i thought i was your fantasy

Ask me what my husband is doing right now... Go on, ask me.

He is doing an online Fantasy Football draft. (1 hour and 45 minutes and counting...)

Ask me how long he spent preparing for it... Go on, ask me.

I bet he put 12 hours into ranking pretty much every stinkin' player known to man (but not really known to anybody, because he ranked lots of players nobody has ever even heard of). He ranked so many players, he had to take some off the list, because Yahoo wouldn't even accept that long of a list.

What's the saying?
Those who can't go pro and don't have time to play sports anymore, because they have to work all day and then come home and help take care of a high maintenance baby play Fantasy.

Oh - I made that up? My bad.

So I've been thinking of ways to supplement our income now that we are one income down and the bills just keep a comin'. (Funny how that happens, huh?)...

So for this week only, for two easy installments of only $19.95, I will steal his rankings list and fax it or email it to your husband/boyfriend/fiance/brother/father/cousin once removed.

And I GUARANTEE Fantasy Football Season success. Because believe me, NO man has put as much time into ranking tons of meat-head players who may or may not rack up points in a fake game as MY man.

I'm so proud.

But Wait! There's MORE! Be one of the first ten customers, and I'll also have him shoot your husband an email on how to tweak and modify these rankings based on what number pick he draws (because, apparently, that matters... DUH!)

ACT NOW! DON'T DELAY! And the very real man in your life can have very fake success in a completely made up season of Fantasy Football, consisting of a not real team of players who go against each other in real life, but somehow manage to earn points on the same team in Fantasy World.

And if you're lucky like me, your husband will start saying things like, "I'm pulling for the Panthers, but if the other team has to score a touch down or our quarterback has to get sacked by someone or the opposing team has to make an interception, I hope it's ____________ (aka enemy player on the other team) who does it, because he's on my Fantasy team. Because after all folks, it's no longer about real games and true team allegiance.

It's all about the completely made up team of players that put points on HIS not exactly real scoreboard each week. It's all about showing all your friends who is best at picking who will be the best, but having absolutely no control over their performance whatsoever.

And on a completely different note, of course (oozing with sarcasm), I joined a new club today.

Click here to check it out. (No, seriously click here or this joke won't be funny.)

And as a member of this club, I may or may not buy the following two apparel items:

- a bright new shiny t-shirt with this statement:

- and/or a nice pair of boy-shorts underwear with the following:

Won't you join me, sisters?

WAFS united will never be defeated! WAFS united will never be defeated!

my weekend - by: jonah

Hi everybody! It's me, Jonah, again. I had a nice weekend I wanted to tell you about.

Yesterday I took a two hour morning snooze on the floor. I was watching the Little League World Series with my dad, but man, I just got really tired, so after my bottle, I zonked out.




There's nothing better than a good, long nap. "What, Mommy?" (I hate it how she always has to read over my shoulder.) "What do you mean - What's a nap?"


After nap, I got to have some Nudey-Nudey Time. It was pretty great, but too short. Alas, Nudey-Nudey Time never seems long enough. This is my blue dog my Nana got for me. I like to wrestle him during Nudey-Nudey Time. Sometimes I also bite his face. Don't worry, he likes it.





What's that?



You want your Nana to get you a blue dog too? Okay. I'll have my Nana call your Nana.


After Nudey-Nudey Time, I took a bath. That's always pretty fun. I have a mini-basketball goal and a water wheel that I like to look at. Mom has a hard time keeping water in the wheel, bathing me, and keeping me from rubbing my belly all at the same time. See that burp cloth on my belly?




It's not just for decoration. That's mom's (not so effective) attempt at keeping me from rubbing blisters on my tummy. That and rubbing my feet together are my new favorite things.


Afterwards, I got my bandages changed. I was such a brave boy, and I only cried a couple times. Most of the time I was pretty content.





Wait, what did you say?




You think I'm the cutest baby ever?




Why, I'm blushing. You're too kind.


Aunt Sarah came and helped with dressing change, and then we got to hang out until my afternoon nap. We just sat and held hands...

... and then she gave me lots of kisses.

