Wednesday, August 5, 2009

new mercies

So... what do you say after a day like today?

I guess I say I'm sorry. Not so sorry for standing up for our decisions, but sorry if in some way I acted like I think anyone is overreacting or being dramatic by choosing NOT to have bumpers. I totally understand why you don't, and I probably wouldn't have them either if not for the EB risk. Anyway, I just wanted those of you who have lost children or loved ones to SIDS know that I am so, so sorry. And I hope you know that me asking people NOT to comment about the bumper thing was not me trying to be insensitive to that. It was more just because I didn't want that can of worms to be opened. (And we all see how well that worked out.) Anyway, I'm just so sorry you know that kind of pain. Because I know it too. And I hope you know I wasn't trying to be insensitive to that. I have a very good friend who lost her baby boy to SIDS a long time ago, and I ache for her every day. (I love you, M).

Why does God always seem to choose to teach us humility the hard way? Is there any easy way to learn that lesson?

It's been so crazy today. I was so up this morning after a good night's sleep (not going so great tonight... Matt's still fighting that battle as we speak), dressing change went excellent, and his face just looked so good today. I was so on top of the world... literally, a bounce in my step. And then... all the negative commenting on the blog, a horrible email I received on Jonah's gmail account about something totally unrelated yet even more hurtful, and then, lo and behold if Jonah didn't develop yet another tongue blister and could not eat. Crazy how it all just flips upside down like that.

And in those moments, you have to think, "Is somebody trying to tell me something here?" Either God's trying to move me here or Satan's trying to pull me away from Him. I don't know which it was, but I've been convicted on so many levels tonight. I feel like so much is running through my head, there's no way I can touch on it all now (Did I mention Jonah is still awake?... Oh, I did? Okay then.)

There is only one other time in my life recently (other than today) when I have felt so pursued by Satan. It was just a couple weeks after Gabe died. Upon our arriving at church, we went to Sunday school, and they were having a baby shower for a girl who had just had her second or third child, and he was wearing the very same outfit I had been given by a friend the Sunday morning before Gabe died. And then, I came home and found HORRIBLE comments left on posts about Gabe (thus the reason I originally had comment moderation enabled.) Comments that I won't even allude to here, because they were so horrible, and I truly think the person who wrote them most have been demon-possessed, because I don't know how anyone could ever say anything like that. Anyway, my point is... I feel pursued by the Devil today. But it's only pushed me closer to my Jesus, so even though it's been a hard day, I consider it a victory.

I made the comment to my mom today that I feel like God only listens to about 1/8th of my prayers... which I know isn't true, but I was feeling sorry for myself. (Bear with me... this gets a lot better). I've just felt so frustrated and angry, and truthfully, although I know some of you think I have some inspirational faith (although those of you who really know me know the truth), I maybe pray every three days lately (hold on... I told you it gets better). I've been having a hard time. So anyway, I was feeling sorry for myself, and I made that comment.

And then I saw what had happened on the blog, and I got so angry. SO ANGRY. I was shaking as I typed my last post. And Mom asked me if I wanted to think about it a little more before I posted, and I immediately said no, wrote it in about two minutes, and posted. And even though some of it needed to be said, I'm not proud of how angry I was or that I used all caps a lot. I don't like capitalizing in anger.

And in the email that was so nasty we received, it said something along the lines of "it's people like you that make me want to have nothing to do with Christianity." (And that was before my angry post even, so as you can see, that person is not my biggest fan.) And that made me SO ANGRY again. But that's not my point. My point is that it got me thinking. What is Christianity all about? What is it that people have in their heads? What do they expect it to look like? What is it they want to have nothing to do with exactly?

And "all" I could come up with is this:

I am a sinner saved by grace. Broken. Imperfect. Pretty much disgusting.

I'm the low-down, dirty, slimy, stinky scum between your toes. (No offense to your toes or anything.)

But I'm forgiven.

And I need lots of forgiveness today. Forgiveness for many things, but most of all for doubting my God... for doubting that He loves me enough to handle all this, for doubting how He's decided to use Jonah and this blog, for doubting that He hurts as much as I do when Jonah gets a blister on his tongue.

So back to my story... (man, I'm having a hard time staying on topic). So I made that comment to mom, angry posted on my blog, responded to nasty email (and felt lots of hatred in my heart... but I'm better now), and then Matt came home. And I was praying over Jonah asleep in his crib and crying and just so ticked off I could barely stand it. And after Jonah woke up, he still couldn't eat, and the blister had gotten bigger. So instead of a bottle, he ate some squash (which he decided to love again... funny how your perception changes when you are starving) and then I gave him some bananas (instead of avocado), because I knew it would be something he would like, and I really needed him to eat. After that, we set up for dressing change, and then Jonah and I went out on the deck. And it was raining and beautiful. We were watching the rain and listening to the chimes, and I started praying out loud (something that is kind of weird for me) for Jonah to God just about everything, but mostly that He would make that blister pop so I didn't have to figure out how to stick a long needle on a syringe in his mouth and lance it myself.

And just after I finished praying, I put my finger way back in his mouth again, and the blister was drained (after having checked it only ten minutes earlier). And I thought, "Wow. I am NOTHING."

And I've spent all afternoon thinking about all this negative comments and the nasty email. I've thought about the phrasing, "if you really love your son," and "if you really care what's best for him." (Is there any doubt???) And the conclusion I've come to (the hard way, of course) is WHO CARES? Who cares about comments like that or nasty emails? Who cares how they made me feel? Who cares that I was angry? Well, God cares, but that's not my point. My point is that we just need to get over ourselves.

I. AM. NOTHING.

But with my Jesus, I am PERFECT. I am whole. I am forgiven. And even when I've had a sinful day like today, and I've felt Satan prowling around so close I can feel his breath, he cannot get me. I am already TAKEN. I'm spoken for.

I'm the daughter of the Most High King.

So get behind me, Satan.

Because my God's mercies are new EVERY morning, and tomorrow is a new day.

(Jonah's finally asleep now. We worked from 9 to 11:30 to get him down. He's gonna need some new mercies of his own if you know what I'm saying... JUST KIDDING. Sort of.)

175 comments:

Kimberly said...

hi Patrice,
I am so sorry about the comments on the previous post, and I hope that you keep posting and sharing your heart. I love checking in on you and Jonah. You are such a good mother, dealing with such difficult circumstances. I am thankful for the prayer answered with the blister, and I hope you have a restful night's sleep tonight! Jonah will get the hang of his new digs! Lots of love and encouragement from Texas!

Laurie said...

You SERIOUSLY rock - and you are one amazing mama!!!!

Katherine said...

Patrice, I admired you just as much this morning as any other morning. The choices you make, as you've made so clear, are the ones you judge to be in Jonah's best interests. How anyone can question that is beyond me, but I know that sometimes people's pain speaks louder than anything else. And anyone who has lost a child -- as you have and as some of the women who commented have -- certainly has a lot of pain in her heart.

I could see that those women absolutely just couldn't HELP themselves ... as if they felt as though they'd be dishonoring their children's or their friends' children's memories by not expressing their concern. So while I wanted to be angry at them with you, mostly I just sat and hurt for ALL of you.

I'm so glad your evening is looking up, and I wish I could be there to wrap my arms around you all.

Love you so much!

bstyles said...

I have never commented before. But, I must say that I was so moved by your words!! You and your husband are wonderful parents, and Gabe and Jonah are truly blessed! I find it very inspirational that your faith continues to show you the paths you should take. You are right. You are not perfect, as no one in these fleshly bodies are. However, God is working through you even more than you know. Although I feel such sympathy for your circumstances at times, I have been uplifted over and over just by stopping by. Thank you for being so candid in sharing your stories, family, and faith with us!

Kelsey said...

Patrice,
Your honesty on this blog amazes me again. I love reading because I love to see the cute precious pictures of Jonah and see his progress AND to see how human you are. Alot of blogs only right about the happy times and make their lives seem so perfect. Thanks for being honest and feeling like you can be that way to all of us in blogland. Wishing you luck tonight with Jonah on is sleeping!

Marie said...

Oh, I missed all the drama, isn't that always the way.

For crying out loud, BUMPERS DO NOT CAUSE COT DEATH!!!! The evidence for SIDS, while not proven yet, actually points to either a virus or bacteria - not bumpers or blankets. There is nothing wrong with bumpers, and in your case you have a darn good reason for using them. He could do a lot of damage thrashing himself against the bars. AND he already wears a SIDS monitor.

Honestly people.

Kathy said...

GO YOU, and Matt and Jonah! And YAY GOD!! -over and out!

Robyn said...

Rest well tonight knowing that your savior loves you, rejoices and sings over you, and delights in you(zeph. 3:17). Thank you for who you are, imperfect, but perfect because of what Christ did for you.

Anonymous said...

Amazing. Inspirational. And Human. Those words all describe you. I too let anger get to me sometimes, but I appreciate how you dealt with it with prayer and an apology. Your example is a great one for me and for everyone. I am so thankful that your prayer for the blister was answered. It just shows how wonderful God truly is. I know today has been a challenge, but I read your blog each and every day. Jonah has captured not only my heart, but the heart of my boyfriend as well. He even asks how he is doing and reads over my shoulder sometimes when I am checking in. Just wanted you to know I love what you are doing, and I think you are awesome for doing what you do every day. Jonah has some great parents!

Anonymous said...

Patrice, you never fail to amaze me!!! I read your last post and honestly, was very upset that people had been attacking you. I have been following your blog since the week after Jonah was born and I know that you love Jonah more than words could ever express and would never do anything to put him in harms way. Although I've never met you, I know that you always do what you think is best for Jonah. So after reading your "Enough" post I was frustrated very frustrated that people were attacking you for doing what was best for your son in his situation. However, I came back to your site this evening and read through your newest post. Wow! I don't think you need to apologize for anything you said, but I am so impressed with your ability to focus on God in such difficult situations! Thank you for always looking to God and for being a witness to the rest of us that we too need to look to God in all situations.

Good bless!

Kara

Mike and Molly Spivey said...

Thanks for sharing your heart with us!

I re-read those comments from the earlier post and as I read them thought about the verse that says:

"He who keeps you will not slumber!"

How precious is that! It is comforting to know that has I tuck my two precious boys into their crib and as I climb into bed to sleep, that there is One that does not slumber yet watches them through the night!

My friend has that verse painted above her daughters crib!

Anonymous said...

Sorry, that should have said "God bless!"

Kara

Holly said...

