I just finished Beth Moore's Believing God study, and in one session she talks about us reaching our Gilgal. Gilgal means "circle" and was the name of the first place the Israelites camped when they came into the promised land. Beth talked about God bringing them full circle out of their Egyptian captivity and into their promised land.... saying that we all have a promised land, but unbelief is often the biggest obstacle keeping us from it.
Anyway, after we had to say no the boys' placement in our home (and felt clarity that it was a definite no), I was so sad, mad, and confused. Why Lord? Why would you let us get that call? Why would you let our family be chosen? Why would you let us love them in our hearts for a week, and then when finally meeting them, have us say no? Why, Lord?
That was on a Tuesday. On Thursday, I went to my girls' bible study, and we watched the last Believing God session, and it seemed (even to the other women in the room) that everything Beth said applied to me and my heartbreak.
- Anything that waits, it's because God has something better for us.
- Wrestle a thing out. We run a race well, not by refusing to wrestle, but by keeping the faith during the fight.
- Continue to believe, even when God doesn't answer the way we expect.
- Faith always receives. (Eph 1:18-20)
- Faith soon sees. (1 Cor 13, 2 Tim 4:6)
- God is a can-do, able God, with an outstretched arm. He is powerful and he loves.
- IT HAS PURPOSE.
A week later, this past Thursday, Matt and I got a call about a newborn legal-risk placement that needed to be discharged to a foster family from the hospital. We brought him home on Friday. It is very likely that we will be able to adopt him and he'll be ours for forever, but it could take a year (or more?). We have a long road ahead, many fears to pray through and face, and a hard journey. There is still risk. But we step out on faith, and we are going to love Baby G with all our hearts. And trust God to do his thing.
And oh, the purpose of our experience with the boys? The toddler boys' social worker is also the social worker for Baby G. After choosing us for the boys and it not working out, when she got the call about this baby, she immediately chose us to be his family. Had the whole situation and heartbreak of not being able to bring the toddler boys home never happened, this social worker would have never known we even existed.
FAITH SOON SEES.
I am in tears at the faithfulness and love of my God. He is so good, y'all. Even when we can't see. Even when we're in the dark and can't see the why or the purpose or the good in it all. Just keep believing him to be good, faithful, and BIG.
IT HAS PURPOSE.