here we go again...

Shwoo. The Holy Spirit is turning me upside down these days. I have so much rolling around in my head, and very little that I can actually put words to. Between reading the gospels and reading Radical (and I'm only in chapter 4!), God is doing quite a work in my heart. I love it when He does that, but I also find it incredibly uncomfortable. I was joking (sort of) with my friend, Meredith, the other day, and told her that, for me, at this moment in my life, the Holy Spirit isn't so much the Comforter as the DIS-Comforter. :)

I am discontent, y'all. And for once, I don't think it's a bad thing. I'm so tired of claiming to follow Christ but doing very little to be a DISCIPLE. It is so easy to complacently live this life and watch others do what you should be doing or to throw money at this or that, while you sit back and watch. It's easy to say, vaguely, that one should feed the hungry, help the poor, visit the sick, serve those in need, care for the widows, rescue the orphans, and then continue living daily as you normally have all along. All the while praying that God will "open doors" and give you "opportunities" to serve. To say things like he hasn't "called" me to this or that, leaving the "mission work" up to those whom God has "gifted" or "called" to that work.

And please. I'm not writing this so y'all will say, "Oh, but Patrice, look what you're doing for Anton." I know that God laid that on my heart and kicked my butt a little. It's important and I'm so thankful he's allowed me to help in the way that I am. But honestly, y'all are doing more than I am. I am happy to facilitate things, but it's requiring very little "dying to self" to serve in this way. But again, I'm thankful. :)

And I know we all have different responsibilities depending on where we are in life. Obviously, a primary responsibility of parents, especially parents of younger children, is to raise your kids to know and love Christ. So all of us are being used in that way. But. BUT, is that ALL He calls us to do? If we keep waiting for a day when our lives are "easier" or things are more "stable" or we have more resources to do this or that, we're just going to go through life riding that fence of mediocrity. I think God calls us to so much more. Because I don't know if you've heard, but our lives are a vapor. We may never get "there," to whatever place it is we think we need to be before we start living uncomfortably, taking up our cross, and DAILY dying to self.

The one thing that Radical has pointed out to me (which is stupid because obviously it's like "DUH! That's what Jesus says") is that we aren't meant to be comfortable. Somehow, somewhere along the way, being humans (and especially Americans), we've decided that the purpose of our life is to get to a more comfortable, easy place. "Once my kids get older, things will be so much easier. We can go out to eat again or to the movies. We can have a life again." Or "Once we've worked x number of years, we'll retire and move to the beach." Or "Once our debt is paid off, we can use our money for this or that." Now I don't think it's wrong to look forward to our kids growing up or to retirement or certainly not to paying off our debt. But WHY are we looking forward to it? Is it because we are just living for things to get "easier" or "more comfortable"? And more importantly, is it holding us back from what we're called to do RIGHT NOW, in this very moment? The truth is, we might die before the kids age one more day or the debts get paid. And what will we have to show for our lives? We are made to 1) glorify our Lord and 2) to spread the gospel. I often wonder if my life (I mean the life that you don't see... the inside my walls, blinds shut, private life) is truly glorifying God, praising Him like He deserves, making Him pleased. And even more, I think, how many people have I shared the Good News with? How can I keep quiet when I've been set free? How can I keep that for myself?

People all around us are starving to death.
They can't pay their bills.
They don't have any way to go to the doctor.
They are living in the streets.
They're sad and broken hearted.
They look happy and put on a good face but are dying on the inside.
They don't have parents or a family to call their own.
They are so discouraged they don't think life is worth living.
They have suffered a tragic loss and everyone else has moved on.
They're completely empty inside.
They don't know Jesus.
Their lives are a vapor. Our lives are a vapor. We're running out of time.

Is my life meant to be lived comfortably? Am I here only to raise my kids, love my husband, and make it to retirement? Is the dream I'm living the American Dream or Jesus' dream for me?

WHAT IN GOD'S NAME AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE?

Matt and I are praying for 40 days about some big decisions in our life as we examine our purpose and what God is asking of us. (Obviously we won't stop praying after 40 days, but you get the point.) Our 40th day will be May 10th. I would love it, if you are in the same spot of reexamination and decision (or even if you're not) if you would join us. It's not about praying for "opportunities" but more about being still, knowing that God is big enough to provide and do a work through us that we don't feel like we can do ourselves, and discerning how He wants to use each of us. True, we are not all called to the same things, but WE ARE ALL CALLED TO SOMETHING. Meredith and her husband are about to start doing foster care. It's something she said she could/would never do up until this year. When people ask her, "How are you going to do that?" She always responds that she's not the one doing it. His grace is more than sufficient to fill in the gaps.

