i got sucked in

Just finished the third book last night. Now I can have my not-nearly-as-exciting life back. I felt the end was kind of abrupt and not nearly as developed as I would have liked. I have other thoughts but won't say them for those who haven't read. In a lot of ways I was frustrated with how it all wrapped up. Not that there weren't good parts, but it just felt incomplete somehow. Maybe I just wasn't ready to say goodbye to all my new friends. I always have a couple days of sad after I finish a good book series. Is that weird?

Other People:

Hey Patrice...
Have you heard that new song... ?
Did you read so and so's blog...?
Didn't you see I tweeted that...?
Have you watched the most recent episode of...?
Did you see such and such on the news...?
Did you run this or that errand...?
Did you put on makeup today...?
You haven't blogged in a while...

Me:
See, what had happened was I downloaded "The Hunger Games" on our Kindle. The End.

(And just this morning I found out that there are two more books. Dang it.)

random thoughts

Satan lives in idle time and insecurities.

Pinterest is one of those things that's so simplistically brilliant everyone wonders simultaneously why they didn't think of it and how they ever lived without it.

I've eaten so many tomatoes this summer I started getting sores in mouth. One might think it would be good to eat fewer tomatoes. Or one could eat the same number of tomatoes and start popping L-Lysine like there's no tomorrow. I chose option two.

I will never tell Jonah that the frog does not, in fact, say "Jibbit Jibbit." Pure cuteness will always reign supreme over meaningless technicalities.

I don't believe there are people who actually wake up and WANT to go exercise. I take that back. I know they exist, I just try not to be friends with them.

If I never again have to fill out a hand-written 31 page family profile describing my deepest most personal feelings/crap from my past/traumatizing life circumstances etc in full paragraph answers, it will be too soon.

Jonah has super sonic train hearing. Even when he's not watching train videos on YouTube, if one is playing and it ends, even if he's in the other room, he immediately knows, comes to the table and makes me turn on a "eerant (different) one". This goes on during most of his waking hours. (I will be glad when Fall arrives and we can go outside again.)

To be continued (some random day in the future)...

i'm in a weird mood

I have about a million things I should be doing right now, but honestly I just don't want to. And you know what, I live on the edge. Like today, I had two hot dogs and a hot fudge sundae for lunch. And guess what? I ate the hot fudge sundae FIRST. There is at least ONE perk to being an adult. I'll let you know if I come up with any others. The whole paying bills and dealing with ones insecurities and emotional baggage trump most everything else I can come up with at the moment.


Did I mention that I'm getting allergy shots now?I have crazy bad allergies. Last Spring I was on a 24 hour Zyrtec at night, a 24 hour Claritin in the morning, and a Benadryl in the afternoon. And I was still miserable. I went and got evaluated in January, I think, and I'm allergic to dogs, cats, pollen, ragweed, grass and maybe some other stuff. My grass allergy is crazy bad, in the top 10 to 20%. I think the doctor's actual words were "impressive." Not in a good way, it would seem. I get six shots a week - three on Tuesdays and three on Thursdays. 

My first time, I made the mistake of holding Jonah on my opposite hip while they were shooting me in my left arm. He's so active and mobile these days, I didn't know what else to do. As they were putting the second shot in my left arm, Jonah tried to dive to the floor from my right hip. I had to use my left arm to catch him... yep, the one with the needle in it. Good times. By the way, you should see how surprised people look when Jonah and I are in the allergist office, and I am the one they call back for shots.


I am in love with Avon's Smooth Minerals makeup. You use two similar shade foundations, a translucent powder on top and blush. It's so light and well, smooth, and it covers and stays without looking like I'm wearing much makeup. I like it so much, in fact, that I bought it for my best friend for her birthday in October and for my youngest sister for Christmas. But you do have to follow the instructions on how to wear it. I remember Shaina calling me the first time saying she looked like an Oompa. Loompa.

