adoption update

Our social worker came for a visit on Tuesday. We have finished our MAPP training and are scheduled to take our Medication Administration class on September 13th. If all goes well, we'll be licensed by the end of the year.

Yet to go:
- Med Admin class
- Fire inspection
- Physicals
- Finger Printing (6-12 weeks)
- Filling out forms (medical history, discipline, background check permission etc and so on)
- Home study interviews
- Environmental inspection check list
- Home study document
- Family profile (a photo and word description of our family written to our future kids)

Anyway, hopefully we'll be licensed by the end of the year. HOWEVER, in talking to our social worker, we found out that, given Jonah's age and how selective we (and they) will have to be in finding a referral for us, we could wait a year or more (an indefinite amount of time, really) for our kids. There are families like ours, with small children and open to legal risk (like we most likely will be), who have been waiting well over a year. It's disheartening, to say the least. BUT, we're trying to keep the perspective that any time we have to wait is just time God is giving us to prepare. To prepare our marriage, our family, our home, our finances, our hearts, our minds, our everything to successfully give this kid (or these kids) the life and home they deserve. We know it will not be easy, and we know that we can't fully prepare ourselves for it, but we can read books, pray, hope, trust, budget, spend time in the Word, rely on God, and do as much as we can to ready ourselves.

I'm excited, apprehensive, anxious, hopeful, but surprisingly at peace and fully trusting. God led use here, and as we continue on this road, I know more and more that this is where we're supposed to be. And I haven't said this in a while, so I'll say it again. God is not in the business of bailing.

We just trust and take it one day at a time. I found this Martin Luther King Jr. quote today: "Faith is taking the first step, even when you don't see the whole staircase." This is going to be a long staircase. But it's worth it. We just keep on climbing.

MAPP, week 3

We just got home from our third MAPP class today. It consists of four Saturdays from 9-4, and we have one final one next week. We are getting up at 5:45 to take our showers and get completely ready except for putting on our nice clothes, wake Jonah up at 6:45 for bath and bandage changes, and then Matt and I hit the road for Greensboro by 8:20. We're pretty worn out by the time we get home, but Jonah has been awesome for my mom and Kathryn for three Saturdays in a row now, and has taken long naps each day. We are so thankful he isn't holding it against us. :) He did have a rough time for bandage change last week since we had to drag him out of bed, but I prayed and prayed and this week went much better. He was peaceful and playful and only whimpered a tiny bit when we left. When we came in this afternoon, he chased us with his pet dinosaur and growled at us. I take that as a sign of forgiveness.


I really got a lot from our class again today. We talked during the morning part about the 15 behavior management strategies, and did "case studies" to say what strategies would apply to different children. I really like stuff like this because I don't do well with vague generalizations and do well to really practice... or at least as much as you can practice something like this. We also talked about children who had been sexually abused and they said they estimate that up to 90% of the children they place have been sexually abused at some point, although most cases go unreported and the resulting sexual behaviors are displayed once they get in foster families. It's such a sad statistic and heart wrenching to hear of real cases where these kids have just been forced to do such horrible things - to get fed, to get to go out with their friends, to not be abused.


We watched this video that I thought was especially powerful. (It's pretty straight forward and in-your-face, so you may not want your kids to watch it.)

The head coordinator for adoptions (I don't know her real title) was there today and was actually the one doing the sexual abuse portion. I got a chance to talk with her after lunch about the fact that Jonah is so young and how likely a placement of school age children is for us. I explained our reasons for desiring older children and Jonah's special needs but also expressed my concerns about protecting Jonah. (I want to make it clear here that I'm not trying to judge any child for those kinds of actions or say that all abused children exhibit certain behaviors, but am recognizing that there is always a possibility.) She said that when the approval board met about us, that she had brought up concern about Jonah's age and that she and our social worker had already discussed how selective they would have to be for our family, but that she wouldn't have let us take MAPP and get to this point if she wasn't going to place kids with us. I told her how much I appreciated their being so selective for our family and that that is what we want as well and told her that we know God will show us who our kids are. She said that we would just have to understand and be patient if it takes longer for them to find a child or children that would be a good placement for us, and I said that we totally understood that and were content to wait, pray, and educate ourselves as much as possible in the meantime. 


I will tell you that these classes are not easy. Sometimes I feel like they're just trying to scare the living you-know-what out of you to test you to see if you really know what you're getting into. And maybe that is part of it, but at the same time I'm so thankful for the knowledge and training and how well they try to equip you for your journey. So far I have been very impressed with our agency, our MAPP training, our social worker, and the whole process. I'll be happy to have this step over though and will be ready to move on to the licensure process (which is long and grueling). But I am super thankful for this step and it just makes me eager to educate myself and prepare even more.


I have never been a very compassionate person in many ways (just ask my former high school students) but between this training, discovering where our sweet boys (read: baby girl and a goat) come from, the death of Gabe, and seeing what Jonah lives with every day, I will tell you - God is doing a work on my heart. It's important to remember: "Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle."


It's been a good day. I'm tired and thinking a lot. But God is providing every step of the way, and Matt and I have had a couple of really great conversations the last couple of days too. If one of the byproducts of all of this is a more intimate relationship with my husband and a greater dependence on and intimacy with my Abba, I'll take it. 