I am so sorry about the comments. I do completely understand where you are coming from and you know we all overreact from time to time. I want to encourage you and tell you I think you are doing a wonderful job with your son. I think he is very fortunate to have parents like you and Matt. I hope I didn't offend you with my post over at the Adventures of Cat and Bambam. It was my ultimate goal to defend you and MckMama against the recent blog turmoil you both have suffered. I have been a follower for a long time and even though I don't comment often I do enjoy your musings.

Blessings to you and yours,
HOlly

Ebeling Family said...

Beautifully put-
my heart was aching for you over the previous posts, but you know, God works in so, SO many ways- he is beyond our comprehension.
Job 11:7-9
"Can you fathom the mysteries of God?
Can you probe the limits of the Almighty?
They are higher than the heavens—what can you do?
They are deeper than the depths of the grave —what can you know?
Their measure is longer than the earth
and wider than the sea."

Psalm 108:4
For great is your love, higher than the heavens; your faithfulness reaches to the skies.

Isaiah 55:8-10
"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the LORD.
"As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts. "


Have a great night, Patrice-

~em

Jess and Krissy said...

SO sorry you've had a bad day. I usually just lurk (sorry), but I felt compelled to comment.

I think you were justified in being angry today, but I know that just because your anger is righteous doesn't make it any easier to deal with. I'm sorry Satan is attacking you and your family. I personally think you are very brave. I am praying that you will get lots of much needed rest, that God will restore baby J, that's he'll continue to flourish in your care.

I know that you know this, but God made YOU Gabe and Jonah's mommy for a reason. He designed you specifically to do that, and equipped you with special things you would need to parent your special boys. Where you are lacking, God is meeting you there.

Don't feel you can't say what you want here. It's certainly something God is using, but it's also yours, and no one has a right to judge what you do. I'm not a parent. I have no idea how I feel about bumpers and blankets and whatnot, but I do believe that you do what's best for J. Children are different and need different things. He needs you to look out for his safety, for his well-being, and you are doing just that.

I'm glad you're feeling better.

Anonymous said...

my heart has been breaking for you for the past few blogs. i could see the devil at work trying to break you down. praise the lord and trust that he is there with you and doesn't want to see you hurt or in pain. God is doing a great work in you, through you, and your sweat baby boy!!! you will have more and more people say things that hurt and try to question your motives and beliefs, but know that it's only becuase the devil is going to try to stop you from speading the work and word of the lord! He does not want you to successed in giving people hope, showing people love through your words, show how God is working in your life and jonahs life. don't let him win by getting angry or letting mean, rude, nonunderstanding comments or words get to you. I will be praying for you and your family to heal from the cuts the devil has made and that our healer will heal a broken, beautiful soul.
God bless you,
julie from Arkansas

Anonymous said...

I really hope the negative comments stop. I can't imagine going threw what yall do and then some people deciding that they need to post negative comments...just in case your day needed to get any worse. My 4 yr old son and I pray for Jonah.
(I use bumpers too, I give my kids shots...I just pray for God's protection over my kids as I am trying to do what's best for them. I'm not perfect and so I need God to protect and guide me b/c I'm sure I don't make all the right decisions, but I'm sure trying.)
Love from Okinawa, Japan.
:c)

Shawna - Round Rock, Texas said...

I am so sorry that you are going through all that you are...and then to compound it with nasty blog readers. You are doing a great job as a Mommy, in my humble opinion. :o)

I have 3 little girls and I did not know what to do about bumpers for a lot of different reasons. I thought it was neat to have them on, then I thought it would be better for our little baby to see out when she was laying down. I went back and forth and as a Mommy, the only way I could find out what worked for my family was trial and error. In the end, i went with bumpers. I had them off ONE HOUR and my baby got her leg through the slats while sleeping and twisted her leg and I almost could not get it out. My husband was ready to cut the bed apart. Her little leg looked terrible and bumpers were never a question after that.

Again, you do what is right for you. Other people may offer opinions, but you know what is best for your family, and if you don't, I know you will figure it out. You and your hubby have done a great job so far! What a shame that people have to be so nasty. May God bless your precious family always!

Ebeling Family said...

ps. you know what makes me feel better after a bad day? (besides talking things over with God?)

Target.


'nuff said.

~em

lifelaughsandlove said...

I love you Patrice! If I lived anywhere near you I would start frequenting Chick-Fil-A and/or Target in hopes that we would just happen to meet and become friends :)

I loved your last post. I was angry on your behalf at those people. I'm so sorry that some of them had babies who died of SIDS, but in no way was your post insensitive to those people and I felt like they were overlooking Jonah's underlying medical conditions. If there is one thing anyone should be able to tell from reading your blog, it is that you are fiercely devoted to that little man and will do whatever you can for his health and well-being. If anything, it was the comments from the rest of us who have kids that are not in the same boat as Jonah medically speaking who maybe flippantly said, "My kid slept with bumpers and turned out just fine" etc. So, I apologize for what I contributed to that discussion. However, I think what you said was perfectly acceptable.

Anyway, Satan sucks and he is just doing whatever he can to tear down the people who are having the biggest impact for Jesus. I'm sorry that you and your family have to suffer some of that fallout, but know that it is because Satan is feeling threatened by what you are doing. Even if you feel like you aren't an example to all of us, you are. God doesn't need perfection to work with. He just needs someone who is willing to let Him use them.

Ya'll are always in my prayers!

~Amy

Laura A said...

One of my favorite hymns is "Great is Thy Faithfulness." I get choked up (and am doing so even as I write) when I think about "morning by morning new mercies I see." Because you are correct, Patrice - we ALL need God's grace, and praise God that He does give us new mercies each day!

Anyway, I so appreciate your transparency before all of us, and the humble and forgiving spirit that the Lord gave you. I had posted earlier in the day, so I didn't see any of the comments until the "enough" post. People are so passionate, especially when it comes to their children, but it's not always communicated in the best way, and it makes it worse when it becomes unsolicited commentary/fighting. I know it must have been hard to put all that behind you, and I really admire you for that (and for being so open and honest!)

But on to happier things. Am SO glad the blister drained, and hopefully now that Jonah's down for the night you'll all get some rest!

Praying as always from TX!
Laura

Laura A said...

oh, and I have to respond to Em's post above...

DEFINITELY some Target. But only with a pit stop for Chick Fil-A!!!

Kimberly said...

You my dear are the apple of HIS eye!

Lorraine-bo said...

I had all sorts of angry thoughts on the previous comments myself, but it is time to put that behind ... just like you are telling the enemy!

Sidenote: the only thought that came to my mind when I saw that pic was "is that a painting of patrice when she was pregnant? sweet!"

I want you to know that you are not an inspiration to me because I think you have perfectly strong faith, but rather because you are real about your faith, weaknesses, and share from your heart.

I am absolutley ga-ga over that handsome Jonah of yours and pray that you will be able to continue sharing your heart so those of us that enjoy reading about Jonah can continue to know how best to pray.

God is bigger than all of that other stuff ... I actually just wrote about it in my blog if you would ever care to check it out.

May the LORD bless Jonah, You, & Matt with a restful night and peace in your heart!

http://rain-or-sonshine.blogspot.com/

LisaL said...

Oh my goodness, Patrice! I sooo want to wrap my arms around you to give you a big hug! You are doing what is best for Jonah which is all any of us can do for our children. I, too, became so @#$* angry when I read the comments from "that" post. (been away from my computer for a few days so haven't been able to get my daily Jonah fixes!) And then when I read this post I began to cry as I read how your day played out and how God was able to help Jonah again. You are an inspiration to me and I love that you are willing to share your life - the good and the bad with us. I loved reading how you worked through your anger and pain and were able to again find peace in God.

On another note... is that painting of you while you were pregnant? Is it an actual painting or a photoshopped photo? It is absolutely beautiful!! Wish I would have thought of that when I was pregnant!!

Love and prayers to your family!

Allie said...

I just loved, loved your last post! You hit "the nail on the head". Thank you for all that you do. Thank you for bringing me closer to Jesus tonight! You are a great, amazing woman, and I admire you.

Blessings,
Allie

Kristi in Colorado said...

I feel it needs to be said.... I pretty much just think you rock! =)

Melanie said...

I love you Patrice! I don't know you personally, and such a bold comment is probably pretty weird coming from a stranger, but I just can't help myself. Way to be the bigger person, and "let others see Jesus in you!" Our lesson, at church tonight was about humbleness and how just when you think you've got it all together, something will happen to bring you back down and humble you. The lesson was from Daniel 4 when Nebuchadnezzar thinks he is "the man," and God gives him a chance to repent (12 months to be exact), but he just can't help himself, so God has no choice but to show him who the "real Man" is. Your situation is nothing like this, but it is about humbleness none-the-less. I am so proud of you, and I will continue to pray for poor little Jonah's blisters and for your continued sanity.
Melanie
(King, NC in case you were wondering)

Shari said...

Patrice: thank you for being so real. It is appreciated. I have been praying for you all day. You are an amazing Momma and I am so glad Jonah has you!

amanda said...

Hi Patrice,
You are a wonderful mother and great witness for God. I am praying for Jonah and your whole family. Raising children is never easy and only you, Jonah's parents (and God of course) know what is best for Jonah. Every child is different and has unique needs. Please continue doing what you are doing. You have an amazing heart for God!

Elizabeth said...

I think you're a wonderful mother and I love reading about Jonah. And I don't think that you have anything to apologize for!!! But here's something I VERY strongly with you :) I don't feel that god ever wants us walking aroudn thinking that we are "the lowest of the low" or "digsuting". You're not. You are simply human.

The England Family said...

Hi Patrice...
I wish I could just sit down and talk with you and give you a big hug. You truly are an amazing mother. I don't think I could take all the harsh words and still continue posting in such a positive way. You go girl! You are such an inspiration and a wonderful Mommy. You have encouraged many moms that read your blog. God is doing amazing things through your blog. Keep up the good work...we love you!

Crystal said...

I am sorry that anyone would attack. If anyone took the time to read your blog they would know that you love that little man more then life. I know, and alot of other people know that you would do anything on this earth to protect him. A women in my chruch sings this song from time to time and it always reminds me of you.

I have journeyed through the long, dark night
Out on the open sea,
By faith alone, sight unknown,
And yet His eyes were watching me.

The Anchor holds, though the ship is battered.
The Anchor holds, though the sails are torn.
Well I have fallen on my knees,
as I faced the raging sea,
But the Anchor holds, in spite of the storm.
I've had visions and I've had dreams;
Well I've even held them in my hands,
But I never knew those dreams could slip right through
Like they were only grains of sand.