Good news, she has now been deloompafied. (Which is a good thing because I happen to be terrified of Oompa Loompas... something about that song... and their ghostly white eyebrows... and their freakish hips... and their robotic bobbing and weaving... it all gives me the heebie jeebies.)


My dad came down on Tuesday to install Jonah's swing on our back deck. We all went to Lowes together to get the hooks and chain he needed. Jonah was HILARIOUS and had a great time! He spent the whole time running walking as fast as he could through the aisles, waving his hands, squealing in delight, saying "hi" or "bye" (he gets confused) to everyone we passed. On the other hand, taking The Toddler to Target or the grocery store by yourself is the opposite of fun because he wants to do the aforementioned things and refuses to stay in the cart without screaming bloody murder. Apparently, he thinks he's grown. It's very hard to wrangle your two year old down the needed aisle because, for the love of all things absorbent, you just need some paper towels, when he has other plans. Hold me.


We have a bird feeder out on our back deck that we fill with sunflower seeds. We have a set of cardinals, some wrens, and a finch or two who regularly stop by. But blast it all, we also have a very pesky squirrel who apparently has an affinity for sunflower seeds. 

It's not that I mind the squirrel so much. It's just that he or she (probably he) scares all the birds away and eats all the bird feed at an alarming rate. My father in law suggested putting cayenne pepper in the seed because apparently the squirrels can taste it and the birds can't, but I just haven't been able to do it yet. Partly because I am schmuck for (probably rabid) squirrels and partly because I bet there are some "Squirrels Are People Too" judgies out there who would give me a hard time about it. But goodness, have you seen the price for sunflower seeds lately? (Oh, me neither. I'm not the bird feed buyer around here, but I'm sure it's ridiculous.)


I am trying desperately to make it through the whole Bible in 2011. I'm reading the New Living Translation One Year Bible. 

I've really been enjoying it until I hit the Exodus 30's. I have to say the Tabernacle stuff is really dragging me down. I mean, I'm not doubting God's choice of what to include in the Bible or anything, but "inspired" is not exactly the word that comes to mind when I'm reading the dimensions of tables and altars, and how they made the curtains. Maybe God put that in there for the Crafties??? No worries though. I will push through. Because the good stuff is coming after Exodus. You know, Leviticus. Sigh.


On a not-ridiculous note, I put up a set of photograph greeting cards on Hope for Anton. CJ donated the 10 pack of cards, and we are auctioning them off for Anton's Adoption Fund. 

Check them out and bid HERE if you have a chance. It would be especially great for those of you out there who are Crafties. Just admit it. You guys like Exodus, don't you?

here goes nothing

My mom called me earlier tonight and said she needed some blog entertainment. I think we've all been stuck in our respective houses a little too long. We did get snow after all. Well, sort of. We got about an inch of snow with a glaze of ice over it. You know, just enough to be nasty and dangerously slick. Not actually the kind of stuff you want to take your just-barely-walking toddler out in. So... blog material.... blog material.


Here goes nothing. Like literally.


Last week I got some free yogurt at Harris Teeter because of sales and super doubles. I'm not a huge yogurt eater, but it was some kind of vanilla strawberry fruit parfait stuff with granola, and it was pretty tasty. Something about free tastes so good.


I made spicy shrimp and grits tonight. It was pretty good except that I somehow got red pepper in my nose. It burned for at least 30 minutes. Kind of took away some of the inherent awesomeness of the meal.


I got my books today! I am so pumped to get started. We're doing Radical with our group at the end of January. So I'm thinking "Calm My Anxious Heart," but am really anxious to start "Crazy Love" too. Decisions, decisions.

I ordered some brown boots (mine were literally cracking in half... they were obviously not good quality) from  Old Navy last week. They came today. I think I should have ordered a 7 1/2 but I'll make do with the 8. Partly because I bet they're out by now, but mostly just because I don't like having to send stuff back.

I drove to Target today, thinking I was the only one who knows how to drive in the snow. I bet that's what people are thinking right before they slam into a guard rail.

