Showing posts with label anton. Show all posts
Showing posts with label anton. Show all posts

Friday, December 18, 2015

Precious Vanessa

This was Vanessa's status earlier today.

This morning:

I woke up early this morning in a panic because I couldn't find Anton. I couldn't remember which bed I put him in to sleep. Then I realized he was gone and my heart broke all over again...

I can normally get though the day okay but waking up in the mornings is the worst. It's when I first wake up that it hits me... That it really happened and he isn't here...

I miss him so much.

This evening:

Anton's plane just landed in Texas. I know he is in Heaven but the thought of his little body being in a different state than me is too much to handle.

Guys, can you even imagine? I can a little. I remember the morning after Gabe's funeral was the worst - realizing that I could never touch or feel him again... never again hold him in my arms. Now to imagine having to do that with a child I got to know and love about breaks my heart in two. Will you pray for my dear friend? Mornings are the absolute worst, and if you've ever lost someone so close to you, you know that feeling when you wake up and realize it's NOT a nightmare and the grief physically presses in on you to the point where you feel like you can't breathe. And you relive it all again, and it's almost too much to bear.


My body is in North Carolina but parts of my heart are in Minnesota and Texas. I can divide mine into three parts. Hers is shattered into a million pieces. Will you pray for my friend?

Many have asked how to help, and Vanessa has requested that as people feel led, to please contribute to Dr. Tolar's continuing groundbreaking research. When you would ask Anton what he wanted to be when he grew up, he would say that he wanted to be just like Dr. Tolar and find a cure for EB. His research and trial are the closest thing we've ever had to a cure. We are close. I can feel it. And Anton was a part of that.

If you would like to contribute in honor of Anton, to help realize his dream, you can do so HERE (you can also read more details here as well). 

Thank you for your continued prayers for peace and comfort. They will be moving back to Texas on Tuesday so please be in prayer for all of that too. They're having to say goodbye to their Minnesota family and their home for the last 10 months and going home without Anton. 



Lord, wrap them tightly. Fill those grief suffocating spaces with your life giving breath and sustenance. Hem them in on all sides and make each moment bearable enough to survive to the next. Give them moments of joy in the mourning. Moments of laughter in the sadness. Fill their hearts with the joy of who Anton was and comfort them in their brokenness.

Wednesday, December 16, 2015

Beautiful Anton

I sent my family to church without me, which I never do... because sometimes you just need a minute, you know? I've needed several over the last week and a half.

I'm sure many of you have heard by now, but for those of you who haven't, Sweet Anton went to be with Jesus last night. Do you remember him? I first saw his picture and found out he needed a forever family in early February of 2011. I have NEVER in my life felt so pricked and so immediately called to do something as I did the first time I saw his face. On that day he stole a piece of my heart and I knew I would never be the same.


Do you remember what happened next? Do you remember how God moved? Do you remember how He used me AND YOU and so many beautiful, wonderful, life-giving, love-exuding people to fight for Anton? To give him hope and a future? Do you remember how we came together to find him a family, started Hope for Anton and fundraised to bring him home? Do you remember how God used us to change a little boy's life forever? Do you remember the God story?


Do you remember when I had never met Vanessa but she came here and lived with us for a week to learn everything she could about EB? We met for the first time when I picked her up at the airport and that day she stole a piece of my heart and I knew I would never be the same. She is one of the most incredible people I've ever met and we were instant friends, even sisters.


Do you remember how God entwined our lives and wrote a beautiful story of love, redemption and faithfulness that changed not only Anton, not only their family's life, but ours as well? Her story became mine and my story became hers and God did something so big it took my breath away and I wondered in awe why in the world He would let me be a part of something so amazingly spectacular. 











Do you know how I have loved that child as if he were my very own from the moment I saw his face? Do you know how the light he gave to the world changed it forever and how it is ever so much darker now that he is gone? 



I got to travel to Minnesota over the weekend to see him and tell him goodbye. I can't believe I had to tell him goodbye.



                         

And now he's gone. And I know where he is and that he no longer suffers. I know that God is good and Anton is healed and whole and running and jumping and playing and wrestling. I know that he's met his older sisters by now and hopefully even run into Gabe and Tripp. I know he's in the arms of Jesus.

But my heart is breaking. I miss his voice and his light that radiated from Russia to Texas to Minnesota and back again. I miss his silliness and his sheer will to fight and live. I miss the happiness he unleashed wherever he went... and even where he didn't. One day I'll be okay. But today is not that day. I miss Anton. As Vanessa said, he charmed the world.



And we will never be the same.

Tuesday, March 27, 2012

saying goodbye...

I said goodbye to Vanessa and Anton tonight. My flight boards at 6:20 in the morning. I'll be home by noon my time.