O, the Anchor holds, though the ship is battered.
The Anchor holds, though the sails are torn.
Well I have fallen on my knees,
as I faced the raging seas.
O, the Anchor holds, in spite of the storm.
Now I have been young, but I am older now.
O and there has been beauty these eyes have seen;
But it was in the night, when I faced the storms of my life.
Oh, that's where God proved His love to me.

The Anchor holds, though the ship is battered.
The Anchor holds, though the sails are torn.
I have fallen, fallen down on my knees
as I faced the raging seas.
But the Anchor holds; O, in spite of the storm.
I said I've fallen, fallen down on my knees
as I faced the raging seas;
But the Anchor holds, in spite of the storm.

The Dolezal Family said...

Times like this make me glad that only 5 people read my blog and they are all family and judge me freely anyway!

Your family is in our prayers constantly. My two boys (7 & 6) are constantly asking how jonah is. They pray for him often and have even fasted for his wellbeing.

Keep plugging away. Somedays are tough for us mom's, even if everything on the outside seems perfect. We all have our moments.

Oh yeah, I read somewhere a great quote about praying out loud. How it is a deep, spiritual experience and something we should do often, lift up our voices to our Heavenly Father, especially as moments of desperation.

Rebecca said...

I am inspired by you - not only by your faith, but by your transparency about your struggles as well.

Praying for a restful night for you all and praising for a blister destroyed by His hand.

Kimberly, Raleigh NC said...

I have followed your blog for some time now but have never posted a comment until now. I think your previous post was TOTALLY JUSTIFIED! I am a mother of three boys here in Raleigh, NC. Nothing gets under my skin more than when people (usually those with no children or very limited parenting experience) criticize my decisions as a parent. Every decision I make is made with my childrens' best interests at heart. Are all of my decisions perfect? Of course not. Do all of my decisions please everyone? No. Do they have to? No. Neither do yours. You don't owe ANYONE an apology. If anything, there are folks out there who owe YOU an apology. That's right, I'm talking to you. Ya'll know who you are. By the way, I recently saw one of Jonah's car magnets while driving into Garner. Thought that was pretty cool. Take care and God bless.

Jennifer said...

You rock, Patrice, and you are so so strong! I am so sorry about what happened in the post about the bumper....honestly, I thought what you said on your "angry post" was well said, and it is your blog, you put whatever you want on there, and I knew you probably had to get it all out in writing, as well. That is what a blog is for!

Hugs, Patrice, you are amazing.

Coco said...

Patrice,
I don't know if this will help you, but I know it helped me a lot. When my firstborn was about three months old I was struggling terribly with his sleep. He slept no more than 45 minutes on his back but up to three hours on his tummy. I was sick to my stomach every time I put him on his tummy thinking I could be killing him! When I asked my (now ex)pediatrician (in total desperation) if it was the end of the world to let him sleep on his tummy the response was, "it could be." I cried all the way home. Finally I was given the chance to ask that same question of another ped. This one was a father, an older man and well respected in our community. Most importantly he was on the SIDS review board that analyzed every infant death in our county. His very compasionate response was that no one KNOWS what causes SIDS. Millions of babies have grown up in this country sleeping on their tummies, with blankets and with bumper pads and survived. The truth is babies also die of SIDS sleeping on their backs with no blankets or bumper pads (we had a family member loose a baby this way). His feeling was that the precautions are wise and good ideas but it not worth beating yourself up over. You have to do what works for you and your baby! Jonah needs those bumpers. All three of my kids had them until I took their cribs down. (They also all slept on their tummies!) SIDS is a real concern and yes, bumpers/blankets may add to that risk but they are not in and of themselves a risk. As that doctor told me ten years ago, SIDS is more complicated than that or we'd have a cure by now!
You are doing fine. Trust your own instincts - I wish I'd done more of that the first time around! Hang in there...
Coco

Nancy said...

Way to kick that devil in his hairy red butt! Yay God for taking care of that blister!

Carie Hatmaker said...

Patrice,
I've only commented once or twice, but wanted to encourage you to keep the Faith! God is using you through your blog to reach people who don't know Him and to encourage those of us who do! Just yesterday, I had a similar day and commented to my mom that I felt my "prayer line" was busy. I needed to read what you said in this post. I needed to be reminded that He hears, and answers in His time and His way, often just to remind me I am nothing! Thanks for being transparent, and for this post!

chinamoon1420 said...

This post was so beautiful. However, I am sorry about the events that led up to it. I am amazed at the power of God every day. I am so glad the blister popped and you didn't have to lance it. Praise God!

I agree with Laurie! You do ROCK! SERIOUSLY!!!!!

flynnfamily said...

Patrice,

I may have commented once before on your blog, but your words were perfect in your post. Thank you for being honest and letting us, strangers, into your world. You are a wonderful mom.

Anonymous said...

You are an amazing Mommy to Jonah and Gabe too. God Bless you Patrice.

jardinera linda said...

it took me a while to realize what you were talking about. I had no idea what SIDS stood for (in spanish we call it "muerte subita") and didn't understad why readers shouldn't mention the bumpers and blanket.
Now that i understand what was going on, i just wanted to reasure you, like someone else here has, that the cause for SIDS is UNKNOWN! I used to sneek in my babies room a couple of times every night to make sure they were breathing...crazy, i know, but that fear is natural. The bumper thing is something i never ever heard about! We use them in Spain, always have, and there is no reason to believe they cause any harm. Quite the contrary: they prevent our babies from waking up with a bump on their heads! Isn't it what the word bumper stands for anyway?
Patrice, i love your blog, you are a nice, sweet, sensitive person who shares your happiness, sadness, hopes, fears, with us.
Why I read your blog and not someone else's? I don't know. But i like it. If i didn't like it,i wouldn't. It's as simple as that. A simple choice. It is plain sad that some people don't get it. I wouldn't give it further thought: it is sad, and we shouldn't spend more than a second thinking about it, but instead go on living our lives, caring about our loved ones and ignoring those who don't love us.
¡Sigue escribiendo, nos encanta Jonah y sus aventuras!
Un abrazo desde Mallorca.

juana, martin, ines

Feris said...

Hy Patrice,
I love your blog, and I really think you are doing an amazing job in raising your beautiful baby Jonah. You as his mom know better than anyone else what´s the best for him. So don´t worry and follow your instinct.
Always parying for your family from Mexico

Jenny Hintze said...

You are an amazing mom. Anyone who reads this blog can tell that. I think many of those words were spoken out of despair and pain, not love or compassion. Hurt people hurt people. And losing a baby hurts like nothing else. But you know that already.

Rebecca said...

Amen. Amen. Amen. Beautifully said. You are an AMAZING mother, writer, and Christian example. Thank you for sharing so we can follow your family and pray for Jonah!

KathyL said...

You teach us a lesson in humanity every day. love you. KathyL.

Anonymous said...

AMEN my sister! Beautiful post!

Shannon said...

I haven't read the other comments, so forgive me if this has been said...

Stuff like the crib bumpers is just the first of many, many parenting decisions you will make.

Other parents will judge your choices and actions over and over again. IRL, very few will comment or question. On the blog, anonymous folks can say whatever they like about your choices. It's SO easy to be brave behind the cloak of anonymity.

At my baby shower, an Aunt and mother of 5 wrote some advice in my shower book...

1) Don't ever wake a sleeping baby

2) Don't worry about what other parents are doing...do what YOU think is best

I hope you have a better week and weekend!

Erin said...

Iknow it is so hard not to let people's words cut like a knife....I can't believe someone would question your love for Jonah...Anyways, I was going to tell you that I saw a breathable bumperpad at TARGET!! It is supposted to help prevent SIDS...but it was on clearance so you might have to check on~line..If I haven't told you...I am obsessed with clearance shopping esp. at Target, they have the best clearance ever...maybe if you are down in Ga. we could go shopping together at Target. I used to work there when I was a teenager! Don't feel defeated..Victory has won! Jesus is Alive....much love and blessings to you and Matt and precious Jonah~erin

Melissa said...

As another reader said, I was upset to see that people that been so ugly and said ugly things to you over the bumper. You are a great mom and have been through so much - I can't imagine. Your obvious faith in God will see you through all of this. I am so thankful that you did not have to take care of the blister. I hope you have a much more peaceful day today. I am glad that Jonah is eating for you.

Christina said...

Patrice, I frequently read your blog and have seriously fallen in love with little Jonah. He sure is a special little guy :)

I just wanted to add that its people like YOU that bring ME closer to my faith. If you can have faith, even through everything you've been through then so can I!! I already do, but its so inspiring to read about how much love you have for God, when it would be so easy for you to be angry with Him (which is probably how I would feel admittedly). You, Jonah and your whole family are a real inspiration. I just love reading about what goes on in your everyday life. You seem like such a cool person.

And for what its worth...I love the bumper pad in the crib ;)

Keep your chin up. There will always be someone to try and bring us down. You have many more supportive people in your life who can more than make up for those that arent.

God bless!

Anonymous said...

I know you do not feel like an inspiration to anyone, let alone yourself, but you are. You are so blessed to have a beautiful son and a loving husband. It is crazy how God keeps us in check. We go about our daily lives and kind of forget at every turn he is there waiting for us. Until something really stops us in our tracks. It happens all the time. You keep your head up. Negative comments are always some one elses opinions and opinions are like rain drops. Here now, gone in a split second.
Thanks for your inspiration to all of us!
Regina

Tabatha said...

Great post!

newwife said...

Patrice,
I think your blog is the only blog I have ever commented on, little Jonut has such a place in so many peoples hearts (as does the rest of your family!) as so many have said before, you all are truly amazing. Know that so many of us love you guys, even when things are down you still have a wonderful spirit and we pray that things will even out for your beautiful family. Lots of love and prayers!
Jennifer

Diana said...

So sorry that there are people out there that want to hurt you with their words...

Sending encouragement your way. You do what you need to do to be the good mother that you are. Keep up the faith and thanks for blogging the good, the bad and the ugly!

Michelle said...

I don't know you, but I do know that you do everything you possibly can to give Jonah the best care possible. That's what matters. For the record, I used bumper pads, I formula fed *gasp*, and sometimes we even eat non-organic food (ok, most of the time). People will ALWAYS find a way to be rude and hurtful. Stick to your guns, momma! BTW, Jonah is just way too cute!!

Anonymous said...

I continue to lift you and your family in prayers. Grief manifests itself in many different ways. I'm sorry that someone else's grief has caused you pain.

Sadly, a friend had similar issues when she decided to stop nursing and go with formula. Lactation terrorists (I'm cleaning up the language she used) tried to make her feel like she was killing her child and should be turned in to child protective services.

OTOH, you've mentioned before that you can take care of yourself and a couple of those posts show that you can.