After I got up from nap, Nana, Aunt Sarah, and Aunt Shaina invited us to dinner. Mommy wasn't sure we could go, because almost every time she puts me in my car seat I have a Niagara Falls vomit all over my bandages and the car seat.

But she decided we should try it...

So I threw up all over myself. (Sorry... I don't have a picture.)

Mommy started to flip out (because, like I said, I do this 90% of the time she puts me in my car seat), but Daddy helped change bandages while Nana cleaned the car seat. Everybody really thinks Mommy needs to get out of the house more, but it sure is hard when I'm throwing up all the time. I can't help it, and Mommy knows that, but it's still pretty frustrating.

So... we finally left the house and headed here...

I was content, although I didn't want to smile for the camera. I just played in my car seat until I fell asleep.

Here is a picture of some of my favorite girls in the world. That's Nana, Aunt Sarah, and Aunt Shaina.

This is Mommy being a dork. Don't ask me what she was doing, because I have no idea. Like I said, she doesn't get out much.

Here are Daddy, Mommy, and me. I was such a good boy. True, I fell asleep which meant I didn't go to bed until 11 and then was up (on Mommy's night) from 3:45-5:20 am, but Mommy still says it was worth it. That girl loves her some chicken tacos.

And guess what? When it was time for the bill to come, the waitress came and said someone who preferred to remain anonymous had already taken care of ours. Isn't that amazing? So anyway, whoever you are, wherever you are, Mommy and Daddy said to tell you thank you from the bottom of their hearts. That was so extremely nice of you.

And tonight I got to go to Pinedale in the Park at Tanglewood and see all my friends. I also got to hear some live music which I love. Ms. Gina (GiGi) held me almost the whole time, so Mom and Dad go to relax a little. Mom says she has some pictures, but that will have to wait for another post, because she doesn't have time to upload them for me right now. (I haven't learned how to do that part yet.)

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And I was wondering, while I've got the computer, if I could put in a prayer request for my mom. She usually doesn't ask for prayers for herself, but I think she needs it, so I'm stealing the computer to ask for her.

She is really struggling right now because I'm throwing up so much, especially every time she tries to put me in my car seat. Besides hating it for me, she is having a really hard time not being able to get out and about with me. The only time we'd be able to get out is after dressing change, and by that time, the help is gone and my bandages are nice and clean. She's afraid to risk me vomiting on them and not having any help to get them changed. And even though Daddy can watch me in the evenings and offers for mom to get out, it's just not the same. I catch her in tears a lot, and I think she is grieving a lot over the things she doesn't get to do with me. She doesn't want to go out in the evenings without me. She doesn't need a break from me. She wants to be able to take me out and show me the world... go to the library or Target or the grocery store or to the park like all the other moms and babies. I think she's struggling a lot with grief and just plain jealousy. I heard her tell Dad that she can handle all the EB stuff, but that it's the vomiting all over my bandages that is going to send her over the edge. She doesn't understand why I have to deal with all the EB stuff, plus very severe acid reflux. On top of the sheer inconvenience of it all, she worries about me throwing up all my medicines and not getting enough calories. I barely eat enough as it is.

So anyway, if you could just pray for renewed strength and perseverance for my mom, that would be so great. She tries to handle all the EB stuff with a relative amount of sanity, but I really think she's on the edge...

Thank you all so much for praying for us. Mommy says I'd be completely blown away if I really knew the number of people who pray for me every single day. I know she is.

six month check-up

Jonah had his six month check-up today. He did pretty well. He got one oral vaccine (which he puked all over the place... we've had quite the pukey day today... I've changed his chest bandage three times...), 2 other vaccines, and a flu shot. They tell me EB babies have a high tolerance to pain, which must be true because I was talking to him and playing with him, and he just laughed his way through the first shot. He did cry for the next one, and the nurse said that one always hurts them. He seemed fine tonight though. He never runs a fever or gets extra fussy (or even extra tired) when he gets shots. His height and weight are both between the 25th and 50th percentile. His growth is great, and the doctor was just so pleased with how he's growing. She thinks it's a God-thing too, because it sure doesn't make worldly sense how he keeps pulling it off.

