Monday, August 31, 2009

i thought i was your fantasy

Ask me what my husband is doing right now... Go on, ask me.

He is doing an online Fantasy Football draft. (1 hour and 45 minutes and counting...)

Ask me how long he spent preparing for it... Go on, ask me.

I bet he put 12 hours into ranking pretty much every stinkin' player known to man (but not really known to anybody, because he ranked lots of players nobody has ever even heard of). He ranked so many players, he had to take some off the list, because Yahoo wouldn't even accept that long of a list.

What's the saying?
Those who can't go pro and don't have time to play sports anymore, because they have to work all day and then come home and help take care of a high maintenance baby play Fantasy.

Oh - I made that up? My bad.

So I've been thinking of ways to supplement our income now that we are one income down and the bills just keep a comin'. (Funny how that happens, huh?)...

So for this week only, for two easy installments of only $19.95, I will steal his rankings list and fax it or email it to your husband/boyfriend/fiance/brother/father/cousin once removed.

And I GUARANTEE Fantasy Football Season success. Because believe me, NO man has put as much time into ranking tons of meat-head players who may or may not rack up points in a fake game as MY man.

I'm so proud.

But Wait! There's MORE! Be one of the first ten customers, and I'll also have him shoot your husband an email on how to tweak and modify these rankings based on what number pick he draws (because, apparently, that matters... DUH!)

ACT NOW! DON'T DELAY! And the very real man in your life can have very fake success in a completely made up season of Fantasy Football, consisting of a not real team of players who go against each other in real life, but somehow manage to earn points on the same team in Fantasy World.

And if you're lucky like me, your husband will start saying things like, "I'm pulling for the Panthers, but if the other team has to score a touch down or our quarterback has to get sacked by someone or the opposing team has to make an interception, I hope it's ____________ (aka enemy player on the other team) who does it, because he's on my Fantasy team. Because after all folks, it's no longer about real games and true team allegiance.

It's all about the completely made up team of players that put points on HIS not exactly real scoreboard each week. It's all about showing all your friends who is best at picking who will be the best, but having absolutely no control over their performance whatsoever.

And on a completely different note, of course (oozing with sarcasm), I joined a new club today.

Click here to check it out. (No, seriously click here or this joke won't be funny.)

And as a member of this club, I may or may not buy the following two apparel items:

- a bright new shiny t-shirt with this statement:


- and/or a nice pair of boy-shorts underwear with the following:


Won't you join me, sisters?

WAFS united will never be defeated! WAFS united will never be defeated!

90 comments:

Laura A said...

Ok, am rolling on the floor laughing! I am SO there with you. I love football - but the real kind, not the fantasy kind. My hubby just joined a fantasy league for the first time - heaven help me!

Hang in there - and I may have to sign up for your fabulous offer!

Hope Jonah's doing well tonight and there weren't too many trips to Niagara Falls!

Love from TX!
Laura

Mary said...

You are hilarious - oh that was funny!
I too love my football, but will never understand/get into the fantasy football world.
Love the boy shorts idea!!!
Hope you are having a great day!
Mary in NE

Laurie said...

Oh my gosh - I am laughing SO hard right now...and I will definetly join the club.

I offered my husband a crack at your husband's list, but he said he's put the same 12 hours into making his list. But - thanks for the offer.

I hope things are going better for you today - you guys are always in my prayers :-)!!!

lifelaughsandlove said...

LOL...this is hilarious! I wish you would have put up your offer last week before my own husband had wasted all of his time prepping for his league. It's not even the waste of time that drives me nuts, it's also the amount of money he spends on it. At one point he was in 5 different fantasy football leagues. And you are so right about how it has completely changed the way he watches sports. No longer is there a single team allegiance, and I can't keep up with it! I especially loved the underwear :) Thanks for the laugh!

~Amy

Anonymous said...

Too funny!!

I think men like ANY sport where a bunch of sweaty guys run around with a ball.

