So no church again for me today. Jonah threw up all over himself last night, his hand bandages are disgusting, and he looks like a grease monkey. Matt did go to church. Jonah was up a lot last night, so instead of him waking up at 7:15, I got him back to sleep until around 9:15. And then he woke up.
And then it happened... the 15 minutes from you know where.
I go up to get him and he is in a puddle of pee. (NOT a problem.) He also has a poopy diaper. (Still NOT a problem.) So I bring him downstairs, take off his shirt (which is soaked), and start changing his diaper. He then begins puking up mucus and choking. (PROBLEM.) So I just let his poopy legs go and suction his nose and mouth. I then go back to cleaning up the poopy. It doesn't look so bad... It looks as if I am going to only have to change the top layer of bandaging on only one leg. That's easy. But then, while I am working on the top part of the leg, he proceeds to pee all over the bottom part... through two of the three layers. And as I try to finish up wrapping the top, he kicks his leg, and the roll of gauze unwraps and lands right in the pee puddle (where else?). So I unwrap his whole leg and open a new roll of gauze (with my teeth, of course) and begin working on the bottom part of the leg. As I'm doing this, Jonah starts choking on mucus again, and this time it comes out of his mouth and nose. So I have to drop everything, pick him up, and attempt to turn him over (I say attempt because he's doing that completely rigid, standing up in the air thing that scared babies do... and did I mention he has a fragile, unbandaged leg exposed?). I suction him out again, finish wrapping the unwrapped leg, and finally finish changing his diaper.
It's been a long day... and we've only been up for an hour.
(This was not at all funny when it was happening, but I'm hoping to be able to find some humor in it later, thus the "funny stories" label. Surely it will be funny, right? Someday. Maybe?)