They did well today, and I'm happy to report there was no injection-site-rubbing or tongue-depressing. He was handled with great care. :)

I LOVE Dr. B. She is just so sweet, and she spends so much time with us. I never feel rushed or like she's doing an "obligatory" visit. She spent at least a half an hour with us today. And honestly, the appointment ended up being more about me than about Jonah. I had a slight emotional breakdown and pretty much went off about everything from sleep deprivation to what's wrong with the health care system in our country (soap box much?). She was so sweet, and just kept saying she wishes there was more that she could do for us and that they're here for us. And they are. And I love that. And I'm better now... sort of.

It's been a tough one. On the days where he vomits much and sleeps little, I get more overwhelmed. But usually he follows up with a wonderfully non-vomitous day, and things always seem brighter in the morning. And it's Matt's night tonight, so I'm hoping for some nice sleep.

He semi-put himself to sleep tonight. We fed him. He puked. We fed him some more. He puked some more. So by that time he was very awake, to say the least. So then we just put him in bed and turned on his mobile. I stayed in his room but out of sight, and after about thirty minutes, he got really quiet. I went over, and his eyes were closed, and he was rubbing his face, so I just held his hand down by his side for about ten seconds, and he was gone. I'm hoping this can kind of start being a habit. Dr. B says he's probably waking up so much at night for butt-pattings, because he just doesn't know how to get back to sleep on his own. She knows that crying it out is not an option, but this is kind of a modified talk-yourself-to-sleep method, and I'm hoping we can work with him on this.

Oh, I've been invited to speak at my first event. I don't want to give the details yet, because it's just been a game of phone tag with the organizer, but I've said yes to her voicemail. I'm totally nervous and kind of want to throw up in my mouth a little bit, but I really believe in the event, and really want to be involved however I can. I'm excited but scared out of my mind. Even though I love to talk and am a (former) teacher, I still get really nervous with public speaking. It's kind of one of those things that I freak out about until the moment I start talking, and then the nerves kind of just go away. I'm hoping that will be the case this time... you know, if it works out. I'll keep you posted.

Well, I'm off to bed. This very long day has come to an end. But I'm still thankful for it. I hope I never sound ungrateful when I'm having these tough days. I'm definitely not. I thank God every day for Jonah, and even if the circumstances are less than ideal, I'll do what I need to do for him and will praise God for every moment I get with him. Please don't misread exhaustion for ingratitude. He is so great! He's stolen my heart.

six months today

Hi World!
Today is my Half-Birthday!!!


See?

I have had kind of a grumpy day, but Mom and Dad tell me if anyone is allowed to have a grumpy day now and then, it’s me.

Today I weigh 16 pounds, 5 ounces. Isn’t that awesome? Mommy says she is so amazed that even though I have inconsistent (what does that word mean?) eating habits, and I’m the best puker this side of the Mississippi, I still continue gaining a half a pound a week. She says it’s totally a God-thing. And it seems like my face is getting a little better (although it looked a little rough today).

Remember how it looked only a few months ago?




And my hands have been much better the last couple days. Mommy says she knows there will be good days and bad days. She says she’s afraid to get her hopes up. I keep telling her to chill out and embrace the miracle. Let God do what God’s gonna do, and quit pretending like you have any control over it. (Don’t worry I use my nice voice and my sweet eyes when I tell her. That crazy lady. You have to be careful with her… she’ll cry at the drop of a hat. Silly girl. But I love her. I just can’t help it.)

Like my shirt?

Mommy says it’s very descriptive of me today. I’m not sure what she means. Do I look like an alligator?

What exactly...

... is she trying to say???

Hey, look at my hair!

It’s finally coming back. Mom said I Aquaphored it as soon as she washed it today, so we embraced the Mohawk.

I sleep in my own room now.

It’s pretty cool. I have my very own big boy bed.