Kristy said...

Dh is not a fantasy football fan, but thinking I might buy the shorts for the heck of it and in honor of all my friends fighting the battle.

Courtney said...

Patrice, you crack me up...

Ronda said...

Awesome post, you are so funny! My hubby is doing a fantasy league this year, but even if he wasn't, I still sort of lose him during the football season. In preparation for this, I make him do a ton of chores and various tasks around the house this month since once football starts I won't have any help.

Kelsey said...

I am dying, you are so funny, that is so true!

Katherine said...

I'd better get my Sarcasm Font ready so I can reply to all of his upcoming FB Status Updates. BRING IT, MATT.

Rebecca said...

I am seriously trying to stay in my chair while I laugh - oh my gosh - so so funny (and I feel your pain). We are Fantasy Football Widows...

René S said...

My FAVORITE fanatasy sport story: My son was 2, almost 3, and I was like 7 months pregnant. My husband's draft was scheduled for Labor Day weekend. He had to be at a computer, and we had SLOW dial up at the time. He had planned to go to his dad's to draft. The day comes, and he heads to the beach where his dad live - while a hurricane was heading our way! They were evacuating the island (voluntary), and he was heading on the island for a draft with a toddler and pregnant wife at home. I even managed to tie down our outside stuff. That draft took something like 5 or more hours because it was a group of guys all around the SE with computers that only partly worked. Anyway, it was not the highlight of our marriage! The really annoying thing is the then 2 year old is now 10, and he is totally into the fantasy football thing as well. I feel your pain! I just might have to buy one of those shirts. At least technology has improved and shortened the whole draft process! :)

Missy said...

"But WAIT there's MORE" - thank you Patrice for making my night!

In my fantasy world my husband asks me if I want to watch the entire series of Gilmore Girls with him and oh by the way he picked up a large Recees Peanut Butter Cup blizzard on the way home.

Shosh said...

hysterical! ill join your club!

chinamoon1420 said...

That was too funny! Isn't it amazing the things men get into?
My husband is into the real football. So it is about that time of year when I become a football widow.....not that there isn't a million things to be doing around here besides watching football!!!!

hugs....

Jolene said...

I hear ya sister.
My husband has been in a fantasy football league with his friends and cousins for 5 years now, and they even had a Draft BBQ last Saturday (no girls allowed!!)

Sabrina said...

Patrice that was Hilarious. I was wondering what your plans are on Wednesday or Thursday. I would like to come by and see you guys. Just let me know!

Sabrina

Drea said...

I feel your pain... definitly a club I need to join... I tell my husband if they had a Fantasy golf or tennis he would create a league! He and his pals rented a convention room at a local hotel tonight and split the bill so they could have a "live" draft!!!! And they think Pampered Chef parties are stupid!!!!! I felt alone in this until I read your post- it was like a complete description of my husband- I even had to leave my kids at his mother's house to meet him with the laptop so he wouldn't be late... CRAZY!!
Love and prayers for you and baby J!

Lisa said...

Amen Sista! It gets really bad when your husband lies about your 8-year-old son's age so that he can play too!

Jen in Florida said...

You'll probably think I'm crazy, but I actually enjoy playing fantasy football. I joined my husband's league 2 years ago and won the first year and got 2nd place last year. I've always been a football fan, but I had no idea how this fantasy stuff worked. We just had our draft last week and I didn't do any preparation besides buying a magazine that had a "cheat sheet" in it. So, maybe next year you could ask Matt if you can join his league, you might just find out it's a lot of fun!

Anonymous said...

Love it!

Sara said...

I too become a fantasy football widow. And he is in at least two leagues, so it is "imperative" that he watches parts of almost every game. He's doing his draft after work today...we do a family one as well, I didn't pay a lick of attention to it and I got Steve Smith and Tony Romo! Not bad for a girl who doesn't care!