I had to drop off a package at Staples to ship via UPS today. It was a return (I know), so it was already paid for. But I didn't feel safe nor did I have time to go across town to the post office to mail my other package. So I just decided to mail it through UPS too. 2.9 lbs and $13 later, I decided never to do that again. Good grief.

Jonah has counted "one, two, three, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten," "one, two, three, night night," and "one, two, three, five, turtle!" in the last two days. Yeah, we're working on it.

Jonah is now sleeping with a hard, green plastic ball because he wouldn't let it go. We pick our battles.

Deac will go down the partly icy steps but won't come back up them. I don't think I need to tell you how annoying it is to have to go outside in the freezing cold weather, down the stairs in nothing but your t-shirt, pj pants, and socks to rescue your foo foo dog. I love him, but he's a pansy. Truth.

My mom makes the best Chicken and Dumplings in the whole world. I'm not kidding. (She brought me those too.)

Yesterday when Jonah was playing with his Laugh and Learn pony, he counted to ten with the video. I was impressed. But then, after reaching ten, he said "AH, AH, AH!" like the Count on Sesame Street. I was overwhelmed with his cuteness.

Tomorrow I'll be cutting coupons and trying to get more free yogurt. The excitement never ends. 

fall questions

Katherine tagged me to do these Fall Questions, and since I don't have anything else to blog about, and certainly not any photos to post (grrrr...), I'm happy to oblige.


1. Do you like Starbucks? And are you a fan of their seasonal coffees?
I like Starbucks for hot chocolate and sweet treats (I've decided I'm going to say "sweet treat" now instead of "dessert." Somehow it lessens the guilt factor.) I would like to be a grown up and say that I enjoy a cup of coffee (or a glass of wine) now and again. But it would be a lie. I have the beverage maturity of a four year old.

2. How do you decorate and prepare for Fall?
I bought a fall type wreath last year and put out some pumpkins and mums. I also noticed that the produce market near my house has some kind of  large corn stalks/husk thingies, and I thought they looked pretty neat. Maybe they are for sale? Maybe I will buy them. I'm so excited about Fall and The Holidays, I may be out of control. I never got excited about the holiday season as an adult, but then Jonah was born, and everything changed. I just want to make it wonderful for him. Did I mention I'm excited?

3. Will you participate in your college's homecoming activities? 
No, but we really miss Greenville and East Carolina, and I've already thought how fun it would be to go to an ECU game. We do hope to make it to Greenville sometime soon, but no football or collegey activities for us. Maybe next year. 

4. What is your favorite Fall clothing item or accessory?
In my head, I'm definitely a fashion and accessories sort of person (all of a sudden), but in my reality, I hate everything in my closet. I have a dark green blouse/shirt I really like that I wear with a long necklace. I love how people layer shirts and dresses and coats and scarves with leggings and boots etc. I, unfortunately, have no vision, no style talent, and no money to shop. It's a great combination.

5. What was your favorite Halloween costume as a kid?
This is going to sound really lame, but I have a TERRIBLE memory. I don't remember 90% of my Halloween costumes. I think I was Rainbow Brite one year. And Little Red Riding Hood another year. Mostly I just remember that I usually had homemade costumes instead of store bought, and I'm so thankful for that. My mom did such a good job of coming up with great costumes. If Jonah has a costume at all, it will most likely be store bought. I'm a Halloween failure. 


6. Do you like Halloween/Horror movies? Do you have a favorite?
No way, man. I HATE feeling scared. I have had more than enough sadness and fear in my life to last a lifetime. I have no desire to feel terrified. I actually don't really get why people like that. 

7. What is your favorite Fall activity?
Probably just getting to (FINALLY) be outside. Last Fall, we went to the fair and to a pumpkin patch, and we had a great time. I hope to do those two again this year, and I also want to get to the zoo and/or a petting zoo. Jonah is getting into his animal sounds, and although he knows what they say, he has no idea what a cow, monkey, or duck actually is. 