Our God is BIG enough. He is Faithful. He has a plan, and I'm pretty sure He's not in the business of bailing.

Here we are, Lord. Send us.

details on how to help anton

Oh man, I am being worked on here. I was just talking to Matt the other night about God calling me to something, but I just couldn't figure out what. I said something like, "I feel like he's given me the blog for a higher purpose than just, 'Jonah is doing well. We didn't do anything today. The End.'" And I know it's more than that, so I'm not trying to dismiss how many prayer warriors we've gained or the effect Jonah has had on peoples' lives or how God has worked through our struggles. But now, as things are becoming more and more stable, I just want to use the blog and the readership for more than just our day-to-day happenings... although I want to keep including that stuff too. Because it's still important. 


En-ee-ways...


I am committed to help advocate for Anton until we find him his Forever Family (or rather, until God leads them to each other), and I'm also committed to fundraising until he can come home. I feel a great Spirit led (I hope, anyway) urgency to pursue funds for Anton and help bring him home, wherever that may be. 


So a couple things:


1) I know everyone wants to help one way or the other, and I'm so thankful. I hope you can find a way, through the fundraisers we come up with or with an idea of your own to donate to Anton's adoption fund if you feel so led. His PayPal button is HERE or you can mail a check to Reece's Rainbow at PO Box 4024 Gaithersburg, MD 20885 (this is better for large donations, as they don't get hit with large PayPal fees). Make sure to include "Anton(15AAC)" in your "FOR" line.


2) I know not everyone is qualified to adopt Anton, so don't feel guilty if you are not in that place. Not everyone has space in their home or a hospital close by or can take on the time it requires to properly care for an EB child. Let's face it, as much as I would love to adopt him myself, I honestly don't know how we would/could care for both boys' needs. I already have help come in every day to help with Jonah's dressing change. I can't imagine having to ask for help for an additional two hours every day. (And dressing change is really the least of my concerns.) Plus, Anton will face many challenges due to RDEB that Jonah won't and he will face additional emotional and physical delays due to his circumstances. I'm not trying to talk you out of it, but please if you are considering, pray about it, contact DebRA or other EB Folks who can share their "reality" with you, and truly prepare yourselves for what his care, both physical and emotional, will entail. Believe me, whatever it is, it is TOTALLY WORTH IT.


3) If you are feeling like God might be calling you to this, please see these eligibility requirements and you can contact Larisa Ulinova at 215-264-3704 or larisa_ulanova (at) hotmail (dot) com with inquiries. Also, you can contact the folks at Reece's Rainbow or http://aboutachild.org, an adoption agency that partners with Reece's Rainbow.


4) I'm setting up a new blog, called Hope for Anton, where I will be adding fundraising opportunities through Thirty-One and Pampered Chef among others. Let me know if you have any fundraising ideas or suggestions or anything you'd like to "sell" with all proceeds going to Anton's fund. You can email me at momtobabyjonut (at) gmail (dot) com with any questions. I'm also going to be holding a "yard sale" online there at some point, selling some of my books and our nice, lightly worn, name brand clothing in hopes to raise some funds. I know that's kind of lame-o but here's the deal: I am not creative. I don't bake. I don't sew. I don't paint or build or make. But I like to read and I wear clothes. So there you have it. We all do what we can. 


I love you guys. You just don't know. I KNOW we can do this. Will you help spread the word? And go on over to the new blog, which currently has no posts, and become a follower or a Google Readerer or whatever you call it so you can get updates when new items/opportunities arise. 


Some may call this impulsive. I just call it RADICAL. :) 


"This is where we come face to face with a dangerous reality. We do have to give up everything we have to follow Jesus...The gospel does not prompt you to mere reflection; the gospel requires a response. In the process of hearing Jesus, you are compelled to take an honest look at your life, your family, and your church and not just ask, 'What is he saying?' but also ask, 'What shall I do?'"
- David Platt, Radical

a swift kick in the you-know-what

My friend, Muffy, just published this post. It is way too good not to share. I haven't even read the first chapter of Radical yet (we start this week), but God has already been kicking my butt in these same areas. Where are our priorities? Pretty gut wrenching stuff. Thanks, M, for always challenging me to seek Jesus more. I love you!