Lauren said...

the boyshorts may or may not be in my online shopping cart right now...

i feel ya, girl. football season is a trying time for me. i love that our husbands are so committed, so passionate--but why does it have to be on sundays? and monday nights? and sometimes thursdays? and by the time playoffs come around, sheesh, it's every other night of the week. i've given up on trying to participate in the fantasy league, but i've gotten really good at asserting myself and saying, "yes, i understand this is a big match-up, but it's my grandma's birthday and we can't miss dinner. so suck it up and DVR it."

praying for you from jonah's request yesterday.

Kelli said...

You are so funny!!! I hate/love football season because hubby is so enthralled with all aspects!! Our lives begin to revolve around the team's schedule!

Staci said...

I have known Fantasy Football existed but have never heard so much about it or known so many guys who do it until this season. I asked my husband about it and he said it just takes up WAY too much time! YEAH!!! :) I enjoy watching the real games with him and I think he'd ruin it for me if he was doing the Fantasy thing. I LOVE the club you joined however...I may have to forward the link to some of my friends who are Fantasy Football widows :)

Heather said...

awesome.

Lari said...

Too funny! I'm there with you! My hubby has been playing for years...he's gotten a lot better about not letting it consume him tho. He's now indoctrinating our boys..they had their own "league" last yr.

Christina said...

Im right there with ya sista! My husband even had a "draft" party at Buffalo Wild Wings Sunday that lasted FOUR hours! He spent TWO hours just typing in names on the computer last night. Ugh! I think I need one of those shirts! lol

Nikki said...

Okay, I'm forwarding this to my hubby RIGHT NOW. Oh, and ordering a shirt. Too stinkin' funny. :)

the-mommy-person said...

ROFL!!!! You made my day! I was keeping relatively quiet about my distaste for the whole thing BUT NOW I'm just gonna have to get a Tshirt. Thanks!

Anonymous said...

OK, this is to funny!!!Fsntasy ? Men are so funny when it comes to sports!
Jonah , I just read the blog you posted Sunday nite (I had jury duty on Monday )and you should know by now you and your sweet mommy and daddy are at the top of my prayer list everyday!! I sure did enjoy hanging out with ya at the picnic, (sorry about my singing, I will have to leave that job to your mommy, I have a lot of gifts,BUT singing would not be one)you tell your mommy I think you are going to out grow the throwing up stage, and lots of babys your age probally do it even worse than you!I am hopeing we can encourage your mommy to take a nite out with the girls really soon, I know she has lots of freinds who are wonting her to get out for some girl time. so you make sure she knows that gee gee is ready and waiting to come over and hang out with you and daddy!! I love you little man baby, and I can not wait to get my hands on you again real soon!!
Praying for a healing
Love Gina ( GEE GEE )

Erin said...

i laughed out loud-that is hilarious! But MY sweet hubs is on TWO teams (last year he was on THREE!) and even tried to get me to be on one too. Are you kidding me? I am not joining this madness!!

Summer said...

That is too funny!

dg darling said...

You are so stinkin' hilarious!

pinksarahh said...

That is HILARIOUS! You are so funny and have such a way with words! I am loving the WAFS website too!

Anonymous said...

Girl,

I am right there with you! I'm experience the same thing at my house.

Love from Arkansas!

Shannon

Anonymous said...

AHHH I hear you sister!! My husband hosts a live draft every year at our house, which consists of HUGE draft board with "official picks" and everything. It lasts HOURS. I am totally on board with WAFS! Thanks for making me laugh this morning! Jenny

Meghan said...

Hilarious. Love the WAFS boyshorts. Michael does Fantasy Football too. I'm just grateful it's not Fantasy Baseball...they play like a million games a year. I'd much rather stick with 16 football games.

Kirsten said...

HAHAHAA oh Patrice, you are priceless. My husband and all his friends do this every year too. And they all do it exactly like Matt. Cracks me up.