8. What is your favorite Fall recipe?
Probably stuff that OTHER people make. I'm not so much of a baker, although I'd like to be. I like everything about eating and especially Thanksgiving eating, so it's all good to me. When it comes to food, I'm not hard to please. 

And then she added eight more quickie questions, and here they are:

1. What movie coming out soon are you looking forward to seeing? 
Secretariat

2. What will you miss most about Summer?
Nothing. It was miserable. I'm glad it's over.


3. When do you start your holiday shopping? 
Rarely ever before December 1st. I want to be one of those people who looks for good deals throughout the year and comes up with the perfect gift for everyone on my list, but that never happens. It always turns out okay though, so I don't stress about it too much.


4. Favorite exercise/activity?
Anything but the Elliptical. I hate the Elliptical. Evil Machine. Evil, evil machine.

5. Best book you've read lately?
I finished The Help and loved it. Right now I'm reading The Wednesday Sisters and I'm loving it too. 

6. Do you make your bed every day?
Yes. For now. After Gabe died, I couldn't leave the house, sometimes the bedroom, without making the bed. I had never been a regular bed maker before then. It was really strange.  Then, when Jonah was born, I rarely made the bed. I rarely put on real clothes before 4 pm. Now, I'm a little more stable and making the bed again. Who knows how long it will last? You didn't realize this was such a deep question, did you? 

7. If you could choose a personal chef or a personal shopper, which would you choose?
Personal chef. I want to do my shopping myself. Can I have a personal chef and a shopping fund? Yes, I choose that.

8. Which TV show are you most excited for this Fall?
I'm most excited about Glee, but we've started watching Modern Family and Parenthood this season, and I really like those too. 

Okay, that's it. Feel free to tag yo' self.

more than you want to know

Katherine always seems to help me out when I feel I’m in a bloggy slump. I know that my posts, as of late, have not been very riveting (or “ribbiting” as I said to my sister this week after she said she rescued a frog out of the pool at camp… what? That’s totally funny. Matt didn’t think so either.). Anyhoo, she had these questions and answers posted on her blog and told those reading to consider themselves “tagged.” As I am not one to (often) ignore a (not-so-official) tagging, it was my bloggy duty to follow her lead. (Warning: this is long and possibly not that interesting… I don’t know seeing as how I haven’t answered them yet… so feel free to skip this one.)



What experience has shaped you most and why?
I guess this one is an easy and obvious one for me…


Receiving my GPS. Without a doubt, this little apparatus has greatly changed my life for the better. Without it, I seriously don’t know where I’d be. Get it? As in “I’d be lost”? But in the physical rather than metaphorical sense. Get it? Oh yeah, and motherhood has changed me a lot too… mostly for the better though I do find there are days now when I cuss like a sailor.


If you had a whole day with no commitments, what would you do?
Unbeknownst to Matt, I’m currently planning a day for myself like this. Because that’s just how utterly selfless I am. I’ll have to do dressing change because that just can’t be helped but THEN, I’m going to go get a greasy breakfast and read a book while I eat and nobody is allowed to talk to me. THEN, I’m going to go to a used bookstore and take forever perusing the aisles, lovingly touching all the book spines, and picking out several books of my very own. THEN, I’m going to go to a few scrapbooking stores and spend way too much money. THEN, I’m going to meet some girlfriends for lunch, and we are going to spend the afternoon shopping and hanging out. And we will also spend way too much money. And then I will come home, help get Jonah fed and ready for bed, and then I will go to bed early and get approximately 9.4 hours of sleep. Ribbiting, I know.


What food or drink could you never give up?
Mexican Food. I know that’s a whole category rather than one single food, but seriously, I couldn’t give up tortilla chips or pico or enchiladas or burritos or refried beans or tacos or any of it. It’s all so magically delicious, it really wouldn’t be fair to isolate just one Mexicanny goodness. And those who know me also know that asking me to give up food, any food, is like asking me to please just stop breathing. Thusly, this is a difficult question.