Monogram Girl said...

patrice,
your words are so moving. and do you want to know WHY you are inspiring? it's because you are HONEST! thank you for sharing on your journey. you just say what a lot of us moms feel and dont know that we can say the words. you are amazing because you ARE forgiven. thank you.

Lauren said...

amen, girl. amen.

you have boiled it all down to the most important thing--we sin, we fall short, but we are forgiven. and i hope that all of the conflict and drama can fall away in the light of God's amazing grace.

you are an amazing mother and do what is best for jonah, and i hope that everyone can respect that. there are so many blogs that i read about moms and their parenting styles and it has opened my eyes on how many different approaches there are out there, yet nothing is deemed as best or most appropriate--it's all about what works for you. and so many people deal with feelings of guilt or remorse for choosing one method or another, but why? i just hope that we can build each other up with love, rather than cutting one another down.

writing these posts over the past couple of days took a lot of courage and so much openness and transparency. and that's why i love you and am so glad that you can share our Savior's love with the world.

love you, miss you, wanna give you a hug and cuddle with jonah. :)

Sabrina said...

I am so happy with your post today. I almost chose anger when I read your earlier comments and then I tried to put myself in their shoes (which I can't even fathom) and realized that they were commenting from a deep place of hurt that only those of you that have lost your precious babies can understand. They needed to do their babies justice just as you are doing what you need for Jonah.

Anyway, enough about that, wanna know what I miss? Pictures of that cute little guy!!! I mean I come hear to read your very inspirational words too! :)

Anonymous said...

I have never commented before but after reading your post I thought I should. Only YOU know what is best for your child!! Whether to use bumpers or not is YOUR decision. I am sorry people say such hurtful things. I pray for you and Jonah daily and love seeing the updates and photos.

Erin said...

You are so right! You shouldn't have to worry about every little thing you type on YOUR blog. It's ok to say what you want, when you want, because this is YOUR outlet!

Heather from Ontario Canada said...

Sending cyber (((hugs)))) to you today Patrice :0)

Phoenix's Mom said...

I am so sorry for all the negative comments. You are an amazing mother, and know what is best for your little man. Thank you for sharing him with us.
Hugs and prayers
Angela

Christine said...

There's a lot to be said for a mommy's instinct...I try to remember that when I'm trying to figure out if I should do this or that for my kids. All of us mommys know deep down inside what's best for our kids.

I agree with the other posters...I love your honesty and humor in your posts. We all have to laugh at ourselves sometimes...it's either that or cry.

I also agree with the other posters who say "YOU ROCK!!"

Hope your Thursday is better!!

Kristi said...

I don't think I've ever commented before but wanted to say I love your blog and your honesty and that I think you are a great example of a Christian-Christianity is not perfection-not in this world at least. Not having 100% faith in God does not mean you are not a Christian-look at the Psalms!

As for thinking things in parenting are great one minute and then everything falls apart-yep-it always happens that way. I don't know why. Sometimes I think it's just life in this fallen world and other times it seems clear to me that the lion is roaring and in feeling good I haven't been alert. It's hard to enjoy life when waiting for the other shoe to drop. But, I guess we are supposed to have peace and joy in God not our circumstances. It's always tempting for me to get peace and joy from my circumstances even though I know it will bite me in the end.

OK, I'm rambling....remember your family is covered by prayer!
Kristi

kathunt said...

This was a great post, just what I needed this morning!

j3k said...

God bless you sweet little angel!!
I don't know how you do it everyday. I don't post often but I cried for you yesterday when I read your post because I feel your pain. I have never lost a child and yes I used bumper pads with all four kids (I didn't know any different) Every parent has to make decisions that best for THEIR child under the circumstances. You are amazing parents. Everytime I get frustrated because I think I have a bad day or something bad going on or too much in one day I am reminded of what you have to do everyday. You and your husband and entire family are amazing. Love to the entire crew and keep your chin held high and remember parenting is trial and error and every child requires different needs. I had 4 and can tell you they have definetely had different needs that required totally different parenting at times. GO WITH YOUR HEART its always right!

Hearts and Hugs
Marie

Tricia said...

That was beautiful. I, too, am sorry that you had to go through that. I am sorry that someone felt the need to post such harsh comments. And although I understand that what was in your heart maynot have been God-honoring, I saw nothing wrong with your post. I will keep praying for you. I hope you have a good day today. God bless.

Cassidy said...

So sad when some people take something that is about you and your struggles and your willingness to share with the rest of us and our desire to lift you up and make it about them. Hang in there. I pray God will so fill you with good thoughts and comments that the others drift away never to be considered again...freedom & peace!

Amanda said...

I've been lurking on your blog for months and have loved reading about your sweet Jonah and have always marveled at what a wonderful mom you are. Never really felt the need to respond until today. I just wanted to let you know that I think you're a great mother who is only doing what all other moms have to do on a daily basis: trust your instinct and try to make the best possible decision you can make to keep your sweet baby happy and healthy. And I think you're doing a great job at it. I have two children and have had to make tough decisions for them as well. They've been raised in daycare (a big no-no in the affluent county I live in), they were never breast-fed (I wasn't physically able to), they've had all their immunizations, and I held them during their naps while I was home on maternity leave (got a huge scolding from my MIL on that one for "spoiling" my children by holding them too much). I basically just try to trust my doctors and my mommy-instinct and make the best decisions I possibly can. And then, I pray lots of prayers over them and trust that God will take care of the rest. So far, my children are happy and healthy and know they are so loved. And I think your sweet little Jonah will grow up the same way, happy and knowing that he is so loved. Don't let the negative comments get to you. Just hold your head up high and know that you're doing the best you can in a very unique situation and trust God to take care of the rest.

Anonymous said...

It's people like you that make me want to have EVERYTHING to do with Christianity.

I am not a very "good" Christian by any means. I read your blog because your story inspires me. Your faith guides me in my own journey to being a better person. And, let's face it, Jonah is pretty dang cute.

Please continue to keep your blog real. You are human. You have emotions, good and bad. You have struggles (most of which few people reading this blog can fully grasp). You have opinions and beliefs. You, alone, know your child.

While I understand that some of the comments were trying to educate others on SIDS risks, the implication that if you loved your child, you'd do things differently, was WAY out of line.

The day that you become perfect and stop being real is the day that I will stop reading your blog. Because it's people like THAT who make me want to have NOTHING to do with Christianity.

Anonymous said...

Patrice,

Like many others, I have not posted on here before, but I have followed you on here ever since Jonah was born. (I learned about you from someone who said she had been to camp with you before.) You and your family have become such a real part of my life, that I feel like if I saw you in person, I could just go right up to you and talk like we had been friends forever. Then I realize if I did that, you would wonder who this strange woman who you never met was! Guess that would be weird. LOL

I greatly admire you. I can't think of any more encouraging words than I have seen posted already. You are a fantastic momma. Thank you for opening up and sharing your life with all of us.

Toni :O) said...

You poor thing...my heart broke for you reading some of those awful, awful comments that people left. I sense we're a lot alike in the fact that I take criticism very personally and if it were my blog, I would have reacted the same exact way. I would have felt awful, like Satan pushing his way into my heart. I'm glad praying helped and God watched over you to steer you in the other direction. You know you and Matt are doing what is best for sweet Jonah and that's what is important, what anyone else thinks really doesn't matter...words hurt, yes, but you are an incredibly strong person and a wonderful mommy and don't let anyone tell you differently. The job of Mommy is SO incredibly hard and those of us following your blog, love Jonah and want to pray over your sweet family. I hope you don't shut comments down because of a few awful comments and/or people (I don't have time for a blog, but I read many and absolutely adore yours and like to be able to leave a comment). I completely agree that if people don't have anything nice to say, they shouldn't say it or for that matter...stop reading your blog! I left this same comment over on MckMama's blog too...breaks my heart you two have to deal with issues like that when your children are so ill. I, too, wish I could give you a hug for support and strength. Thank you for sharing your sweet boy with those of us who truly care and want to pray for him. I hope you have brighter days ahead and I'm so happy to hear the blister prayer was answered...God truly works miracles...just look at sweet Stellan's sparkly face! That should give you some hope! Take care and keep on doing what you're doing!

Megan @ Hold it Up to the Light said...

You rock. Just remember that.

I love when situations like this (which still blows my mind....how could ANYONE say such horrible, sick things to you about either of your babies) totally bring us closer to Him and to what really matters. It's like it just throws it in Satan's face even more.

God will always win. God will always prevail. God will always be there for you. God will ALWAYS forgive.

Praying for a much more peaceful day!

purejoy said...

amen sister. you go. i can't believe people would drop negative comments. people are entirely too sensitive these days. everyone's easily offended.
people like that? stay home. and stay off the internet. and don't watch tv. keep your blinds drawn. oh and just go in a closet.
life hurts. develop some thicker skin, because it don't get any easier out there.

and yes, for someone like jonah, a comment like "develop some thicker skin" might be entirely offensive (and i wasn't even thinking that when i wrote that). in fact it is totally offensive, but you know that i didn't mean it to be hurtful. i'm talking about emotionally fragile people who feel the need to rant on people's comments (uhhh, i know, i'm ranting now, aren't I?).
i am with you 100 %. about everything. about negativity, about sliminess, about being forgiven by grace.
thank you Jesus.
and thank you patrice. you rock my socks off!

Meghan said...

Thanks for the insightful read this morning Patrice. Many things I can take to heart. It pains me that people can say and do such hurtful things to people that are already hurting so much. It doesn't make sense. But you are right, we are all sinners and we all do stupid things, but God redeems us and loves us anyway. And I thank God for that!

Anonymous said...

You go, girl! You are absolutely right -- NO ONE but you and Matt know how you feel and NO ONE (save Jesus, of course) can tell you how to feel and what to do when it comes to YOUR child! So...YOU GO, GIRL!

Anonymous said...

I think your amazing.. and who cares what those nasty people say! it is your son and you do for him what you think it best.. you don't tell other people how to care for their children, so they shouldn't tell you how to care for your child.. every situation is diffrent. i enjoy reading your blog to see the progress of you adorable son. keep it up and ignore those "jerks"!!!! like you said... they don't have to keep coming back to read!!! i am sure MOST people enjoy your story.. :) take care and keep doing what you are doing for that baby!!!

Stacey said...

I absolutely LOVE reading your posts. I'm a mother of 13 (2 little boys and 11 angels in heaven, one named Emma Grace) and I'm completely empathetic to your sensitivity and feelings. I often get rude comments. They are hurtful and more often than not cause me to get angry. Haven't people heard, "If you don't have anything nice, don't say it at ALL." Well....I guess not. Anyways, thanks for opening your heart and your soul.