Sharon and Michael said...

I'm SO with you! I have the same issue with dh this time of year. haha ... He's got his team now.

The Dolezal Family said...

I could of used that outfit about 8 years ago when my husband was deep in love with fantasy football. He walked away from fantasy football and all other fantasy sports for his pledge to the red sox to win the world series. Thank you 2004 Boston Red Sox for winning the world series, not to end the longest championship drought in sports history, so that i could have my husband back.

the Klimeks said...

That was the funniest post! My husband "plays" Fantasy Football every year. He takes it SO seriously! For weeks before the draft, he walks around with computer print-outs and a highlighter, studying and making notes. He spends hours surfing the net and watching ESPN to prepare for the draft. He does phone consultations for his friends (that are not in his league) to help them with THEIR drafts. And now he has my 16 and 14 year old sons hooked, too! It is a sickness. I wonder if I can get him into counseling??? At least you found a club I can join to lessen MY pain! :-)

Prayers and hugs for your beautiful baby Jonut...

Anonymous said...

I was just wondering if you were not able to burp jonah because of the EB? When mine were little, they would spit up terrible if not they didnt get burped. And they will eat better if their tummies dont hurt so bad from the gas. The milicon drops cant do it all, babies swallow air all the time, and need to burp more than just at feeding time. Also, I noticed in your video he seems to gulp a lot of air, and have a lot of gas. He needs to sit up more and burp himself to get rid of the gas after laying back swallowing the air while playing..

Ashley said...

This was hilarious! I thought hunting season was bad! So glad my husband doesn't like football.

Jenn said...

Patrice, I can't thank you enough for this post!!! It was so perfect that I just had to post it on my blog (with credits going to you of course)!

Thank you for the laugh!!!

Baby Bird said...

YOU ARE TOO FUNNY Sweet Patrice!
Love you...hope you are having a great day and are able to enjoy the gentle breeze and coolness also!
Praying for a peaceful, less sleep-deprived and "conquering the vomiting" rest of the week!
Aimee

Janel Waters said...

I seriously just laughed so hard and so loud that my soon to be 3 year old daughter said "whats wrong mommy?" - she was seriously concerned!

thank you so much for the laugh and all I can say is - I am SO glad that my husband doesn't care about sports! real or fake!

Jennifer A said...

I am apparently among the minority-I'm with Matt on this one but your description of what this phemominon is about was spot on and had me laughing (at myself) -I am a woman and I love fantasy football. I never was much into the one team allegiance thing and I love to look for patterns in data and I can be very competitive - this makes FFB a totally fun distraction from the 'real world' for me. I do hope any FFB'er (male or female) remembers that it's a game and should never take the place of quality face to face (not screen to screen) time.

Lisa said...

As I sat on the couch last night watching preseason football with my best guy friend (who use to play college football and is approaching 30) I made the mistake of saying "Aren't you glad you don't hurt yourself like that everyday anymore?" Oh what a can of worms I opened. No. No man is ever happy that he doesn't play football anymore. Thank you for a VERY funny post that I totally agree with.

Sandy said...

Well, I found this post hilarious! I was never a fantasy football widow, baseball however was a different story because there are SO MANY BASEBALL GAMES A WEEK! He eventually gave that up. I actually joined my husbands fantasy football league last year and had a blast. I buy one of those magazines with the rankings in it, never spend too much time preparing. Last year I made it to the playoffs in our league while my husband did not...HAHAHA! We shall see how this season goes :). It's something that he enjoys, and I have enjoyed getting in to it with him. It brings out a little more competition in the house during football season...not that there isn't already enough :-)

Lindsay said...

I feel ya, sister! My husband is the "commissioner" (doesn't that sound so official) of his fake league, so that takes up even more of his time! Wish I would have seen your offer last week so I could have enjoyed a few more hours with my husband instead of him wasting his life away making his "list." Ha! I hope things with Jonah get easier than they have been lately & the projectile vomit stops. I love reading your blog & I love your sense of humor. I just know we'd be real life friends! :)

Alisha said...