If you could travel anywhere, where would it be and why?
This one is hard too. I’d love to go to Hawaii (my hopes for our ten year anniversary) the most. But I’d also like to go back to Mexico and Argentina and to the rest of the Spanish-speaking countries. I’ve only been to Mexico, Nicaragua, and Argentina. Spain would be awesome, and I’d also like to go to Ireland. But if I had to choose JUST one, okay, Hawaii. Fine.


Who do you have a crush on?
Jonah. Also known as Jonut, Baby J, the J-Man, Sweet Babe, Jumping Jonah, Ja-nonah, and J-dizzle (okay, I made that last one up.)

(And also, Marky Mark.)


If you were leader of your country, what would you do?
I have no idea because I would never ever want that job in a million years. I feel so sorry for the President and all of the past ones actually. People criticize them too much and pray for them too little. I’d definitely have to start by making regular hair-coloring appointments for when my hair started to go gray.


Give me one savory recipe that doesn’t include cheese.
I can’t. The Squash Muffin one is pretty good, but I don’t think you can even describe a recipe as “savory” UNLESS it has cheese. On second thought, I bet those muffins would be pretty good with some cream cheese. It definitely wouldn’t hurt!


What did you think you were going to be when you grew up?
It was actually always a teacher, I think. I was an idiot.


If you could spend just one day in someone else’s body, who would it be?
I would say somebody who had a really sexy body, but then I would probably choose the day of her hardest workout routine, and honestly, that just doesn’t sound like fun to me. So, I think I’d pick somebody who’s funny and most everyone loves. Tina Fey would be good. But I guess she kind of has a sexy body too. (Shut it, Matt) So I’d just choose to be Tina Fey on a relaxing, binging, off day, because she’s going to have to deal with the leftover calories from her day off, not me. (And also, she knows Marky Mark… “I bet you do all kinds of right.”)


Which woman writer, living or dead, do you admire most?
Julia Alvarez. Look her up. She’s Dominican and her stuff is so good.


What character trait inspires you the most?
The word “inspires” makes me want to throw up a little bit, but I like when people are really honest and funny and real. And randomly break into a Bon Qui Qui voice and cuss at random. (MS, I am talking to YOU.)


What is your favorite kind of music?
I mostly listen to Christian, but music-wise, it’s not my favorite. I like stuff from the late 60’s and early 70’s and also dig some older country (90’s) now and again… but mostly just for karaoke purposes.


What is one fact about you that most people who know you wouldn’t guess?
I am a very difficult person to live with and extremely moody. Or maybe people would guess that. Maybe I only THINK I’m good at hiding it. Another is that I have major teeth issues. MY teeth are in great shape, but I have serious MENTAL issues with people talking about, wiggling, or showing me loose teeth. I have recurring dreams that my teeth are falling out. My sister does too, so at least I know I'm in equally crazy company.


If money were no object, what's one thing you don't own now or can't afford to do that you'd like to have or do?
Is it way pathetic that my first thought was a mini-van? Yep, I’m just that exciting. But seriously, if we ever do get one, I will probably wet my pants from excitement.


I think I’m supposed to make up my own question for the end, but I just don’t have the brain power to do that. Feel free to consider yourself tagged though. If you are as desperate for blogging material as I am, this will make your day. It did mine.

____
Jonah's good, but we just put him to bed and he immediately threw up all over himself. Clean up was a pain. Thus the lack of brain power. So tired. 

nothing

I keep waiting for something exciting to post, but it never seems to happen, so here goes.. well... literally nothing.

It has been so hot here this week, Jonah has maybe made it out in the open air one or two times. I don't even think I've taken him in the car anywhere. Monday night I ran a few errands, Tuesday night I helped host a baby shower for a friend (not at my house), and today I went to the gym for about 45 minutes. So I haven't been getting out much either thus the lack of interesting blog fodder.

Jonah is doing well, although he refuses to eat at all by mouth. No yogurt. No nothing. Even our go-to's don't cut it anymore. In equally frustrating news, he's now learned to shake his head back and forth "no" when food is approaching his mouth. Good times. We have a speech pathologist coming Monday. I sure hope she can help because I am COMPLETELY out of ideas.

