Tuesday, January 3, 2012

resolved, maybe?

Did you guys make any resolutions?

Although I would claim not to believe in them, I do have a lot of things I want to accomplish this year. I've been wanting to accomplish them for a long time, but I'm feeling a revitalized need to force myself to be motivated. Is that ambiguous enough for you?

So here are the things I would like to get done soon(ish):
spend 30 min to an hour a day studying the Word deeply (not counting my 15-20 minutes of daily reading I do before bed); be in communion with God; learn more and more who He really is, therefore discerning his will and lining up my heart with His (just bought a study bible and concordance with gift cards from Christmas. Super excited!)
- finish reading the "bible in a year" (I'm in November... almost done! Have loved it - I'm just slow. :) )
- get up every morning (except Sundays) to do a workout video or go for a run 
- get a healthy amount of sleep (at least 7 hours a night, for me)
- organize my photos (there are thousands) and put them into iphoto; delete ones I don't need (hard for me)
- send in our wedding photo negatives to get digitized (if that's the right word)
- order, frame, and hang photos up our stairwell 
- figure out what I want to do for the walls in our bedroom, Jonah's bedroom and living room (we've rearranged furniture and there are lots of bare spots); need cheap solutions
- get myself on more of a schedule, plan times for rest and naps (so I don't feel guilty when I need them)
- simplify, avoid over extending, slow down and enjoy the life God's given us
- finish our licensing stuff for adoption through foster care (almost there... dragging my feet)
- learn to play the guitar (I started last summer but have let it slip)
- make relationships a priority
- potty train Jonah (really really really dreading it)

So anyway, that's a lot of stuff. I actually made a daily schedule for myself to help me feel more motivated and to help with my depression. I've been on an antidepressant since November a year ago (not an easy decision but a prayerful one and one of the best I've ever made), and it has definitely helped me, but I feel like it's kind of wearing off. I figure a lot of that has to do with the fact that the days are getting colder, it's darker so soon, I'm not making time with God a priority (not feeding my soul), have horrible eating/health habits, and I've stopped running. Anyway, I work hard in the mornings feeding Jonah, mixing his meals, doing bath, and changing his bandages, but then I just feel like I crash and don't do much of real substance for the rest of the day. Some days I feel like that's okay, but my personality requires that I be somewhat productive to feel content. Right or wrong, that's just what I know about myself.

So the schedule I'm trying (not that you care, but I need to record it) is:
6:30-7:30 Workout
7:30-8:15 shower, get dressed/make-up, prep Jonah's breakfast
8:30-9:00 sit down and eat with Jonah (Jonah finishes at 9:30)
9:00-10:00 unload/reload dishwasher, fix meals thru next day breakfast, draw up meds for the day
10:00-11:30 bathe Jonah, do bandage changes
11:30-1:00 let Jonah play, actively play with him, chores, phone calls etc.
1:00-1:20 sit down and eat with Jonah (Jonah finishes at 2:00)
2:30-3:30 get in the word, study, pray (Jonah napping)
3:30-4:30 chores, projects, answer emails, nap if needed (Jonah napping)
4:30 get Jonah up, go for a walk if not too cold
5:00 start dinner; fold dressing change laundry load
6:30 eat dinner

So anyway, that may be a little insane, but it's what I need right now, and today it worked really well. Except that I DID take a nap and I slept longer than I meant to so I'll probably be up till 2 am... which is totally going to mess up my 6:30 am workout (which I (un)affectionately refer to as "Death by Jillian").

I'd be interested to hear what y'alls goals are and your plan to not punk out. I'm a major punker outer.

I read Ann Voskamp's blog every day, and her post yesterday was amazing. I hope you can go read it if you have the time. 

But as I thought about my "New Year's non-resolutions," I really appreciated this part:
"Contentment isn’t a state of organization, a weight on the scale, a state of better:better kids, better marriage, better health, better house. Contentment is never a matter of circumstances; contentment is always a state of communion — a daily embracing of God. A thankfulness for all the gifts – and moments and life, just as He gives itTrying harder may only bring harder trials and contentment, it won’t be be found in the resolutions, but in the revolutions – in the turning round to God."

No matter what goals I have and what does and does not get accomplished, God is number one. And it's the continuing to turn back to him that is MOST important. Praying that I keep that in mind when the freshness of the New Year and renewed aspirations wears off and I'm left with the same old same old reality. God lives there too. And my contentment can be found right there, with Him.

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