Some might argue that it’s not really a big boy bed, but only a crib. But I’ve never really liked Some anyway. I’m still waking up three to five times a night. Usually I only have to be fed once, sometimes twice. Mostly I just wake up crying and want to be flipped over or have my tooshy patted. Mom and Day say I’m getting too old for all that. But they just Keep. Comin’. Back. I’ve got ‘em right where I want ‘em.

I’ve decided to like my swing again. Well, actually I love it. I know I’ve been a little back and forth about it, but I’m pretty sure I’m stickin’ with it this time. Those lights are awesome. Mom and Dad put me in it every night while they set up for tomorrow’s dressing change.

And check this out...

Mom says it’s called an exersaucer. Whatever it’s called, it’s suuuuhweet. I like being up where I can see everything. Mommy hopes I start putting some weight on my feet soon. She can disguise her physical therapy as cool toys any day of the week. We all know I call the shots and am going to do what I want to do anyway and when I darn well please, so whatever. I don’t know what’s with the Dora bowl, the purple Bumbo, and the purple and pink exersaucer. But don’t worry, I continue to wear lots of muscle tees to prove my manhood.

♫ No matter what they take from me they can’t take away my masculinity. ♫

"So," you ask, "How is tummy time going?"

Well, see for yourself...

Still no. And Mommy, get OUT of my face with that camera and pick me up already! I already did my requisite five seconds!!!

This month I have learned how to make the sounds Ba and Ma. I usually only say them when I’m upset, but still, it’s something. I also know how to blow raspberries and stick my tongue in and out over and over again. I’m trying really hard to click it, but I haven’t gotten there quite yet.

I’m also reaching out and trying to touch most everything now. I can grip really light-weight things or cloths. I still can’t really hold much of anything, but I’m really working on it. I can hold my little lobster for a few seconds. I’ve come a long way just in this last month. Mommy says she doesn’t care how long it takes. She’s still just so proud of me. I’m not rolling over yet either, but Mom and Dad say I’m free to take my time on that one. I think they are really worried about what happens at dressing change time when I can do that little trick. They are in for it, let me tell ya.

I’m kind of hating baby food. I won’t open my mouth for it, and now that I can blow raspberries, I like to raspberry that stuff all over Mommy’s face. Get that mess out of here.

I will now rate the foods I’ve tried –

Apples – Delicious (when I actually open my mouth enough to get some in.)
Squash – Pretty Tasty
Bananas – Tolerable
Sweet Potatoes – Not so much. Too thick maybe?
Avocado – Don’t get me started. I’ll tell you where you can shove your…

(Sorry, I got a little carried away.)

And guess what? Aunt Kim got me a Half-Birthday present. See?

I thought it was pretty cool until daddy balled up the paper. That kinda scared me, and I started crying. She got me some cool foam building blocks. The package says they’re for building. Apparently Mom and Dad think they are for putting all over me.

I wasn't amused.

Thanks, Aunt Kim!

Mom says I’m too little this year, but her plan is to celebrate my half-birthdays. For year birthdays I get to have a party, friends, the whole hoopla. But for half-birthdays I get to choose a special activity to do with my family. I think it will really be neat. That way, since I have a winter birthday, I can do summer things for my half-birthday. Mom says she plans on spending many, many half and year birthdays with me.

Mom and Dad are so thankful for all the miracles God has already done for me in these short six months. Many people never thought I would make it to six months. Many thought I’d never come home from the hospital. But here I am. Strong. Brave. And healthy besides this stupid EB. It won’t get me down. Mommy says I’m the toughest, strongest, bravest person she’s ever met. She says I’m her hero.

She and Daddy thank God for me every single day. HE is making me who I am. And Mom and Dad think that Who I Am is pretty darn great. Blisters and all.

baby ayden

Some friends of Lauren's, Lindsey and Jeremy, had to say goodbye to their four-month-old son, Ayden, on Tuesday. He apparently rolled over in his sleep at daycare and stopped breathing.

Can you please visit Lindsey's blog and let them know you are praying for them?

They are having the funeral today, and it is so hard. I remember distinctly thinking at Gabe's funeral that they shouldn't have to make caskets so small.

Please be in prayer for Lindsey and Jeremy. I don't know them personally, but my heart is breaking for them. Please stop by and cover them in love.