Oh, and did I mention, Jonah is SO cute and adorable??? His smile is contagious.

Stacey from CA

Wanda Wilkinson said...

Hi Patrice,

All I can say is I love you & your family (especially that blue eyed boy). Please do not get dishearted..you are so awesome & God truly has you in His hand. As He has told us, it won't always be easy, but at least He is alway there with us.(THAT IS MY INTERPERTATION)

Just so you know at 3am this morning God & I were talking, I was having to ask HIm to help me with my anger from last night & to keep Jonah safe & to bring you & Matt peace & comfort.

Love, prayers & blessings

val said...

I am sorry that you had to endure all those nasty comments. As people have said, only you know what is best for your child. No one can tell you what is right. As a mom who has lost a child, my biggest fear is something happening to my other 2 children & there is NO way I would do anything that would hurt or endanger them. They are my #1 concern.

Are these people there everyday, in & out & know all that goes into your decision to do what you do for JOnah. No they are not. They can get a glimpse on here but I know that what you share on here is only a small amount of what goes on. They need to step back & watch what they say.

I am so inspired by what you said about Satan. I have made many mistakes in the past & I am trying so very hard to get back on track,. I lately have felt that Satan is trying his hardest to bring me down but I have tried to pray it through & God always helps me. Amen

Please know that you have much love from NJ.{{hugs}}

Elizabeth said...

Good for you, Patrice! It stinks that no matter what we do...someone is always critical. You are obviously doing everything you can to protect that sweet baby! I use a SIDS monitor along with a breathable bumper for my little guy (and an afghan with holes in it)...but I don't know if that would give sweet Jonah enough cushion or not. I hope your future "good" days will not be ruined by such criticism!! In the NICU, they often put babies to sleep on their bellies...it's not "ideal" according to SIDS prevention standards, but they are monitored...so they compromise to do what is best for the infant. Keep up the good work!

Anonymous said...

Patrice, please know that we love you, Jonah and Matt. I read your blog everyday. I think of you often. And even though I am not what you may call a "praying person", I do find myself praying that Jonah will have a good day. We know that what you do for Jonah is what you feel is the very best thing for him. Keep it up!

Darcy said...

What a lovley post, it was truly amazing, I felt his presence as I read it!

When I first read your post about bumper pads, I was like yeah that makes sense she doesnt was Jonah hitting his arm on the hard crib when it could be a soft pad (my kids have bumper pads too) I thought eveyone would understand that. I am so sorry that you had to go through and read the nasty comments......

But isn't it amazing how He works, He can really make you fall to your knees in a second.

Bless you and your family.

Mommyto3 said...

I don't believe you should ever apologize for making a well informed decision for your child. This is what Jonah needs, end of story. The negative comments, insults and ignorance will always come regarless of topic. Don't ever let them have power over you, for it is fear that is driving them. You are choosing love to drive you and that, dear friend is the most powerful tool.

Anonymous said...

I am so sorry that you had those comments. I rarely comment. I am in favor of bumper pads though.

Everyone has their own parenting style and while we may not like it works for them. I have learned some things the hard way(first time parent). But still our PARENTING style is just that ours.

Do not listen to what others say.
You are a good parent.

Sara from Texas

Tiffany Lockette said...

I am so sorry that anyone has so much hate in their heart that they enjoy hurting others. I just don't understand. I don't understand how mean people have become. Anyway, I think you are a wonderful mother and you have so much weight on your shoulders. Jonah is beautiful, you are beautiful. Don't let others bring you down. Always believe in yourself and try not to let others make you think any less of yourself. Many prayers for you guys and hugs. Keep your head up.

A Gramma in Indiana said...

Girl, don't beat yourself up. We ALL have so far to go to be like Christ. It's a wonder He just doesn't give up on the human race. But. I'm. Sooooo. Glad. He. Doesn't.

You are dealing with alot, alot of stuff. Your heart is vulnerable. Satan knows just when to attack us and it is usually through other people. And, it isn't only through "bad" people. Satan even uses good people and that hurts even more.

Be encouraged. You can be MORE than a conquerer through Christ. Don't you just love how He can do the smallest thing (like drain the blister on Jonah's tongue) and our whole perception can change. He truly is so good.

motherfulkser said...

Oh, Patrice. I am so sorry about all the drama. As a new mom, too, I understand how defensive people can be, but a lot of that didn't just cross the line - it hurdled over it with a pole vault!

Just to clear the air - and not to be inflammatory, but sharing info from a source my family and many doctor friends find to be reliable:

http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/sudden-infant-death-syndrome/ds00145/dsection=causes

(brain/nerve characteristics, heart functions)

And as other people have said, doctors' advice changes every 20 years or so - sleep them on their tummies, NO sleep them on their backs, NO sleep them on their sides (how the heck do you get an infant to sleep on his/her side???)... so it's only natural that external, not genetic, causes would at some point be used as the bad guy for this.

That being said - YOU and Jonah's mommy, and YOU have to do what is best for Jonah. And you are doing that! And you handle conflict with more grace and graciousness that I ever have. To God be the glory.

Still looking up to you,
Casey's mommy

Anonymous said...

Hey Patrice,
I absolutely love reading about the things you do and seeing the pictures of your beautiful baby. You have every right to be upset about the things people said. Yes he is your baby and it is your choice to do what you want. I lost a baby as well and always used to say I wouldn't do this or that, but you know what when it comes down to it I probably would. I would be so greatful to have that baby I would do whatever it took to make him happy! So you go girl, you do whatever it takes to make your precious boy safe and happy! I will continue to pray for you and your family, it takes a lot to endure what you do everyday! I am not sure I could do it, so girl you have my cheers coming your way. You Rock!

Becky

Anonymous said...

You are NOT "Nothing" because God made you and God does not make "nothing". He makes MIRACLES and YOU are a miracle and Jonah is a miracle and your blog allows God to work more miracles (remember: God works miracles, we are the vessels). So glad God chose the blister to get your attention again. So glad he ate squash and bananas and that you got him to sleep. New routines take time. Slow and steady wins the race. I love you in Christ and pray for you (some times every three days.... tee hee!) and know that God is there for you and you need to lean on Him. So glad you are leaning and releaning! Jennifer in Southeast, NC

Kirsten said...

oh sweetie... you have such an amazing heart. i know it's been commented a bunch, but i'll say it again: you are an amazing mommy, you are taking very good care of jonah, and he is SOOO lucky to have you an matt as parents. as much as you can just let the nasty comments/emails slide off your back. keep your chin up!!

Dina said...

No need to apologize Patrice! I wish I could hug you write now because everything you said takes such courage. You put yourself out there for the world to see...never apologize for that!

You are a GREAT Mother and GREAT Christian!

~Dina

Kim from San Antonio said...

Patrice, I am not sure how to express my feeling, but I just want you to know that I respect you. I respect your honesty and your heart. Please don't take the negative emails/comments to heart. Perhaps some came from people suffering themselves that are blinded by their own depression or anger. And then again, there are people that just have hatred in their heart that want to hurt others. I would imagine that there are many more positive, loving people, especially other mothers that get up every morning hoping for an update on your blog, just to see something wonderful. A picture of sweet Jonah, a way to assist you, or just your cute humor. It is always the negative that gets the most attention, but please just delete them and don't give them a second thought. You know what a sacrifice you and Matt are giving your son and how much your are advocating for him and protecting him. You are both doing everything HUMANLY possible. And just like with parently in general, every decision we make a parents have pros and cons. That is the hardest adjustment I found in becoming a parent. When you realize that there are no black and white answers...you just have to do your research, trust your instincts, pray and then make a decision and then hope and pray it turns out okay. Please know that you are lifted up in prayer and that it will continue to get easier as Jonah get older and stronger. In the meantime, enjoy your son and husband! Let the rest of the world wait!

Mama10EE said...

WOO HOO Patrice! Way to sock it to those who feel they know best, but can't see their own ignorance. I LOVE your in your face response. These people need that, since you can't physically reach out and slap them!

Irisheyes143 said...

I'm sorry some people feel teh need to crfeate drama and comment on completely benign things that were not meant specifically towards them.
I knew exactly what you meant when you posted that comment (meaning: not wanting to open that can of worms) and I respect that, why can't others?
BTW - I'm a mom of 2 (4.5 & 3), both used bumpers, and I would do it again.
Many prayers for you and Jonah.
-Peace and strength

shoutingforha said...

I hope you know that you don't have to apologize for anything that you write. This is your blog and you can write about anything that you want.

I, for one, appreciate your honesty... even when it comes from a raw and painful place.

You are a wonderful Mom. God chose to entrust Gabe and Jonah to your care. He knew you were the best one to take care of his precious gifts.

Hang in there... we are praying for you.

Just Breathe said...

Your a wonderful person, awesome mother and the daughter of God.
((HUGS))

Kelli said...

I have never posted, nor do we know each other, but I've been reading your blog for months. I cry, laugh (out loud) and always feel like you are such a strong person. You know (and most other too) that you are doing SO much for your son. Don't ever let ignorant, mean people make you doubt yourself. You deserve to vent...IT IS YOUR BLOG! :)

Following HIM said...

I am SO SORRY you are recieving nasty and mean emails, comments, and words. It breaks my heart how MEAN people can be. You will only recieve nice words and sweet sayings from me! I have never heard of EB until Gabe and Jonah and am actually interested to learn more. NO ONE should EVER be as mean but I will always encourage and support!
You rock my world woman! You are so amazing :) Just thought you needed that!
~Elyse

Bridgesfam said...

I'm so glad you didn't give up on your blog. I've been following it since the day Jonah was born and I check it almost daily. I enjoy seeing what Jonah's been up to and reading what's on your mind. Honestly, I don't know how anyone reading your blog could question how much you love your son. I do wonder why some people choose not to respect other people's decisions and why some use words to hurt people they don't even know (referring to the nasty email you received). But as you said, what does it really matter what they think? You know you love your son and you know you're doing what you think is best for him. At the end of the day, that's all that really matters.

Maythi said...

I rarely post either, but follow your blog and cried through this whole post. I could not imagine having people attack you when you are doing the BEST you can with all your circumstances. Being a parent is not easy and I suppose it won't be the last time you'll want to "punch someone in the face", but as usual, you handle it with such grace. I didn't even think your previous post sounded angry, it sounded like you were hurt. And yes, we shouldn't care what others think, but we are human. Thank you for being so honest. And our God is beyond amazing. After all, he picked you & Matt to be parents to two very special boys. We pray for y'all daily and wish you luck with bedtime battles. I remember those all too well!

