Monday, February 23, 2015

Gideon's newborn shoot

The following Monday after we had picked Gideon up on Friday, I took Gideon to Jenn's for his newborn shoot. I would like to say this was a wonderful, happy experience, but I remember the day being very difficult for me. After Friday, Saturday, and Sunday of getting to bask in the unexpected blessedness of being a mommy to a newborn (we were always planning on school-aged kids), Monday came with social worker calls, notification for court dates and mandated twice-a-week visitations. Although we felt our case would fairly certainly end in adoption, I was ripped out of "normal new born baby world" and transported to our reality. Uncertainty and fear, fierce love and hope. I cried between photos.

I only go into this to say- foster care is hard. It's loving completely with all your heart, praying for what you want while simultaneously praying for God's will and what's "best," not even really knowing what that means or what that is. It's feeling like you want this baby forever and always, while simultaneously greiving for his birth mother and wanting only the best for her. It's wanting complete control over everything and having zero control over anything. It's being a mother in every single way but having no say in your child's future. It's hard, it's important, and regardless of outcome, it's worth it.

I'm overjoyed he is ours. But I'll never stop praying for Gideon's birth mom. I don't take any of it lightly or for granted. We are all so broken... each in our own way. I love one line in the new Casting Crowns song. "Maybe you and I were never meant to be complete. Could we just be broken together?" I pray for peace and for us all to find a way to live together and do the best we can in our different forms of brokenness. And I pray that our main priority in our relationships, whatever kind they are, is to show grace. Grace upon grace. 

I don't know what any of that has to do with adorable newborn pics. It's just where I am, thinking of this day almost two and a half years ago. If you are just starting this journey, I can't promise happy endings or rainbows and daisies. But you're doing good, important work. And I understand where you are. Hold fast. God's promises are true and his blessings are real, no matter what form they take. They are there. Don't get so caught up in the crazy or in fear that you forget to find them. He is faithful.
















17 comments:

Homeschoolin Momma said...

Amazing pictures and beautiful words.

Galen said...

Faith saw you through. Your post is beautiful and heartbreaking at the same time, as is adoption. What a testimony, Patrice. Thank you for sharing.

Messy and Wonderful said...

I've been waiting for this announcement since his first heart-shaped-covered-face!!! Congratulations. From one adoptive mom to another, I am so happy for you all.

Jutta said...

Your post is pure love. Your beautiful heart comes visible to all of us reading your blog. Thank You for sharing. P.S. J is for sure the best big brother ever.

Anonymous said...

Legacy of an Adopted Child
Once there were two women who never knew each other.
One you do not remember, the other you call mother.
Two different lives, shaped to make your one...
One became your guiding star, the other became your sun.
The first gave you life and the second taught you to live it.
The first gave you a need for love, and the second was there to give it.
One gave you a nationality, the other gave you a name.
One gave you a seed of talent, the other gave you an aim.
One gave you emotions, the other calmed your fears.
One saw your first sweet smile, the other dried your tears.
One gave you up ... that's all she could do.
The other prayed for a child and God led her straight to you.
And now you ask me, through your fears,
the age old question unanswered throughout the years...
Heredity or environment, which are you the product of?
Neither, my darling … neither.
Just two different kinds of love.


~ Author Unknown

Anonymous said...

I am so happy this journey is finally at an end for you. I think your faith inspires me more than anything. Your family is beautiful. Peace and happiness to you. Holly

Marie said...

Wow! I hadn't checked in for a bit because you hadn't updated since November, and I missed all the Gideon posts! I've been wondering for 2 years what "baby G's" real name was. I'd been guessing Garrett haha. He is too cute! So happy it's all final and he's officially yours now. Jonah looks so proud.

Mary Kinsley said...

Patrice, thanks so much for sharing your beautiful, heart-felt thoughts on foster care and the beautiful pics of your family! Please keep 'em coming - we have a lot of catching up to do!

LeeAnn said...

What a precious, happy baby! All of the pics are great, but I really love the ones with Jonah and Gideon together.

Anonymous said...

Oh my goodness, what a cutie! So dang adorable!!

Cristi said...

Oh My Goodness! How completely precious! Praise God for your blessings.

Emily Maurer said...

I have been reading your blog since Gabe...and waiting patiently for the glorious unfolding of God's plan for "G". Gideon! What a handsome little man. God is so so so good! We have 3 bio and 1 via adoption and your words rang so true. Love that birth mom for life. it is akin to your love for Gideon and the picture of the Gospel...pursing her like God pursues us!

Toni :O) said...

I adore that family photo with sweet Jonah kissing his head and think the one of Gideon laying on Jonah's back is so precious. Just beautiful Patrice-no other words except I'm beyond thrilled for you all.

Erin said...

These are all so beautiful, so happy you finally get to share them and that it all worked out for your family. Thank you God!

brooke said...

Love.love.love.

brooke said...

Love.love.love.

JenandAsh said...

I've been reading your blog for several years now. And I've also worked in foster care for 10 years now…working specifically with children with special needs (developmental delays/disorders, mental health issues, medically fragile children, etc.). I was wondering if I might share part of this post on Facebook as we near the end of foster care awareness month? Specifically the second paragraph?

Please let me know. :-)