Thank you.

raya: the anti-cat

This was the scene at our house back on March 30th when we finally got to bring Jonah home. Neither of the animals was too keen on our newest addition, and they both went round and round the car seat checking out the new intruder. Surprisingly, they are extremely tolerant of one another... I would even venture to say they are friends, but another human in the picture was not quite what they had bargained for.

And this one...

Well, he's still not so sure about Jonah, but he's certainly not losing any sleep over it. But give him some time, and I think they'll become fast friends. I mean, as soon as Jonah can throw a toy and play tug-of-war, Deac will have found his soul mate. In the meantime, though, Jonah thinks Deac is hilarious, and Deac just wants to be let outside. Such is life with a spoiled rotten dog. Long gone are the days of the baby voice and hugs being all for him. Move over, Deac. Jonah's in the hizzouse.


But this one...

She's a strange bird... err... cat. I've always thought cats were kind of aloof and stuck up (as so hilariously depicted in this post of an email I received), but Raya does not fit the bill. She's one sweet kitty. Always wanting to be petted and loved on. Loves attention. Soft like a bunny rabbit. Correctly uses the litter pan (at least most of the time anyway). She's all around the best cat I've ever had (and I've had many a cat)... or known of for that matter.

And Raya LOVES Jonah. She lies on the bed downstairs while we're doing dressing change, but when he starts getting really upset, when she knows he's in pain, she immediately comes over and starts rubbing all over our legs. She follows us from room to room and is usually not far from Jonah.

She comes up to his room when I put him down for nap in the afternoon, and does the same when it's bedtime. And once he's asleep, you can typically find her lying at the top of the stairs outside of the nursery.

This cat...

... is one of a kind. She is, in fact, very dog-like in her loyalty to our sweet Baby Jonut. It's been amazing to see how she senses when he's hurting and how she desires to make it better.

But look at this face...

Can you really blame her?

What is Deac's problem anyway???

spanish - lesson two

UPDATE: I just killed a fly with my bare-hand. That's right, my bare hand. And not just any hand... my LEFT hand. My non-dominant hand. Mr. Miyagi would be so proud. (And PETA would be ticked... but that's a whole other post.)
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Ok, here are the answers to your Spanish questions. None of this stuff goes together in the least, but I'll try to do better next time. I haven't had time today to even touch the computer or think about a blog post until now.

Where is the bathroom? - ¿Dónde está el baño?
(Pronounced: Doan-day es-tah el bahn-yo?)

** Whenever I type "ah", I'm indicating the "a" sound as in the word "father." And I have no clue how to really type these sounds out correctly. I took a Spanish phonetics class in college, and did rather well actually, but have NO IDEA how to do it anymore. I'm sure phoneticists - if that's what they're even called - and kindergarten teachers round the world are cringing. **

Somebody asked how to pronounce "flauta" (flute)... Ugh. I wish I could just say it for you... The closest I can get to typing the sound would be "flowtah," but it's not like flow, it's like the "flow" part of flower. The "au" in Spanish is close to the "ow" sound we say when we get hurt.

How do you say "I love you"?
The most common way to say "I love you" is "Te quiero."
Pronounced: tay key-err-oh

Another way is "Te amo."
Pronounced: tay ah-moe
But this one is reserved for very intimate loves, such as your significant other or your love for God... or at least that's my understanding. (Feel free to chime in, mis hispanohablantes, if you know/use it differently.)

How do you make the accent marks on the computer?
You can see all the ALT codes here, but these are completely useless to me, seeing as how I can't even remember what day of the week or even month of the year it is. The way I typically do it is in Microsoft Word, click Ctrl + ' + the vowel. Then I just copy and paste from Word to the Internet. I don't know how to do the tilde over the n that way. For that one (and for the capital letters, upside down exclamation and question mark) I do Insert, Symbol, change it to Latin-1, and you can find all the symbols you need. On second thought, maybe using the ALT codes is easier, but considering I write my address wrong half the time, I should probably just stay away from having to remember lots of numbers.