Lama Mama said...

Add me to the list of people who think you have amazing faith and abiding love! My minister said something last week that really resonated with me: "God wants you to love your neighbor. He doesn't care if your neighbor loves you back, just that you do your part in loving them." So as hard as it is, keep loving God and your neighbor, even the mean ones who need Him even though they don't know it!!

jennypen said...

Thank you for setting an example worth following.

So glad Jonah's tongue is on the mend and still looking forward to some future avocado pics!

Beth.. One Blessed Nana said...

People just amaze me. NO. Grownups amaze me. They are worse than children.

All of my girls and grandkids had bumper pads in their beds. Just like my girls all slept on their stomach too. They would NOT sleep on their backs and my grandkids all had reflux and spit up so bad, we didn't WANT Them on their backs.

You are a fabulous mother Patrice. Jonah is a blessed little fella to have such great parents whose love for him is so evident.

Sending you love and support!

Angela M, Winston-Salem said...

You HAVE to ignore those hurtful comments by people who don't care how they hurt others. You are upset by it and they aren't. Something I've learned to say over and over to myself is "Let It Go". There are unfortunately always going to be mean, hurtful people in life and we have to learn to ignore them cuz if we don't then they affect us. From reading this blog, it seems to me that you are a beautiful, wonderful, caring, thoughtful, loving mother and you have to do what is right for you and your family and try to ignore people that want to hurt you. You Go Girl!! YOU are AWESOME!!!

Mike and Mindy Aumann said...

All I can say is... Wow. Thank you for sharing. Thank you for being vulnerable. You sharing your struggles has encouraged me. Thank you for sharing the insight you received yesterday. And we'll keep praying...

Megan Lauriana said...

Sending lots of love and prayer your way from California.

I read the blog and most of the comments and cried for you. I'm not a mother, I can't begin to even feel what you have felt since you've started your path through motherhood, but I can see and feel how much you want the best for your son, and how much you love him.

I have faith that you and Matt are leaning on God to help make the best decisions in bringing up Jonah, and that you are aware of all possibilities in your choices. You are the Momma, not us. You know what needs to be done to protect your cute little boy.

You are so fabulous and I admire you.

Keep trusting in our Lord and Savior.

Megan

anna said...

ha! you know what cracks me up? the devil thinks he'll really get you this time....when really all he's doing is convincing you that all you need is Jesus!
and thanks for your honesty. you spoke truth that many people need to hear.

Penny said...

You just push that devil and his ways right down under your feet girl!!!

Why is it that ost of the time awful and ugly words seem to spew from those hiding behind "anonymous". In my mind these are hurting souls that the devil has slimed into..... I am so sorry. Your very actions and words tell a story of a Mom who loves her child with every fiber of her being!
Prayers for peace and unbroken skin for sweet Jonah. Prayers for you and Matt, you have been blessed with a special boy who is doing big work for God.

hugs to you............

Ma Ledford said...

Girl -I love to watch the Lord take the nastiness of this world and use it for His good! How awesome is He that He will take our lowest lows and continue to redeem us.

Keep on keeping on girl!

MITZI said...

"...the people who know their God will display strength and take action." Daniel 11:32b

Keep doing what you know is best or think is best for your son. You and Matt are wonderful parents. God loves you all so much.

Rose said...

I admire your strenth and perserverence! Hang in there girl!

God is so big, we are so little, so glad that HE took care of the blister so that you didn't have to.

I was cheering you on in your last post.

The book, Blessings and Curses sounds like it would be right up your alley, you should check it out!

Grape News said...

Yeah for you moving him! Hard I know, but you and he will sleep so much better! I had thought of posting that on your post regarding sleep, but didn't want to seem "know-it-all." :) I never had a bumper in my 2nd's crib--cuz I didn't want to clean it!!!!! :) I soooo agree w/ you: you are his mother. The decisions you make, you and no one else will be held accountable for them. It is no one else's business. You are doing GREAT!

Nicole said...

You will notice that none of those rude anon commenter's posted a comment on this post. Some of them need to apologize as well. They know they had no right to comment in the first place since they were specifically asked not to. You did the "Christian" thing when you wrote this post and poured out your heart. I hate the way people hurt others. Keep looking up!
We know you REALLY love Jonah, it's so obvious! You were obviously thinking of him when you made the choice to leave the bumpers in, so he would not be hurt from the hard railing. You also made sure to put fans in the room to keep the air circulating. This is one of the best things you can do to prevent your child from SIDS.
Maybe you should just turn off anonymous comments on posts like those so there is no arguments or "advice" that's unneeded.
Oh and that answer to prayer, awesome! I love it when God reveals Himself to us so plainly.

Amanda said...

Just wanted to be another reader giving you a thumbs up. You're doing a wonderful job with Jonah. It's AWESOME how God works--someone could be a CEO of a company and spend 10+ years reading and studying about that position--yet a mother is "born" with 2 essential tools---a baby and instinct. God gave us what we needed to fill the task before we ever got the job title "Mom".

God has just given some mothers a heavier load to carry, but we must carry it the only way we know how. Just because someone may carry theirs in a backpack over their shoulders doesn't mean that the person who put their load in a suitcase with wheels is wrong--it's just different. And different id beautiful in God's eyes.

You're very loved here Patrice--and to quote the QOTD (Quote Of The Day) here on your blog-----YOU ROCK!!!

Tanya said...

Hey Patrice, I see in your previous post that you mentioned having the ceiling fan on in Johahs room when he is sleeping. I wanted to let you know to be careful because if there is too much air movement in the room it will play with your motion sensor. I am assuming you have the Angelcare Monitor, which is what I have also, and when I have the ceiling fan on in my sons room, the Angelcare picks up the air movement, making it think there is movement in the crib. I found this out by someone else online, and I tried it myself by having the fan on, and the motion sensor on, but not having my son in the crib, and it did indeed pick up the air movement and the alarm did not go off like it should have. So I can't have the fan on when he is sleeping in there, for fear that it wouldnt alarm if he stopped breathing. I don't want to scare you, but wanted to let you know that the sensor will pick up the fan. Your Jonah is such a cute little blessing! Thank you so much with sharing your lives with all of us! God bless you all!
Tanya
JayandTanyaD@aol.com

Shellie and Family said...

You made my day... Thanks for this post. We are praying, praying, praying with and for you daily.

Elissa said...

refreshing reminder of who we all are in Christ. God helps us overcome that which satan uses to attack us. very sad that it involves other people sometimes, but your faithfulness to God will be rewarded.

M J said...

Patrice, I think you're an awesome mom! How much you love Jonah just comes through in everything you say. The bumpers... Don't worry about it! We used bumpers and have 2 beautiful daughters. We also had one who *gasp!* slept on her stomach. The long and short of it is that yes, there are some hard and fast rules to preventing things like SIDS, but there are also exceptions to every rule. My pediatrician actually gave us the OK for our youngest to sleep on her stomach due to severe refulx that would not enable her to sleep any other way. If you haven't had the chance to check out mckmama's blog lately, she's been getting it, too. Guess there's always going to be people who like to stir the pot. I'll be sure to add a bit of peace for you in my prayers tonight!

Misty said...

Unbelievably touching post, Patrice. I post rarely but read often and feel so led to comment today. I don't understand EB but I understand being a Mommy and I also understand judgement. While I have been (as a person, a wife, a mother, and a homeschooler) harshly judged, I know I am guilty of doing the same. Regardless of the fact that I am a Christian, I am human first. It would be amazing to be able to turn to the nearest church family in times of struggles for peace, comfort and unconditional acceptance, however, we likely will not find that alone. Not because all Christians are hypocrites but rather because all Christians are human. We are broken. We are sinners. I hope and pray that you are surrounded by understanding and accepting friends and family and that you feel that you are supported. And that you also have the support of a loving church family. I will also pray that you are not attacked again in the future, but most of us out here want to love and encourage you on this journey. Please feel the warmth of our concern and know that you are lifted up more than you know to the throne room of God Himself!

K said...

Amen Sister! Love. It.
Someone once asked me what I would think if I found out someone like Hitler was in Heaven (not that you are anything like Hitler, but you get the point. Hopefully.) and I said I would be even more amazed and in love with God. I wouldn't think that I no longer wanted anything to do with Christianity. No one is perfect. Period. The fact that there is a God who loves a fallen people and continues to love us when we're acting fallen is incredible. I love my Jesus!

P.S. I hope my point got across otherwise this comment could be really questionable.

Traci said...

Patrice, from one mother to another, you know in your heart that you're doing the BEST you possibly can w.Jonah. And b/c our BEST falls so short - I'm blessed as you are to know that my God is there to fill those voids of imperfections & shortcomings.

Jonah is so blessed to have such a brave & faithful mother. Thanks for sharing yourself & Jonah - a true blessing to so many.

Precious 3 said...

Wow. You have some AMAZING readers! I have been encouraged and brought to tears by several comments, and I didn't even read all of them. I don't think I can add much else in the way of encouragement,execpt to say I think you are doing an exceptional job. With all of the info you have shared about EB, and how you care for Jonah, it sounds like you are making all the right decisions. I know you've just been waiting for my approval, haha. I would also hate it if you chose not to post anymore. I pray for Jonah, and it's also great to see pictures, and hear what you guys are up to. And I love the Targaholic posts! If you have to change what you post, or shut off comments, that's totally understandable. Your blog, your choice. Oh, and I pray for you as I pray for Jonah :)

Precious 3 said...

Oh,one more thing, I have to agree with Christina's comment. It it people like YOU who encourage ME in my faith with God.

calle23 said...

You Rock! Just keep reminding your self of that!

Erin said...

Patrice, You have a beautiful spirit and it comes shining through in this blog.
And even though we may never really "know" each other, I enjoy getting to know you more with each post.

Country Roads said...

You are so inspirational and human just like the rest of us! You are an amazing mother and Jonah is lucky to have you and Matt as his parents!! We will pray for your family, each and every day!

Anonymous said...

With all of the opinions of everyone, I think that you are truely brave for continuing to post. I have not commented on your blog ever before but felt compelled to do so today. I have followed your story for quite sometime now and have thought and prayed for you all often. You have been an inspiration to me on so many different levels. My children are 19 and 15. Remembering the days of infancy. Sweet and tiring times! You have also inspired me to give myself a break! We all do the best we can and thankfully God covers the rest. You and your husband will do a great job raising Jonah and we all know he, too, is a child of God first! Bumper pads, blankets, first real food feedings, breast milk, formula, bed time, tv time, when to start school, who to play with, etc..!! No one really knows what is best!! We just have to do what we think is best and pray God covers the rest. I did look up some SIDS info and the site I read said that although it can happen up until 11 months it is predominant in ages 2 - 4 months. I can't imagine losing a child and I pray daily for my teenagers (teenagers as they are ;). My heart goes out to you all that have lost children. Jonah has been blessed by God to have been given to wonderful parents. You will continue to be great parents because you trust in God!!

