitting, no weapons, no playing dead. (brief pause) Actually, yeah, just play dead.

Giddy: You’re a dork!
Jonah: No, you’re a dork!
Giddy: Gideon’s not a dork, and Dad’s not a dork, and Mom’s not a dork, because none of them are Jonah.

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From Matt:

Scene: Giddy spills yogurt on carpet and Patrice discovers it a few minutes later.

Patrice: Gideon, did you spill yogurt on the carpet?

Giddy: No.

Patrice: Then what is this all over the carpet?

Giddy: (Looking at yogurt) Dust.

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From Matt:

Giddy seems to be getting really excited about praying lately.

Monday:
Dear God,
Fank you for dis day. Fank you dat giwaffe not eat me. Fank you dat hippopotamus not eat me...(this continued for about two minutes of thanking God for a host of carnivorous and non-carnivorous animals not eating him).
In Jesus Name, Amen.

Tonight:
Dear God,
Fank you for dis day. Fank you for Darf Bader. Fank you for my family.
In Jesus Name, Amen.

The force is strong with this one.

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From Grandaddy (Matt's Dad):

It was time for the afternoon sword fight in the front yard. Giddy had a foam sword in each hand. I had an identical sword. Jonah came outside, after getting a drink of water, and said he needed a sword. Gid just looked at him, with a sword in each hand. So I gave Jonah my sword. I told Gid I couldn't fight because I did not have a sword. Using perfect 4 year old logic he told me, "Well doofus, you are the one that gave your sword to Jonah."