LMAO! I love the underwear! Not that my fiance plays fantasy sport, so I don't feel your pain, but he does like video games ... that is just as bad. HAHA.

Sommer said...

so nice to know we are not alone out there...

purejoy said...

if you can't beat em, join em. i got an invitation to be my husband's team manager.
how could i refuse?

Nathan, Laurie, Elizabeth & Emily said...

That was great and I had to share with my friends. Our husbands were supposed to have their draft last night but one member's wife was having a baby. There was all sorts of drama involved in the rescheduling process!

Marisa said...

Oh, man--you are cracking me up!! Lovely little bright spot in my day, thankyouverymuch. I have a feeling that I would greatly enjoy just sitting next to you and listening to you talk. Love it.

Anonymous said...

Patrice, I feel your pain! My husband has also ranked players. He even did mock drafts to prepare himself for the real drafts. My husband however doesn't only do one fantasy team, he does multiple teams. Football season is REALLY long!

Lorraine-bo said...

too funny!

Saundra said...

Okay, Patrice....I have an idea to help you supplement your income! I think you should write a book or be a stand up comedian because you are soooo funny! Thanks for the laugh and know that I am praying for you, Matt and sweet Jonah.
Hugs, Saundra

Anonymous said...

Love this!!! My husband last night? Same thing:) I am going to link you on my FB to how I am feeling right now:)

ashpuck said...

My husband isn't into sports but I think this post is hilarious! Thanks for the laughs.

Erin said...

Hilarious! Love it :)

Anonymous said...

Oh my, was that funny. I can so relate! Except we just don't do Fantasy Football 'round here, we also do Fantasy Baseball and Fantasy Hockey, and sometimes for good measure throw in some Fantasy Nascar. All of which require weekly time to "set my team" and days of watching games he once cared nothing about. I personally long for that moment in the year where there is baseball, football and hockey all going on. That's when it gets really fun. I think I'll order the boy shorts now in anticipation of that weeked.
Thanks for making me laugh. I hope today has been a good day with your Jonut.
~Heather in Pittsburgh

Shana said...

Oh boy! You are too funny! I'm waving my white flag though, because I **gasp** joined the enemy in their fantasy playin' ways! I decided if you can't beat em', join em'. I have been playing for 4 years now & just can't wait for football season to start every year. It ended a lot of lonely weekends & arguments. That is of course until I started winning! Oh yeah, I am reining champ, woot woot!! (My check is in the mail, by the way, lol!!

Anonymous said...

I feel so much better now that I know my husband hasn't lost his mind. He actually creates algorithms (NERD!!!!) to sort the stats of the players. Oh. My. Gosh. What a waste of precious time.

Garrett and Carrie Kell said...

Ok, this is too much. Laughing and understanding all too well.- My sweet husband actually wrote an article about "Fantasy Football and the Glory of God," because of his convictions of how much time he invested in such fantasy. I will post....hope you enjoy. Please feel free to pass it on. (let me know if you get this)

Garrett and Carrie Kell said...

Fantasy Football to the Glory of God

It was draft night, and I was on vacation in the middle of the wilderness in Maine. No internet service where I was staying. No coffee shops open past sundown. No bed-and-breakfasts willing to have a stranger sit in their lobby for three hours until midnight for "an important internet meeting". No way to do my on-line draft. So, as any fantasy football faithful would do, I got into the car with my wife and we drove slowly through neighborhoods - with a laptop computer trying to tap into someone's Wi-Fi. "No, officer, we're not from around here...um I'm sitting in front of this person's house with my car lights turned off because...." Ok, that last part didn't happen, but I was ready for it.