******************************************

Jonah update:

Jonah is eating much more these last few days (27 ounces the day before yesterday, 29 ounces yesterday, about 26 today), but he's also been throwing up A LOT more, so I don't know if the increased ounces are really doing a whole lot of good. Despite his eating inconsistencies and the massive spit-ups, though, he continues to gain about a half a pound most weeks.

Praise God!

His newest thing is constantly rubbing his feet together, which may be normal in baby development, but is bad for us. You can imagine the state of his feet and toes right now because of this new hobby. Not. Good. His right foot is especially bad. That was also the leg that had the huge calf blister, but thanks to an EB mommy (Thanks, Katie!) we kept Desitin (the original) on it, and by the time the skin sloughed off, the skin underneath was already mostly healed - not raw AT ALL!

Praise God!

He is at a really fun age right now, learning new things every day. Today he kept sticking his tongue in and out, in and out, over and over again, and even tried to click his tongue once or twice. He's really interested in that one and just stares and stares if you do it, trying to figure it out. So cute. We've figured out that his laugh is less of a true laugh, and more of a huge smile followed by a really high-pitched squeal. It's really adorable, but something tells me he's going to be an extremely loud three year old.

Praise God!

Anyway, today was much better than yesterday (which was good because I was on the verge of insanity by the time the day was over). God gave me exactly what I needed today: Matt's mom's help with dressing change and household chores (Thanks, Debbie!), for Jonah to take a three hour nap (most days he's only sleeping about an hour in the afternoons), and for no Niagara Falls gushers (he's not in bed yet, so knock on wood or don't count your chickens or don't talk about the no-hitter or... well, you get the idea.)

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Please be in prayer for Shaina tonight. Tomorrow is her first day of high school. I'm excited but extremely nervous for her, so I can just imagine how she feels.

Buena suerte, Shaina. Que Dios vaya contigo. (Look it up, kiddo, Spanish starts tomorrow!)

the 15 minutes from you know where

So no church again for me today. Jonah threw up all over himself last night, his hand bandages are disgusting, and he looks like a grease monkey. Matt did go to church. Jonah was up a lot last night, so instead of him waking up at 7:15, I got him back to sleep until around 9:15. And then he woke up.

And then it happened... the 15 minutes from you know where.

I go up to get him and he is in a puddle of pee. (NOT a problem.) He also has a poopy diaper. (Still NOT a problem.) So I bring him downstairs, take off his shirt (which is soaked), and start changing his diaper. He then begins puking up mucus and choking. (PROBLEM.) So I just let his poopy legs go and suction his nose and mouth. I then go back to cleaning up the poopy. It doesn't look so bad... It looks as if I am going to only have to change the top layer of bandaging on only one leg. That's easy. But then, while I am working on the top part of the leg, he proceeds to pee all over the bottom part... through two of the three layers. And as I try to finish up wrapping the top, he kicks his leg, and the roll of gauze unwraps and lands right in the pee puddle (where else?). So I unwrap his whole leg and open a new roll of gauze (with my teeth, of course) and begin working on the bottom part of the leg. As I'm doing this, Jonah starts choking on mucus again, and this time it comes out of his mouth and nose. So I have to drop everything, pick him up, and attempt to turn him over (I say attempt because he's doing that completely rigid, standing up in the air thing that scared babies do... and did I mention he has a fragile, unbandaged leg exposed?). I suction him out again, finish wrapping the unwrapped leg, and finally finish changing his diaper.

It's been a long day... and we've only been up for an hour.

(This was not at all funny when it was happening, but I'm hoping to be able to find some humor in it later, thus the "funny stories" label. Surely it will be funny, right? Someday. Maybe?)

jonah in a good mood

I'm sleepy tonight, and it's my night to get up with Jonah, so I don't have many words, but enjoy this video of Jonah in a great mood! We had a good day today, and I'm so thankful for all the moments (even the grouchy, exhausting, difficult ones) that God gives us.

HE is the miracle!

Man, I love this kid. :)

the nature of miracles

So I was already planning on doing a post on this topic, and had been thinking about it A LOT lately and trying to decide what I actually believe when my friend Jill, who is battling ALS, wrote this post. It was actually pretty crazy (and I'm sure not at all coincidental) that we were thinking about the same things.