Twinkletoes said...

Sorry that you felt the need to defend yourself. Anonomous posters stand, who are unwilling to stand behind their own identity, are not worth a second of your time. I am, again, sorry you had to deal with this.
Quite honestly, I loved your "angry" post - b/c it's true. If people don't like what they read or see here, or anywhere, then they have the right, the obligation to stop visiting the site! It's that simple!

Anonymous said...

You don't need to apologize for being angry. I'm sure you spend every minute of every day doing your best to meet your baby's needs. How dare someone imply you don't care about your child or know what's best for him! Back when I was having babies in the 1970's you were considered a bad mother if you didn't have bumpers in your crib! You have a legitimate reason for having them. I've been the parent of a daughter with Down's Syndrome for almost 40 years and it's hard to have a child who is different. It's amazing the stupid and hurtful things complete strangers will say to you. When my daughter was a baby someone walked up to me and said she looked like she had been hit in the face with a shovel. When she was about six, a stranger asked me if I knew my daughter was a mongoloid. When she was a teenager a neighbor kept insisting my daughter was autistic (she isn't). These days people look at me like I'm crazy when I give her age because she could pass for a 13 year old. It gets a lot easier to deal with this stuff over time - some day you'll even learn to laugh about it.

Nene said...

It had been a while since I blog stalked you and I had been thinking about Jonah (all the way here in Utah) so I pulled up the blog and read your last post and felt my heart deflate for you, but then fill up again at your bravery to remind everyone: this is you, your blog, your life, your words: DEAL with it or go away! But I won't go away - because it's actually people like you that make me have faith in Christianity even MORE! Not only are the bumper pads YOUR choice, they are so stinkin' cute! But not quite as cute as Jonah! So, as a long time lurker and first time commenter ---never change. Ever!

CHATTY CATHY 1975 said...

Hi Patrice - I'm not sure what was all written that upset you - but at the age of 33 - I know there are a LOT of self rightous people out there.

I think it's funny that many people who comment negatively do this anonymously... lol

And I wonder if someone who criticizes your choice to use a crib bumper has ever smoked a cigarette - or had a beer then gotten behind the wheel of a car - or "selfishly" let their baby fuss in the morning for an extra ten minutes of sleep. All of which "CAN" result in death.

I'm LOVING your bumper!! As the mom of 4 kids - I've used bumpers for some and not for others. WHY? Sometimes I had enough energy to put on a bumper - sometimes not.

My pediatritian gave me a link to a website that had the most up to date info on SIDS... and guess what... it's PROVEN that simply running a fan in the babys room (ceiling or otherwise) lowers the risk significantly.

So - since bumpers and blankets are still sold to be used in a crib - I'm gonna guess the powers that be still approve of their use.

And seriously - people - REALLY? REALLY REALLY??? Back the hell off. If there is a mom out there who has worried and lost sleep and worried some more - then lost sleep - and then worried about losing sleep - I BET THIS IS THE MOM!

Why don't you start a nice blog of your own - all about what Christianity REALLY is - and you can offer all your own personal opinions on crib bumpers and whats right and wrong. Then EVERYONE will be happy.

Patti said...

I think your "enough" email was well said. As a mother, you have every right to choose what is best for your child. There is no instruction manual, there are suggestions but no definitive right or wrong things and we each use our motherly intuitions to do what is best for our babies!

You have so much on your plate already, shame on other women who find the need to attack you. I dare them to spend one day in your shoes and still have the audacity to critique your choices.

I am irritated on your behalf! :)

Happy Thursday!!

mindy said...

so sorry for all of the "low" parts in your life recently. You are so strong and you will prevail. you are a WONDERFUL mother and I admire you.

Mindy

Cathy said...

I read often, comment infrequently.

I'm sorry you got so many upsetting comments. If they felt that strongly they were doing right, they would not have stayed anonymous (imo).

It's hard having a child with exceptional needs - I do too. And I face criticism for some of my choices. But all we can do is do what we believe is best for our children with the information we have at that time, and hope we're right.

Know that you're doing the absolute best you can, making educated choices, and no one can expect more.

Kennedi said...

Dear Patrice,
I have followed your blog since Jonah was born and prayer for you often. I felt compelled to write to you today. My heart broke for you as I read your latest blog entries. I truly cannot imagine the weight of the cross that you and Matt must carry. Although I too said goodye to my newborn child much too soon and shortly there after gave birth to another, we do not live with EB. I write today to tell you, that no one can criticize you and the choices that you make for your child. You are a wonderul mother, doing the best that you can under VERY difficult circumstances. You do not owe anyone an apology. You buried Gabe, you carried Jonah, you care for him with the his best intentions in the forefront of your mind. How sad tha another mother would sit in judgement, especially one that that is a member of our "club." God Bless you, and your amazing family. Jonah will look back at his life and see all that you have done for him and be proud to call you mom. Stay strong.

Jenn
jabreuklander@cox.net

Barbara said...

Dear Patrice and Matt, You are magnificent -- such beautiful children of God. I am amazed by the example that you are - at your best and at your worst. May your lives continue to bless our lives as you share the struggles of life with Jonah. May you feel the thousands who wrap their arms around you with love. Barbara

Tribulation said...

better words have never been spoken. so my sister in sludge saved by grace, kiss your little baby, and thank God that he is here with you and do not worry about the negative comments. "when the world hates you, remember it hatesd me before it hated you." john 15:18

So see, people like your annoying commenters can't say stupid stuff to Jesus so they take it out on us. the best thing you can do is pray for them. and try not to respond in anger. * it is not always easy i know*

Lisa said...

For I am doing something in your own day, something you wouldn't believe even if someone told you about it.

~ Habakkuk 1:5, NLT

God is working hard in your lives and satan hates that and will try to undo what God is doing, please do not listen to his lie's. you are a fantastic mom you are doing a wondrful job, your baby's sweet smiles are a testament to that fact. I think you should use your delete button more and don't even bother to read the comments or emails when they start to even look nasty, but I do think I am going to say some extra prayers to those who have nothing better then to say mean and hurtful things to a good mama, I know God would want that, and the devil hates that so keep up your spirits...and hug that BEAUTIFUL Jonah for us, Ps, my Sailor is 3 months maybe they could be cyber friends, every little boy needs a little girlfriend LOL

Anonymous said...

you are your husband are amazing and i pray for you and jonah!! just keep up the good work that you are doing!!

Robin said...

Hi Patrice,
I guess technically I am old enough to be your mom and so it is as a much older sister in Christ that I want to commend you on your christian walk and also your amazing mommy skills.When I read your "angry" post I felt that is was more like the reaction we have when our children get away from us while shopping... the I'm yelling at you because you scared me reaction. It was a BIG night for you and Jonah. You were able to muster up the courage to let him sleep in that crib and then somebody responds by telling you he will die if you leave the bumper pads in there. It was too much at once and you reacted normally.
You just keep on keeping on girl, because you're doing just fine and don't let anybody tell you otherwise.
As far as the people who want to sit back and wait for you to do something "questionable" in your christian life and then use it as their excuse for why they won't buy in, here is a little food for thought; church is a hospital for sinners more so than a shrine for saints!!
Love you dearly.
Robin in TX

Ms. Kid Magnet said...

This is the most beautiful post. I love it.

Anonymous said...

I'm sorry!! I was one of the ones who told you not to use a bumper and I'm sorry. I guess us loosing our son to SIDS makes me OVERLY sesitive to things like that. It's hard to see past the pain I carry and be rational after going through such a horrible loss. You know the same pain of loosing a baby and I'm so sorry. But other than yesterday I always leave you great comments and keep up with you three. I love Jonah, he makes me smile everytime I come to your blog and see his beautiful little face, especially his smile. You are a fantastic mother, and the two of you are doing great with him!!! I do apologize again, I promise I wasn't trying to start anything, just "passionate" about that subject. But I am so sorry!!! I feel so bad!!! Please forgive me.

-Just a stupid, big mouth, grieving mom

Anonymous said...

I write with thinking....you MUST not worry or be concerned with nasty people and their comments! So many people are lost and bound for hell, and they are so sad that the only thing they can do is run others down, it makes THEM feel better. I know this because I have a supervisor just like that. You need to talk to God and your husband and decide what is best for you family. Not what people think. I am thankful that you do post, I have followed since Jonah was born, and we pray for you and your family. Man CANNOT hurt you as long as you have God on your side. You put it perfectly! You are forgiven through grace, don't ever forget that.
I used a bummer pad and my daughter was healthy, do what is best for Jonah, not the world who know nothing about your situation!
We continue to pray from WI.

Michelle said...

Well, all I can say to the last couple posts is "wow"!! Wow at how some people can be hurtful in the name of "helpful", wow at your words, wow at the wonder of our God. You know, I've found in reading some blogs like yours, families with sick kiddos and such, is that there are some people who are just so hurt, and angry (usually rightfully so due to a sick child or worse) and they misdirect those feelings.

My point is, I think that some of the people leaving negative comments know deep down that no one was trying to be insensitive. They were sticking up for you, knowing that you've had a rough time. We all as moms have to do what's right for our kids. My daughter would only sleep on her belly. Does that make me a bad mom because I didn't "make" her sleep on her back? No.

And one final thing I've noticed, there are those out there that use things like this (and that comment you said) to not follow God. Because that's easier. It's easier to not follow Him, to not believe. Just believing in Him does not automatically make our lives easy (which really stinks at times). But He's always there for us. And this life is only temporary.

You're such an amazing mom. Don't ever forget it!!!

Michelle said...

Ok, I just read the "anonymous" post a couple up from my post. See!! Exactly what I'm talking about. It's not negative, not mean, just a little misdirected. A well-meaning momma that lost her baby.

And to the momma ~ I'm so sorry for your loss!!! Please know that we all are!

Erin said...

I felt bad when I read your post yesterday I hadn't read the post about the bumper pad, I didn't even know that anyone could think they were bad I had them for all three of my children who of course are all grown up now. I am so sorry that people were so insensitive and posted nasty things. Of all the mothers out there blogging who have sick children I have found that you are the most humble, you don't look for attention, you just share your heart and I just feel that you are just so genuine. Don't be so hard on yourself you have a right to moderate comments. I too have reacted quickly when I've been hurt I don't have a blog but my reactions have been to e-mails or in person confrontations. I keep trying to "respond" and not "react" but hey I haven't arrived yet. Even when you apologize it just so shows your heart towards God, you are so sweet and gentle you have been through more than most and have handled it so wonderfully! I'm grateful that I found your blog and you and your husband are wonderful parents to your precious Jonah.

angela said...