Eventually, I did my draft over the phone with a gracious friend (thank you, Seville), and all was well, except my soul. As I went to bed that night, our Lord convicted me about the lengths I would go to fulfill this silly love affair of mine. My faith felt shallow at that moment as He convicted me that, if my drive to seek Him was characterized with the same passion I had just displayed for the imaginary pigskin, it would be recorded in the annals of church history.

(to be continued...)

Garrett and Carrie Kell said...

So I began to think...how can someone who loves Christ and wants to live for His glory take part in this imaginary quest for Fantasy glory? The following are some of the questions I processed, my conclusions, and some encouragements for anyone who takes the time to read this.

First, we need to ask the question, "Can playing Fantasy Football be a sin?". I certainly think so. The consuming competition, the accumulation of useless knowledge, and the wasting away hours of our Lord's time in trade attempts, waiver-wire research, and game-day worship most certainly can become idolatrous and sinful.

We must ask then, "Can a follower of Christ still play fantasy football?". I must confess that at times I wrestle with joining the Amish and forsaking all that is mutually enjoyed by our culture. I am not yet convinced, however, that this is the answer that most glorifies Jesus. I believe the Scriptures clearly teach it is possible to participate in leisure activities in a Christ-exalting manner (1 Cor. 10:31). We have great freedom in Christ, and this includes enjoying the good gifts of God in times of labor and times of leisure.

(to be continued)

Garrett and Carrie Kell said...

A better question might be, "Should a disciple of Jesus play Fantasy Football?". Regarding areas of freedom, we are reminded that "all things are lawful, but all things are not profitable..." (1 Cor. 6:12). The answer must then be "maybe", if it is profitable to Christ, His kingdom, and you.

How then can we glorify Christ and still enjoy this opportunity to play imaginary General Manager and assemble imaginary teams to defeat our very real friends upon the imaginary gridiron? In the following lines, I present some exhortations in a spirit of grace. I do not intend these to become legalistic rules to bind the heart, but rather grace-filled guidelines to free the soul and honor our Lord. Prayerfully consider these suggestions and allow the Spirit to lead you in the way He desires you to go.

Garrett and Carrie Kell said...

1. Be aware that any good gift from God can quickly become perverted into an idol. Satan tempted our parents in the Garden of Eden and our Lord in the wilderness with good things from the Father in an attempt to turn blessings from above into idolatry from below. In light of this, in your leisure, Fantasy Football or not, remember the warnings of scripture to "...keep yourselves from idols" (1 Jn. 5:21) and "my beloved, flee from idolatry" (1 Cor. 10:14). Our tendency is to be drawn toward this mundane, flesh-fulfilling world. So, in whatever form the temptation comes, be watchful to defend your heart (Prov. 4:23). If our Lord ever convicts you that you should refrain from this blessing because it has become an idol, "do not quench the Spirit" (1 Thess. 5:19) and be willing to surrender your team as a burnt offering to the Lord.

2. Remember that we are called by our Lord to "seek first His kingdom and His righteousness" (Mt. 6:33). This means that in everything we do, we ought to be kingdom-minded. Be intentional to use draft parties, game watching, and any winnings you may receive to cultivate fellowship and further the Gospel. If you have people in your league who are not near our Lord, use this as an opportunity for them to see the Gospel at work in your life (Mt. 5:16). I'm not necessarily suggesting you wear your Jesus jersey to the bar on game day to do evangelism, but I encourage you to pray for wisdom, creativity, and courage to use this season for the furthering of God's kingdom.

(to be continued...)

Garrett and Carrie Kell said...

3. Remember that the players we enlist to score imaginary touchdowns each week are real people created in the image of God who desperately need us to intercede on their behalf. Some of the most heartbreaking interviews I have ever seen came from the players who have blessed my team with Fantasy titles. Several years ago, I witnessed an interview of Tom Brady following one of his Super Bowl victories. During that interview, he explained that he was thankful for winning, but that it just wasn't enough. When asked what he thought he was looking for that would satisfy him, he replied "I wish I knew. I wish I knew." We know the One his soul searches for is Jesus. Let us pray for the people we enlist on our teams. As Paul said, "pray without ceasing" (1 Thess. 5:17) and "make supplication for all men" (1 Tim. 2:1). Pray for the believers on their teams who proclaim Christ to them, pray for the chaplains of those teams to have favor with the players for Christ's sake, and pray for God to bring the Gospel to them.