I mentioned I went to the gym today. And then I proceeded to eat pound cake and banana pudding. The end.

I really, really want to write a novel these last few days. Too bad I have no ideas and feel that all the creativity has been zapped from my body. I have no jokes, no funny ideas, no sarcasm. Nothing. I'm going soft. I'm friends with Bella's mom on Facebook, and she took some quiz on "how old you act." She got age 72. Yep, I know the feeling. Can you hear the monotone droning in my voice? Maybe those are just the voices in my head.

Jonah has discovered, this week, that crawling allows him the pleasure of getting into/doing things he shouldn't. This week he's almost gone head-first down the stairs, almost stuck his fingers in an electrical outlet, thrown his shoes in the trash can and pulled every blanket and burp cloth we have off of their shelf. I'm just thankful he hasn't discovered the toilets yet. Yes, friends, it's time to baby proof. His favorite pastime, apparently, is chewing on the metal trashcan downstairs. Did I mention that he has weak tooth enamel? Not good. He got popped for that one today.  Don't let him fool you. He knows what "no" means. He has a stubborn streak for sure. He must get that from his dad. 

I just did a two page scrapbook spread. I haven't done any scrapbooking since way before Jonah was born. Two back-to-back pregnancies will do that to a girl. So anyway, yesterday I had the chance to finish a scrapbook I'd been wanting to complete for a while. The one with our wedding and honeymoon that occurred six years ago. What?

We are watching the new Star Trek movie. I'm not really paying attention. All I know is that Sylar (bad guy from Heroes) playing Spock (good guy in the movie) is not right. Demetri from Flash Forward is in it too. I feel that all my worlds are colliding.

We are currently dog sitting my brother's dog. He and Deac are best buds. They are currently humping one another. The excitement around here never ends.

That is all.

the good and the bad

Good (in no particular order):

1. The first produce from my and Kathryn's (is that grammatically correct???) backyard garden. Why yes, yes I did plant a garden. (Thanks to my dad for his excellent tilling skills and to Matt's dad for rigging up the tomatoes and peppers and mostly to God for giving us some veggies so I don't feel like a total failure. Amen.)

2. By the look of the flowering squash vines, we are going to have TONS of squash. Kathryn and I have plans to get together and make Matt's sister's Squash Muffins. Yep, I'm planning ahead.(Yes, I'll post the recipe and YOU will be thanking me and Kim and God. Amen.)

3. I joined a gym that's about two minutes from my house. I've worked out twice this week, and my mood and energy show it. I feel so much better when I'm exercising, and it's been about... um... two years since I have.

4. My friend Aimee and her daughter, Hannah, visited today. Hannah is 14 years old, and gave me my first Silly Bandz... a butterfly. So sweet. And also, on Facebook, Hannah changed her last name to Jonas (as in, married to one of the Jonas brothers). I thought that was HILARIOUS and it has brought me much joy.

5. I have concrete lunch plans with my Divine Friend, M, on Monday. I'm giddy.

6. The adorable twin baby girls that Kathryn nannies for are coming over (along with their sweet momma and Kathryn) tomorrow for a playdate. Jonah has a playdate!!! That is so... normal. (AND awesome!)

7. This is the funniest video I've seen in a very long time. You must watch it. North Carolina representin'. Hey Lucy, you know this guy?

Bad (in no particular order):

1. True, we accidentally broke the end of the zucchini off when we picked it. We're new at this. I ate the tomato (GLORIOUS), Kathryn took the zucchini home. (And also, I have no idea how to spell zucchini ... Ohhhh, THAT's how you spell it. Who knew?)

2. Jonah has stopped eating ANYTHING by mouth. Lips clamped, turns head, completely refuses. Nothing. Not even one bite. He dwindled off over the last week or so, and the last two days has eaten nothing. I bet he won't even eat my Squash Muffins (poor thing... has NO idea what he's missing).