I'm really, really, really going to miss this kid. I love him so much.



I don't want to think about it. :(

sweet anton time

I'm going to keep this short and sweet because it's after midnight here and I'm pooped. Anton is so sweet and wonderful and has the most mellow, content little personality. He LOVES being loved on by Mommy and Daddy, but has also been really quick to warm up to Jen and me. 

When we got there on Saturday, Vanessa hadn't been out in days, so we all went out for a walk. It was a warm (but not too warm), beautiful night, and the garden/walkway area outside of the hospital was so pretty. Anton was in Heaven!
















Vanessa and I were so anxious all day yesterday and last night. Between having to do bath and bandages (which is really painful for Anton), messing up his IV, having unsuccessful pricks on the floor, going back and forth on whether to do the NG again (we didn't), and him having to have his IV done down in Anesthesia, SLOOOOW Sunday service, and having lots of unanswered questions, things were just building up. We each had a good cry at different times, and we were both feeling peaceful this morning. (I actually only got three hours of sleep the night before and dreamed that the Tribulation had begun and I had been left behind. And that there was a little EB boy with me during all of it - not Jonah or Anton - who had just had a g-tube operation and his button kept falling out. Horrible dreams. Restless sleep.) God answered all our prayers though and we really did feel good about things this morning.

They would not let Vanessa go back at the beginning, but did agree to let us both go back at the end to re-bandage him before taking him to recovery. They answered all our questions (correctly!), and we knew he was in great, EB experienced hands. He was agitated this morning and not digging being down in pre-op.








And then he got good drugs...

And all was right with the world again...

"Mmmmmmm, good stuff."

It was so so funny.

Starting to get playful. "Stop hitting yourself in the face with your IV, Anton."


"I love you, Mommy."

Blowing bye bye kisses. He was so content. It was a wonderful way to leave him.

 Or for him to leave us, rather.

"See you soon, Sweet Babe."

It took them a long time to get him prepared and intubated, but all went smoothly. After that, the actual surgery probably lasted no more than 30 minutes. Turns out his stomach wasn't turned as much as they originally thought, and there were no complications (besides normal EB ones). Praise God!

They then called Vanessa and I to put on our scrubs to prepare to come back. We were in a consult room by ourselves, but then looked so ridiculous, we had to call Jason away from guarding our stuff to document our absurdity.

I truly believe that God has a great sense of humor and provides us with these moments in hard and stressful situations to ease our burden. I also live by the philosophy, "You have to laugh about it so you don't cry," and I always prefer laughter over a sob fest... although I do plenty of that too. :)


The re-bandage and extubation went well and then Anton went back to recovery. They had to keep him down there a long time because his heart rate was low, probably due to being cold combined with the pain medicines, but soon he was able to head back to his room.

A sleepy, sleepy (adorably cute) baby.

He had a pretty low key day after surgery, and they mostly left him alone. He is in some pain but seems to be doing well when on pain meds. Toward the end of the night, he was starting to play with us and be silly and was resting peacefully when Jen and I left. (These cell phone pics were literally 5 seconds apart.)
 

Tomorrow we'll have to do bath and bandages again, and they will begin seeing what his stomach can tolerate through his g-tube. They will begin with Pedialyte and then try some formula as the day goes on. Please pray that he can handle feeds well, so we can get that IV out! IV's and EB kids do not mix. That is the last big stressor, and then things should settle down. Vanessa has a hard time sleeping, worried about him rubbing his face with his big ol' bandaged arm or ripping his IV out. It is really stressful.

Plus, we just can't wait to pump this sweet boy full of nutrition to get his wounds to healing. He does have some infection on his right arm, and we haven't heard yet how to treat that, but they are recommending vinegar baths for now. It smells like we died Easter eggs in the bathroom.

I'm sad that tomorrow is my last day with Vanessa and Anton, but also anxious to get home. Jonah has been sick and throwing up a lot (from congestion) and is now on breathing treatments and Prednisone (again!). Instead of making him super grumpy this time, they are making him wild and crazy and he decided to crawl over his crib railing today. Granny caught him half way over, so thankfully he didn't fall. This is so out of character for him, as he is usually a really cautious kid for the most part. Anyway, he's now sleeping on his crib mattress on the floor so I suppose he will be getting a big boy bed when I get home. STOP GROWING UP! Or at least wait until I'm home from Texas, thankyouverymuch.

Thank you all for your love and prayers. Jason and Vanessa are doing an AMAZING job, and they are already such wonderful parents to Anton. God has put them together for a very clear and wonderful reason. So amazing to get such a clear, small glimpse into his glorious plan and vision. What a story. What a baby. What an amazing God we serve. All glory to Him forever!

(This was not short and sweet at all, and now it's almost 1am, so please forgive the no proofreading. I'm beat. :) )