Apprehensive but excited about what God is going to do through the journey. 

mapp class today

Our second MAPP class was today, and I have to say, I really enjoyed it. I don't know if "enjoy" is the right word, just because you're dealing with really hard stuff, but I learned a lot and had no temptation to fall asleep, even on only five hours from last night (and believe me when I say, I'm an eight hour girl). We did a really powerful "close your eyes imagine" activity where the instructor told us to imagine someone came and took us away from our family to go live with a new family. And the new family was so excited that we were coming and had waited so long for us. But we had to leave our old family. Then after 12 months, we were taken back to our old family. A year having passed. 12 months of memories without them and their memories without me. Anyway, I'm doing it no justice, but it was really powerful in conveying the array of emotions a foster child could possibly feel coming into your home. Today's class was about losses and attachments, and it just really made me think. The second half of class was about ways to help children manage their behaviors. I know I'm up to the challenge, but this is going to be a hard one for me, and I was really thankful for all the practical, good stuff they gave us today. All of that to say that I'm really thankful, even though it means hours away from Jonah and having to pull him out of bed at 6:45 to do bandage changes, that we have to do this. I'm glad to get some training but even more than that, I so desperately want to have compassion for our children and try to figure out where they're coming from. I know these classes will help me so much in having a better grasp on that.


And in unrelated news, I present to you Jonah. Our little stockbroker. 

(Sorry for the blur. When I'm trying to catch a quick shot, I don't have time to get my settings right, and HE WILL NOT HOLD STILL for anything. But he is a stockbroker, after all. He doesn't have time for my shenanigans.)

classes start tomorrow

I apologize for the lame-o posts as of late. Between the yard sale prep, working on the boys room, trying to run at least three times a week, unpacking bandages etc, I just haven't had much time at night which is mostly when I blog. I do have a couple of good posts in my head, but not sure when they'll make it to screen.


We begin our adoption MAPP classes tomorrow and will be doing them for the next four Saturdays from 9:00 am to 4:00 pm in Greensboro. We will have to get Jonah up at 6:45 to do bandage changes before we go. My mom is staying with him tomorrow, and although I am completely confident both of them will be fine, I think I will be the sad one. It's hard to be away from him when it's all I really know. 


He's been saying "uh-oh" or "Oh no" for a long time when something goes wrong, but yesterday he started saying, "Uh oh. Oh no. Oh dear." No idea where he got it, but it cracks me up every time.


Will y'all keep Tripp in your prayers? He's battling infections, running high fevers, and things are just really not looking great for him right now. He could really use a miracle. And if you haven't read Courtney's poem she wrote for him today, please click HERE and read it. You will need tissues. I love that little boy more than words can say and we've never even met. I think his mom is pretty swell too. Thank you all for all your prayers and love. Courtney and I both appreciate them so very much.

a couple of great finds!

Jonah is on about day three of being sick. I kept hoping it was a fluke but he has had diarrhea for the last three or four days, and he has puked one meal today, two meals yesterday, two the day before, and one or two the day before that. And not to be too graphic, but I know it's different from his normal throwing up because of when it happens, how often it's happening, and how violent it is. Poor buddy. He doesn't act like he feels bad in between but he's definitely not getting much nourishment. I think he only had two, maybe three, wet diapers today. We're running Pedialyte over his night pump instead of water in an attempt to keep him hydrated. So no church for us tomorrow. I love church. I hate that we can't be more consistent. It seems like it's always something.


It was way too hot to take Jonah out today, but I did get to get out a couple different times, and I've felt like a new person. It's amazing how much getting out of the house makes a difference in my mood. Mom and I went yard-saleing this morning, and it was so much fun. We didn't find a lot of great ones, but I loved spending the time with her and just getting out. I told her it was probably the second time I can remember since Jonah has come home from the NICU that I've gotten up, showered, and put on real clothes first thing. Typically I shower but have to put on crappy clothes for bandage changes and don't make it into real clothes until after lunch time, if at all. It felt good to get up and to get to go out and do something before bandages. We left the house at 7:30 and I was home by 10:30 to do "new wraps." Matt is so great and understanding about my need to get out and have some "me time". He did all the morning stuff himself, and did not complain a bit. He loves spending time with Jonah. Imagine that. :) I am so blessed.


I did get one GREAT yard sale find.

(Just ignore the pasty legs. I don't get much Vitamin D.) YEP, I'm realizing my dream. I'm currently trying to learn from youtube, but it's not going so well. Thankfully I have a friend from church who's offered to sit down with me and teach me a couple of things so I can understand the internet stuff better. They're not starting basic enough for me, apparently. :) I'm so excited. I've wanted to learn to play guitar for so long. It only cost me $25 but then I had to spend another $37 to get it tuned, the neck adjusted, for a tuner, picks, and my Mommy bought me a strap. She just got me an "ugly brown one" and says I can graduate to a better strap as I get better... like in karate, she says. 


This afternoon, Matt's mom came and watched Jonah for a couple hours so we could go furniture shopping. We found the PERFECT table at the Colfax Clearance store. 

It was a $1,100 table and we got it for half of that. It's got scratches, but with some furniture polish and those furniture markers, I don't think anyone will be able to tell. Compared to some stuff we had seen, we felt like it was a really good deal. We needed a table with a bench because the space we have for a table is super narrow, so we needed to be able to push the bench all the way under the table when not in use. It's perfect! (And was already assembled.) We also got some bunkie boards for our bunk beds and a full mattress for the bottom one. We already have a twin mattress, so once we get everything assembled, we should be all set house wise.


Besides Jonah being sicky, it's been a good day. Praying he feels much better tomorrow. Hope you're having a great weekend!