* A side note before I get into all of this - I think Jill is one of the most courageous, honest, and amazing people on the face of this planet. I won't say she's strong or an inspiration (because I know that she doesn't feel like it), but I admire so many things about her, probably the biggest ones being her transparency and ever-growing faith (no matter how that manifests itself, Jill). *

I was talking to a friend the other day, and she said she doesn't think God performs miracles like He did back in Bible days. She said she thinks He did it that way back then to confirm the Word and that Jesus was, in fact, the Son of God.

I hope that's not true. I NEED to believe in miracles. And I'm not talking about a Stepladder Babies sort of miracle or even a Gabe's Message sort of miracle. I'm talking about an out and out God snaps his finger and takes away Jonah's EB sort of miracle. Because, honestly, I think a miracle from God is more likely than a cure. I'm not trying to be a pessimist or a defeatist, but if Jonah has the most rare form of an already extremely rare disorder, why would the research money go to curing his type? (Junctional is only 10% of EB cases.) And I know about the bone marrow transplants that are being done (and successfully so), but that's only for Dystrophic and, right now, only for kids who have a sibling match. And bone marrow transplants are no joke. They are dangerous and risky and no easy fix, to be sure.

I beg God for a miracle all the time - complete and total healing. I know He can do it, but will He? And I feel like I have so much faith that He can, but I often doubt that He will. I think about having faith like a mustard seed to move mountains, and when I think about that verse, it really does make me think that maybe He doesn't do that kind of miracle still. Because I feel like I have at least that much faith, and here Jonah is... so sick. And if He does still do that kind of miracle, who gets healed and who doesn't? Why hasn't he healed Jill? Why is Stellan still sick? Why did Kayleigh die? I know that my human understanding just can't get it. I know I'll never understand all this pain.

I just want to scream at all those Bible people who, no matter how many miracles God did, they still doubted. I mean, he parted a sea for crying out loud. He healed the lepers and only one came back. I would do anything for God to heal Jonah. I would dip him in a river seven times, I would lower him through the roof, I would travel across the world, I would crawl to touch the hem of his robe. He could do it in person. He could do it from afar. I would believe. I do believe.

But I still don't get it. Is it selfish to pray for healing? For a miracle? How do I pray, "Your will be done"? That is so scary to me. I know that's what I should pray, but rarely ever do I have the guts to pray it.

So in the meantime, I pray that God takes Jonah's pain away, that his face will continue to have more good days than bad, that he'll eat, that he'll resist infection... that we'll be strong enough to persevere... that we'll be able to do enough to keep him safe.

And of Him who is able to do immeasurably more than I can even ask or imagine, I ask for a miracle... even if it is selfish or not in line with His plan for Jonah, one thing I know for sure is that He understands why I have to ask anyway.

new button

Make sure you pick up Jonah's new prayer button! My brother made it for me. Isn't it great?

more photos

Here are the last of the pictures I took on Sunday. I LOVED all of them so much. It's so great to catch Jonah in a bright-eyed, happy mood. Half the time I get out the camera, he stops whatever he's doing and starts fussing. Apparently he's sick of that thing being in his face all the time. But thankfully, this time, he was more than happy to cooperate.

Isn't this shirt the coolest?

These next two are my favorites. I think I'm going to blow one of them up to an 8x10 to frame in his room.

Tummy Time - he started crying about five seconds after I took this picture. He'll lift his head up good and strong, but he still won't push up on his hands.

My mom got him this exersaucer at a yard sale for three dollars. It's a little "retro" and not very manly, but we liked it, because it didn't have any toys attached that he could hurt himself on. That way, I can put soft toys in the tray for him to play with, and I feel much safer about it.

This was only his second time in it. He really seems to like it a lot. I'm not surprised... he really likes being upright where he can look around.

Hope you are all having a nice Wednesday!

jonah's new trick

Alternately titled:

The One Where Jonah Makes Raspberries and Also a Poop at the End

jonah faces

jonah laughs