4. If you are playing for money, be careful because "the love of money is the root of all sorts of evil" (1 Tim. 6:10). Winning money can do weird things to people. It can tempt them to lie, cheat, steal, and make lop-sided trades against feeble-minded opponents. All money we have is the Lord's and, because of that, we will give an account for how we use it. If you are going to pay an entry fee, pay for trades, or whatever else your league requires financially, be careful to remember that it is the Lord's money you are using. Can you use some of His resources for your enjoyment? I believe there is a small, God-glorifying place in our budgets that can be dedicated to personal enjoyment. Do not let this become a place of stumbling however. Prayerfully set a budget for this area of entertainment, sacrifice something else to make room for it, and use most of your resources to fulfill the Great Commission.

5. Guard the time God has given you. When I awake in the morning, it is much easier to use the time before work to look at Fantasy articles or watch ESPN's Sports Center (for the fourth time) than to step away and draw near to my Maker. We are free in Christ to take time for retreat from the daily battles of life, but be ever-mindful of the flesh's desire to claim its rights and to turn times of rest into times of self-serving rebellion (Haggai 1:3-4). We have few moments upon this earth; let your rests be intentional. One way I am trying to use my desire for Fantasy football to increase my desire for Jesus is committing before the Lord and my co-manager (my wife) that I will not look at my roster, their stats, scores, or Sports Center until I have spent at least 30 minutes with my Lord. This may mean my lunch hour is invested in Bible study rather than eating... some things are just that important (John 4:34). I encourage you to pray for God to help you produce the self-control and passion for Him that only the Spirit can give.

So fellow Fantasy ballas, draft well, trade well, win much, but "whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God."

Garrett and Carrie Kell said...

Sorry that was soooooo long! :)

Tara said...

LOVE IT!!

That is a great post and so many of us can relate. I am just thankful (or maybe I am not) that my husband works a lot so he doesnt have the time right now to get into the fantasy sports. But I have had to deal with it in the past and they are so OVER THE TOP about it!!

lesliemarie said...

I'm totally buying one of those "I thought I was your fantasy" shirts. this post made me LOL! :)

Anonymous said...

Just so you know, you are NOT alone. Seems as though my husband has a twin and it may be your husband... I like (or maybe not) to call my self at this time of the year "A Fantasy Football Widow." On Sundays I rarely see my husband without his nose in the freggin' computer or glued to the 2 TVs so he can watch 2 games at once so that someones dad/brothers/uncles/cousins/friendsteams player he's rooting for wins or loses...
yeah I mean every word of it !!!! AND TO THINK THERE ARE WOMEN OUT THERE WHO DO THIS FANTASY FOOTBALL STUFF-BOOOOOOO !!!!

Anonymous said...

Hey Patrice, it's Bryan Bradshaw. Just wanted you to know my wife just made me read your column to show me that she's not the only one thinks I am crazy for spending so much time on fantasy football. I think she is ready to join your WAFS team. You girls just don't get it, but that's ok. We have accepted your obsessions with purses and shoes and how you have a closet full of clothes but can never find anything to wear. It's time you accept that we like our sports, real or fake, it doesn't matter. Stay strong Matt, just know that the MFFS (Men For Fantasy Sports) league will always win out over the WAFS. All of us guys have your back!

Candace and I keep up with Jonah everyday and are so glad he is doing so well. You guys are always in our thoughts and prayers!

Love,
Bryan and Candace Bradshaw

katrynka said...