I will join with the millions tonight watching the Superbowl mainly because our dear friends invited us to watch it with them.  I am not a huge sports fan period, but the NFL particularly is not my favorite.  So, I have no idea what team to pull for and really don't care all that much!  But I do love a good party!  I'll be hollerin' "go, buffalo chicken dip!" Or "yay for chili!"  Who's playing anyway?

I never have quite understood the importance of professional sports.  When I think about too hard, my brain and my heart hurts.  I just don't get it.  Why do we pay these athletes so much money while we struggle to pay our educators?  Why?  Why are we more passionate about some dudes tossing around a pigskin than we are about making sure that people around the globe have a meal tonight?  Why?

Please don't think I excuse myself from these questions.  I am really wrestling with the Lord right now about our choices...  what our lifestyle looks like.  We don't live extravagantly.   Most months our budget is super tight, but we never miss a meal, and we always have a place to lay our heads.  We live comfortably.  But is that where the Lord wants us?

I just finished reading the book Radical by David Platt.  To say it was good would be inaccurate.  I would highly recommend this book to anyone wanting to more fully understand who Jesus is and what He commands us to do as His followers.  But, good?  Hmmm.  Good, I guess, if you like a punch in the gut.

Once my eyes have been opened to the filth that we, particularly, Americans, have made of our mission,  I want to throw up.  I mean, how is that it's ok with us that children around the world do not have safe drinking water? Why do I continue to purchase a $5/cup of coffee if I weren't somehow ok with this?  Or that I run to Target for just about anything while children are being trafficked around the globe.

I do know that I am just as guilty as anyone for creating idols, putting things or people in the place of God.  Oh, how I have failed.  We, as a nation, have failed: we are more passionate, give more press to and spend our money on a sport of tossing around a pigskin than we do making much of Jesus.

I do know I can no longer just turn a blind eye.  I have to do something.   I am asking God, "Lord, what is it that I've told I would never do for You?  How can I live differently to make Your Name great and that You get the glory?"

I am praying and seeking Jesus in a fresh way.  I am stripping Jesus of anything that I have made Him and looking at Him for who the Bible says He is.  Because, I either believe that Jesus is who He says He is or He's a lunatic.  If I say I believe, I need to be prepared to obey what  He commands me to do.

Oh dear.  This is going to be painful.

things are about to get radical

On January 31st, my Thirsty Ladies bible study group will start a new study. I LOVED "Satisfy My Thirsty Soul," and actually plan to read it again. It is that good and it's A LOT to take in. Apparently my brain and heart can only take so much conviction at a time. I'm pretty sure there's a lot more in that book that will slap me in the face the second go round. Back to the point. The hubbies are going to join us in our study this time, meeting every other Monday night, opposite of us. We did it this way so that we never have to worry about childcare. I hope to use those "off" Monday nights, after I get Jonah down, to do some personal study of my own or blog my thoughts and what God is showing me through our study. I'll have to wait and see how it goes. Anyway, the book we will be doing is called "Radical: Taking Back Your Faith from the American Dream." I'm excited to read it but actually pretty of afraid of it, to tell you the truth.


Here's the trailer if you're interested (beware: CHALLENGING stuff):



God is doing some serious work in me. I am thinking and praying A LOT about how to be Jesus to those around me. It's hard, I think, knowing that I can't go to these poverty and hunger ravaged countries and jump in. The truth is, if my life were different, I would go in a heartbeat, taking Matt and Jonah with me, of course. But Jonah needs very time-involved care, a safe, clean place to live, and access to good medical care. And I know that there is plenty to be done here in the States. In many ways, I think Americans could use a lot more missionizing than the rest of the world. BUT, because I'm pretty limited on my out-of-the-house time and don't have qualified childcare help with Jonah, I can't go somewhere and volunteer during the week, I'm asking God to show me how to do what I can from where I am, right now. I don't mind donating money. But I don't want to JUST donate money. I want to sacrifice my time. My self. I have a couple things in mind, but I'm not going to share them quite yet.


I would love to hear any ideas of things you are trying to do or have done in the past to reach out to others, even when your availability or other resources might have been short. I know that I can't and won't excuse myself any longer. I'm ready to get radical, or you know, as radical as I can right now. :)