3. My camera won't work. Won't turn on. Nothing. I thought the battery was dead but it wouldn't charge, so I'm hoping I just need to order a new battery. SO sad. I feel lost without my camera. (And also, further proof that I should have bought a Canon.)

4. I miss the Women Only gym I was a member of before I got pregnant with Jonah. I know the sweet owner, Helen. The classes (variety and instructors) are awesome! And it's WOMEN ONLY. But alas, it's 20 minutes away, and I just can't spend 40 minutes of my "someone else is watching Jonah" time driving. I especially missed my girly gym when I had to listen to a man making some very loud and hmm... how do I say this... inappropriate(?) grunting noises while he lifted weights. I just turned my Pandora up and tried to drown it out. It was just me and these two middle age big beefy guys in there, and I wanted my GIRLS back. Sigh. (Still happy to be part of a gym and LOVING the location.)

5. I am RIDICULOUSLY sore after doing 15 minutes on the Elliptical Machine (on level two, ahem) and a few of the weight machines. Can we say PATHETIC?

6. I have to wear a bathing suit in less than three weeks. Does anyone else want to smack Heidi Klum? Oh, just me? Alrighty then.

7. Blogger is being stupid and the spacing on this post keeps messing up. I have no patience to fix if for the third time, so we all have to deal with it. Sorry.

And on that note, I will now finish this post. The End.

a letter to nick jr.

Dear Nick Jr. (formerly known as Noggin but still really known as Noggin because I don't know of one single person who calls it Nick Jr because, let's face it, Noggin is just a cuter name, I'm just sayin'),

(inhales)

I am writing to inform you that very soon I will be putting in a call to Social Services to report the gross parental negligence I have observed by many of the residents of your Nickelodeon Neighborhood.

Let's take, for example, Max and Ruby. After 11 months of observation I have never, EVER seen their parents. As in I'm pretty sure they don't even exist. The children are constantly home alone, only being dropped in upon, every once in a while, by their grandmother. Max, obviously a child two or under seeing as how he can only speak one word at a time, is being cared for by his sister, Ruby, who can't possibly be more than six years old seeing as how she's an idiot. I do not feel this is a good environment for either child and thus will be reporting the Bunny Family to the proper authorities. I am glad that Ruby has her ever-true Bunny Scout Leader to guide her although I don't think the party-hosting skills she is being taught are going to prove very beneficial in the raising of her younger brother.

I am also very concerned about Dora the Abnormally Large Headed Exploradora. Although her parents, Sr. and Sra. Marquez, do appear every now and again, she is often seen out on her own, accompanied only by a whiny monkey. She has faced many a foe (a witch, a troll, a fox) with only her backpack to protect her. And I know she always uses her seatbelt "so she can be safe," but am I mistaken that Dora should still be in a car seat? I am fairly certain she does not meet the eight year / 80 pound requirement. Although I suppose this law may not apply when you are traveling to OUTER SPACE, you know, by yourself.

Lastly, I will be reporting ALL of the neglectful animal parents whose children have found themselves in such peril they've had to call on the Wonder Pets. I feel if you are relying on a guinea pig, a turtle, and a baby duck to rescue your children, you have reached a whole new level of inattention. I'm sorry but if you, as a goose, flew off and left your children to be led south by some classroom pets in a plastic boat, don't you think you should be reported? And don't even get me started on the ladybug's parents who let her play in the Venus Fly Trap or the Mama cow who barely reacted when her baby calf was rescued from a tree (that's right, a tree).

The parents of all the Backyardigans are still under observation, and at this point, there is no reason to suspect negligence on their part. So far, the children have stayed within the confines of their backyard, and at least one parent seems to be home during their playtime, offering a delightful yet nutritious snack at the end of their imaginary adventures.

Please be under advisement that the entire Nickelodeon Junior (if that's your real name) populace is being watched.

Yours Truly,
Patrice Williams

P.S. - And as far as DJ Lance is concerned, the whole Gabba Family is currently under investigation for recreational drug use. Second letter to follow.