My husband would SO be on the bandwagon of WAFS, cause he does not see the point of sports at all!! So Fantasy sports makes even less sense to him!. He is an engineer, woodworker, guitar and banjo builder and player etc. You get the picture... he is always using his mind and hands to create something, so has never had an interest in any sports. So I am never a football widow etc!

Jenny said...

Oh girl I feel your pain. Just count your lucky stars b/c my husband is on 2 count them 2 different fantasy leagues. How can the same man that forgets to pick up milk at the store keep track of 2 completely separate rosters and which players are playing. One of his teams does the on-line draft but the other spends the entire day at Mazzios eating pizza and picking players. Takes all flipping day!
I love football but fantasy is about to ruin it for me. I don't know which I miss more, my husband, my internet or my phone...I won't have any until February. LOL

Dish it Up said...

I've been reading your blog for awhile and never have commented. I also lose my husband to fantasy football. What am I talking about I lose him from about September to February!!! I will say though he won his fantasy football league or whatever last year which resulted in $800 so maybe it will pay off for you this year!

Anonymous said...

You are hilarious! I must say..your witty sarcasm would be put to such great use if you would PLAY fantasy football!! There are smak talking boards for each league just for the purpose of making fun of other players! I, too, made fun of my husband, but now I play too and it's HILARIOUS and lots of fun to exchange witty insults with friends (not to mention a great, free way to bond with the hubby ;-))

Anonymous said...

this is probably the funniest blog post i've EVER read!!!!!!! HYSTERICAL!!!!! I love it, and especially the shirt and panties idea--TOTALLY get them! Lol *megan*

Penny said...

You are tripping, girlfriend!!! I am SO glad (read blessed) that my husband is a car guy (but with no money). He has very little interest in sports, even less in fantasy sports. ;)

Jenny Hintze said...

I wrote this blog post a few years ago about the whole silly fantasy football thing. It's pretty random.

http://jhintze.blogspot.com/2005/08/fantasy-shopping-spree.html

Logan and Jack's Mommy said...

Okay, you are HILARIOUS!

Melissa said...

Oh, that is too, too, too funny! My hubby is playing FF for the first time ever. I can't believe how into it he is. Things were just *terrible* for him on Sunday when he realized, when we were halfway across town between church and our lunch destination, that his FF draft was in 30 minutes. He was miserable until his dutiful wife (this chickie) stepped in with the cell phone call that saved the day, to retrieve the cell number of the "commissioner" of his league who let him know that the computer would pick his drafts for him if he was unable to log on at precisely 2:00 p.m. to do it himself. He got some sweet players.

I have a feeling I'm going to be ready to join the "women against" crowd in a few weeks, but I can honestly say that right now I'm so happy for him that he has something fun in his life for this very difficult season we're in of all work, no play.

Have a nice FF season, Patrice. (And I have a feeling Jonah will be a fabulous swimmer and/or diver. Maybe, maybe not ...)

Harman said...

This is hilarious! My husband spends a lot of time on it too but I decided to join him this year. Yes ladies, I am part of a Fantasy team. I am the only women AND I got the #1 pick. My team is awesome and I think I might win the whole thing. I grew up with football so I like to watch it but more than that it has been fun to have him be so excited that I am doing it. I'll let you know how it goes.

Rachel said...

HYSTERICAL! I, too, am a fantasy football widow. My hubby went to Hooters (he claims just for "free wings" RIGHT!!) with his guy pals to do a full-out draft a few weeks ago. WEIRDOS!

Nancy said...

You are hilarious! Just through in a bump-it and a snuggie for that $19.95 and you're sure to get alot of buyers!

DramaCity said...

OMG!! This post is hysterical!!! I feel your pain, but it's not fantasy football...it's any sport whenever it's on the tube!!
Jonah is looking so good!! Have a great Labor day!

Dina said...

OMG! I am right there with ya! I HATE football season! This entire weekend is just out the door because of football season! Grrrr!