Hey Girl,
I am sorry that you are hurting. I am sorry for the pain others have inflicted on you with their hurtful comments. Yesterday in the "Word" I was reading something to the effect, "Let the harsh words of others fall of you." Anyway, I just wanted to make a hopefully helpful suggestion for you. Maybe not for the summer, but into the fall, I would recommend a slapsac (sleeping bag). I have 2, one year olds and I use them on both of them. Check out this website. http://www.perlimpinpin.com/en/acc_bamboo.php?id_next=7
They are incredibly soft and reduce the need for blankets and even possibly bumper pads.

Cathy said...

Patrice,

I just saw this online and thought of Jonah and his tongue blisters.

http://www.amazon.com/Innobaby-Nursin-Smart-Straw-Cup/dp/B002IBZM84/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=baby-products&qid=1249605253&sr=8-1

It's a straw cup that you can squeeze - so he doesn't have to suck on it. Would that help for feeding him when he's hurting and can't suck?

Anonymous said...

i just wanted to say that i am praying for the anonymous commenter for her loss. i also feel the need to say that all the mom's making comments about the bumpers, please stop. when i read the post i read "no comments please". not "no bad comments", or "only comments saying that you use them", i saw NO comments please. i think that everyone that felt the need to say anything about the bumpers need to apologize! instead on picking on the anonymous writers saying ha you don't have anything to say now, i say instead i'm praying for you and love you, i think that's what God would want us to do.
julie from arkansas

Maryellen said...

Patrice:
Gosh I understand just how you feel. I have a problem with driving and anger at the other drivers. I have this "thing" about them following the rules. You know, using blinkers, choosing the correct lane instead of cutting over into my lane after I waited in traffic, etc etc I start out my day so encouraged and happy than I hit the road and before I know it am ugly and spewing anger. I recently heard this statement and it has really impacted me and my attitude about allowing other people to effect me. The statement is: Stop allowing other peoples bad choices to make you unhappy. WOW opened my eyes.

Your correct who cares what other unkind people write on your blog. Don't allow their bad choices to make you unhappy and ruin your day.

I have no children as I was married at 48. But I can tell you I have never seen such a terrific Mom as you are to Jonah.

Try not to let these unkind people steal one more second of your time, thoughts or day.

We can do this together. I will try to stop being the traffic police (hah) too.

Keep your eyes on Jesus,
In Love,
Maryellen
New Jersey

maddog said...

And in the end we all do what we think is best for our children no matter what other people say or think. You are no different. Keep being the good mom that you are.

Anonymous said...

I have anon. stalked your blog since Jonah was born. I just wanted to say you have no reason to make an apology to anyone. This is your child, your world and your reality. You are an educated God fearing mama that is doing the best for HER child. I think it's best going forward that if anyone wishes to make a nasty comment they ought to tell a co-worker (if they HAVE a jo, a friend or loved one and spare the rest of the cyber world. You are spot on, if your life bothers others they need not read along. Losing a baby is a horrible unspeakable tragedy-no one can deny that...it is very clear that you would never do a thing to demean someone elses loss.
Keep up your wonderful faith, I wish I had 1/100th of the belief you present!
Good luck little Jonah man with the sleeping...you'll get there! Remember this whole parenting thing is a race not a sprint...one step at a time is all we can ask for with our little ones, even if that step is sometimes in the WRONG direction!?!?!

ashpuck said...

If we were friends in real life, I would come over and give you a hug.
Then rock Jonah so you could take a nap.

This will have to do (((Hug)))

~Ashley

Mindy said...

I needed that sermon for myself today. Thanks Patrice!! Love You!

brightleigh said...

Props, girlfriend--props!

Love you!

Kristy said...

Sinners, saved by grace, Daughters of the King!

I follow your blog and must say that I can't believe anyone would question your love for your precious son. I personally think you rock! Chin up.

Amber said...

Girl, what can I even say? I understand. I have had moments like that where I felt pursued by satan. I can remember after months of unsuccessful fertility treatments and my second miscarriage, I went to church looking for hope one Sunday, only to learn that THREE of my friends were pregnant. THREE. I was so devastated.

And just so you know, both of my babies slept with bumpers. :) I think in the south (I'm in NC too), people are a little different about all that. Don't get me wrong... I am all about protecting my babies. But both of them slept with a soft blanket swaddling them and had a bumper in their crib. We tried without the bumper and it was disastrous.

All this to say, I love your blog. I love your sweet baby boy. And I hope sometime we can meet. :)

gina said...

You don't have to say you are sorry. I love reading your blog. You are making the right decisions for Jonah. Hang in there. Try to just ignore comments that are offensive. I know that is much easier said, than done.

the-mommy-person said...

I'm so sorry for what you've been put through. Anyone who would look at your life and think, 'Hey, she needs more drama,' should be ashamed of themselves. OF COURSE you didn't mean to offend or upset anyone. God bless you and Matt and Jonah and every moment that passes and every breath taken. God bless your faithfulness even in the midst of the most fiery daggers flying through the Internet. God IS using you and your blog for great things, His great things. Hugs.

Anonymous said...

THAT WAS THE MOST BEAUTIFUL,HAUNTINGLY HONEST,AND PAINFUL POST I'VE EVER READ.
AMEN
PRAYERS ALWAYS,
2SHOES
(I USED ALL CAPS CAUSE I CAN'T FIND MY GLASSES...I'M REALLY WHISPERING)

Virginia said...

To the anon- Julie in Arkansas. She did not say "no comments please" She said, "keep it to yourself about the bumper and blanket in the crib, I don't want to hear it" which obviously was meaning she didn't want people bashing her decision to use them. Which she got anyways, unfortunately. Those people DO need to apologize (minus the one who lost her child and already apologized), especially the ones saying "If you REALLY care about Jonah" etc... That was just plain rude. She knows about SIDS but she knows what those hard railings would do to her child too. It makes sense that she would choose to use them.

And no, I'm not picking on the anonymous commentors, they were picking on Patrice. And yes, I will pray for them (and you too).

Sharon and Michael said...

Patrice,

I can't believe someone would complain and get ugly by your choices for your own son. Mean people will nasty away someday. :) LOL Keep doing what you know is in Jonah's best interest. That is why God gave him to YOU and Matt. Because He gives you the answers for this sweet precious boy. No one can even guess to understand what you endure to keep Jonah halthy, so, don't pay any attention to those who haven't walked in yoru shoes. I have SN kids and have to remember that too.

Anonymous said...

Patrice,
I am so sorry for the mean comments that someone made; you just don't deserve that. Your comments and relationship with Jesus have been a strong witness to me and I am sure to many others. God is working through you, Matt and Jonah to show the world how merciful he really is to his children.

Sandra

Melissa said...

I love you, Patrice!

Amyb99 said...

Hi Patrice - I have never posted before, but have followed Jonah's story since he was born. I just had to post though and say that you and Matt are amazing parents and that I pray for Jonah each and every day. I pray for healing, for strength and for peace. I pray that God will protect you and shelter you from Satan's advances. You are right in that Satan is the driving force behind people who post nasty, hurtful things. I just cannot imagine any other reason why people would do such things.

Anyhow, just know that you and your family are prayed for and thought of often.

God bless.

Beverly said...

It's just incredulous to me that people leave nasty comments on your blog. MckMama has apparently been dealing with the same thing lately. So sad! You girls are SUCH a blessing. I know Satan would love to discourage you and stop the positive expressions of faith you share on your blogs. BOO HISS

Read a post I wrote last month entitled SHUT UP! I'M PRECIOUS. You might get a kick out it - and even adopt the mantra - GRIN.

I've just read Jennifer Rothschild's wonderful little book, Self Talk, Soul Talk. Has really helped me in learning to deal with the negative input from self and others. It's a great read.

God gave me Jonah as an intercession assignment when he was first born. I delight in every new picture of your precious son. As I have prayed for you over the last few months, God has given me a great love for you and Matt as well. May blessings untold be yours this day, sweet daughter!

nennermommy said...

Hi HOn, I just can't imagine what your poor little guy goes through and as a mom wanting the best for your children it is very hard to see them hurt...I am so sorry! I am going to say I think people have deep down good intentions in saying take the bumber out BUT as a mom you know what your baby needs. I would put up a bumper in your case! My mother worked in Pedatrics office when I was growing up for 14 years she is now a Shock trama nurse and she was a sleep on stomach sleep with her bumper mommy. I personally believe we all just need a reason things happen when we don't understand why? Thats why things keep getting band! There is NO proof of what causes SIDS, thats why its called SIDS. Every baby is in danger of SIDS from the moment they start breathing. (Its all in GODS hands) I Respect your decision 100% YOu are his mother and good job on making that clear!!!!!! I am so sad people hurt your feelings, There is nothing worse that someone making you feel like your a bad mom...YOU ARE NOT! YOUR AMAZING!!! I love your blog!

Mae said...

Beautiful, marvelous post.
I am thanking God that His mercies are indeed new. How blesses I am to be a daughter of the King. And blessed to "know" you and your family through your willingness to share this blog.

Miranda said...

This is the very first time that I have ever read this post and I could not believe some of the things these people said. No matter what causes an infant to succomb to SIDS it is NEVER a mother or fathers fault. Furthermoreit seems with all the "research" done by the "professionals" out there the only thing that you could ever do to protect your baby is to put them in a plastic bubble. They do NOT know what causes babies to have SIDS so how can anybody say that blankets and bumpers absolutely cause it?? Furthermore, I'm sure that the people leaving the negative comments slept with a pillow & bumper pad. I personally know I rode in the back window of vehicles, didn't wear a helmet on a bike, and who knows I may have even lived in a house with lead paint "gasp". They make helmets for kids learning to walk, safety things for everything, and so much "research" on how to be the perfect mother that some are too busy being busy bodies to get down to it. The only thing that I can say is that the mothers who have lost children to SIDS should be understand and not prosecuting others. They know the pain so reach out and be supportive not b**chy when giving unsolicited advice next time. Words given in love are much better recieved than words given with hate....all I can say is shame on you for the things you said to a mother who has already been through so much and was already down. You have been there before and know what rude comments feel like in your heart!

Joanne said...

Thank you for your honesty, you have struck a cord deep in my heart. You have blessed me by your truthful reminder.

I will continue to pray for your wee family.

With Love in Christ, a Grammie in Vancouver