Gideon's newborn shoot

The following Monday after we had picked Gideon up on Friday, I took Gideon to Jenn's for his newborn shoot. I would like to say this was a wonderful, happy experience, but I remember the day being very difficult for me. After Friday, Saturday, and Sunday of getting to bask in the unexpected blessedness of being a mommy to a newborn (we were always planning on school-aged kids), Monday came with social worker calls, notification for court dates and mandated twice-a-week visitations. Although we felt our case would fairly certainly end in adoption, I was ripped out of "normal new born baby world" and transported to our reality. Uncertainty and fear, fierce love and hope. I cried between photos.

I only go into this to say- foster care is hard. It's loving completely with all your heart, praying for what you want while simultaneously praying for God's will and what's "best," not even really knowing what that means or what that is. It's feeling like you want this baby forever and always, while simultaneously greiving for his birth mother and wanting only the best for her. It's wanting complete control over everything and having zero control over anything. It's being a mother in every single way but having no say in your child's future. It's hard, it's important, and regardless of outcome, it's worth it.

I'm overjoyed he is ours. But I'll never stop praying for Gideon's birth mom. I don't take any of it lightly or for granted. We are all so broken... each in our own way. I love one line in the new Casting Crowns song. "Maybe you and I were never meant to be complete. Could we just be broken together?" I pray for peace and for us all to find a way to live together and do the best we can in our different forms of brokenness. And I pray that our main priority in our relationships, whatever kind they are, is to show grace. Grace upon grace. 

I don't know what any of that has to do with adorable newborn pics. It's just where I am, thinking of this day almost two and a half years ago. If you are just starting this journey, I can't promise happy endings or rainbows and daisies. But you're doing good, important work. And I understand where you are. Hold fast. God's promises are true and his blessings are real, no matter what form they take. They are there. Don't get so caught up in the crazy or in fear that you forget to find them. He is faithful.

Gideon's homecoming

On August 23rd, 2012 we got the phone call. I was really sick with a bad virus and I had called Matt to come home early from work so he'd be home when Jonah got up from his nap. I was feeling terrible and was lying in bed. Matt was lying beside me listening to me complain. My cell phone rang and I ignored it. Then it rang again, and I remember saying to Matt, "You better pick that up. It could be the social worker." 

Not sure if you guys remember but on that August 15th, I had written about the two toddler boys that we had been called about that we had had to say no to. It about broke my heart in half and I did not understand AT ALL why God had let us get the call about them just to make it so clear we couldn't take them. Knowing that I was grieving, our social worker had said she would give us a break before calling us again... a month or so she had said.

So that day when the phone rang, we weren't expecting a call about a placement. Matt answered my phone since it hurt for me to talk because of a sore throat. He picked up the phone and it was our social worker. He spoke with her for a bit, and when he got off the phone, I could tell it was something big. "What is it?" I asked. "It's a newborn. A baby boy," he said. "I want him," was my immediate response. 

So that's how it started. We had 17 hours notice. This was at 5pm on a Thursday night. We were to pick him up from the hospital the next day at 10am. I immediately called my mom and sister and had them come and start cleaning the baby things that we did have (which wasn't much). We did have a bassinet and an expired car seat and a few toys... but not much else. Matt and I went to Walmart at 11pm and threw our own baby shower.

I filled you in here on how God used the situation with the two boys to bring us our Gideon, so I won't repeat it here, but it's pretty amazing... as God typically is. 

That night, I called our friend MaryKay to come and stay with Jonah the next morning while we picked him up. And I called Jenn to be here to take pictures of our homecoming. It was beautiful and unbelievable and wonderful and completely overwhelming.

We came home and Jonah met us on the front porch. He was three and a half then. He bent down and looked in the car seat and kept saying, "Hey Baby. Hey Baby. Hey Baby. Oh hey Baby" over and over again. It was quite possibly the sweetest moment of my whole life. I really can't put it into words. 

And from that moment on, our life has never been the same... and I'm so so grateful.

HE IS OURS!

It's official!!! I introduce you to our ONE HUNDRED PERCENT OFFICIAL ALWAYS AND FOREVER SON, Gideon Isaac Williams.

We are overjoyed to say that Gideon's adoption is finalized after almost two and a half years (889 days to be exact) of waiting. We are so happy that the papers finally say what we've known in our hearts all along - Gideon is our son.

There is so much to say and so much story to tell, but for now I will leave you with these (and there are plenty more to come!) -

Gideon - newborn

Gideon - 2 months

Gideon - 9 months

Gideon - 15 months

Gideon - last week (2 1/2 years)! :) 

And as always, thank you to my sweet friend, Jenn, of Jenn Lewis Photography, for documenting so many beautiful moments in our lives (except for that last one... I took that one with my cell phone... while Gideon tried on my boots...).

WOOHOO!!! Thatisall.

baby n

I wrote a few weeks ago about Sweet N, a baby in an eastern European orphanage who has EB. He has a family here in the U.S. ready to bring him home, but there is still lots of fundraising left to do. His mommy, Tona, is seen here in this video. It was put together by a sweet EB advocate named Christie, after she was in on one of Anton's dressing changes when we were all in Florida for the EB conference.

Warning: you will need tissues.

This is EB.



Now, can you imagine that? Those kinds of wounds, untended in an orphanage? Can you imagine a little boy, just like Anton, but without the care and love of his mother?

Will you help, if you can? Or at least share this post? Tona is trying to raise $100 per mile for every mile of the marathon (26.2) she will run in October. She wants to raise the money, but she also wants people who don't know about EB to LEARN. Baby Easton has opened a lot of eyes, and although I hate with every fiber of my being that another baby was born with EB, I am thankful at the numbers of people who are finding out about EB through him.

Tona's fundraising page for the marathon is HERE, and you can find their blog and follow their story HERE.

If just 260 people gave $10 each, we could help her reach her goal. We have 23 more days until the marathon. Let's bring Baby N home, so he can get the care and love he DESPERATELY needs and deserves. It just breaks my heart.

baby update

I'm so sorry that it's been so long since I've posted. I know it's awful of me to post such big, awesome, amazing news and then be silent for so long. I have to say, I'm tired. :)

No really, we are doing amazingly well, and Matt and I keep trying to figure out what else we're supposed to be doing. You mean you just have to feed them, bathe them, change them, love them, and get up with them at night? That's it? No meds? No force feeding? No blister popping, bandage changing or tube feeding? No NICU stay? We can wipe his butt with a regular old wet wipe? We can hold him by his ankles to change his diaper? He can wear normal clothes?

This is freakin' awesome.

God is so faithful, and I just can't get over how He's so miraculously, hugely, and amazingly blessed us with our G. Remember when I posted this? I had given up on newborn baby dreams. And it was okay. It really was.

But then God gave us an amazing gift, just out of the blue, and BAM, here we are.

And we are thankful. :)

Sorry, but these are the only photos I can post. (But don't worry, somday I'll post 4,586,297 photos.)

The other day. A cute little hairy head, just a snoozin'.

G and I preparing for our "7" book study.

Jonah is doing great, and loves his new brother. Everybody who comes to the house, even people who have met, held and loved G on numerous occasions already, is introduced to "my new baby brother." He is constantly saying "He is so cute" and "What's wrong with G?" if he's crying. Besides needing a few extra hugs and kisses, he's adapted quickly. Pretty amazing for a kid who only had 17 hours notice. :)

Thank you for continuing to walk this crazy road with us. It just keeps getting better.

blessed

These sweet little feet...

And this sweet little hand...

... have stolen my heart.

And I don't ever want it back.

We are so blessed. Somebody pinch me. I'm sure I'm dreaming.

Thank you, Lord.

BIG NEWS!

God is so good and big and faithful and amazing.

I just finished Beth Moore's Believing God study, and in one session she talks about us reaching our Gilgal. Gilgal means "circle" and was the name of the first place the Israelites camped when they came into the promised land. Beth talked about God bringing them full circle out of their Egyptian captivity and into their promised land.... saying that we all have a promised land, but unbelief is often the biggest obstacle keeping us from it.

Anyway, after we had to say no the boys' placement in our home (and felt clarity that it was a definite no), I was so sad, mad, and confused. Why Lord? Why would you let us get that call? Why would you let our family be chosen? Why would you let us love them in our hearts for a week, and then when finally meeting them, have us say no? Why, Lord?

That was on a Tuesday. On Thursday, I went to my girls' bible study, and we watched the last Believing God session, and it seemed (even to the other women in the room) that everything Beth said applied to me and my heartbreak.

Phrases like:
- Anything that waits, it's because God has something better for us.
- Wrestle a thing out. We run a race well, not by refusing to wrestle, but by keeping the faith during the fight.
- Continue to believe, even when God doesn't answer the way we expect.
- Faith always receives. (Eph 1:18-20)
- Faith soon sees. (1 Cor 13, 2 Tim 4:6)
- God is a can-do, able God, with an outstretched arm. He is powerful and he loves.
- IT HAS PURPOSE.

A week later, this past Thursday, Matt and I got a call about a newborn legal-risk placement that needed to be discharged to a foster family from the hospital. We brought him home on Friday. It is very likely that we will be able to adopt him and he'll be ours for forever, but it could take a year (or more?). We have a long road ahead, many fears to pray through and face, and a hard journey. There is still risk. But we step out on faith, and we are going to love Baby G with all our hearts. And trust God to do his thing.

I BELIEVE.

And oh, the purpose of our experience with the boys? The toddler boys' social worker is also the social worker for Baby G. After choosing us for the boys and it not working out, when she got the call about this baby, she immediately chose us to be his family. Had the whole situation and heartbreak of not being able to bring the toddler boys home never happened, this social worker would have never known we even existed.

FAITH SOON SEES.

I am in tears at the faithfulness and love of my God. He is so good, y'all. Even when we can't see. Even when we're in the dark and can't see the why or the purpose or the good in it all. Just keep believing him to be good, faithful, and BIG.

IT HAS PURPOSE.