they just keep getting better

Names from the past couple weeks:

Stanette Bumpass
Ginger Sapp (get it?... like the cookie)
Chicicka Kakeele
And last, but certainly not least, Shafreeka Shananna Sahora

Too bad these are all girl names. What in the world will I use to inspire my choice of boy names? Maybe I could just take the -a off the last one and have myself a little Shafreek. What do you think?

(I tried to spell check this post... what a joke!)

stellan is here - praise God!

Many of you have probably noticed the prayer button in the right top-hand corner of my blog. I have been following Stellan and MckMama's story for months now. You need to read the account for yourself, but it basically boils down to this:

13 weeks ago, MckMama was told that her son (whom she was pregnant with) would surely die. He had an irreversible heart condition, there was nothing they could do, and they were expecting him to be dead within a matter of days. A HUGE prayer movement began for little Stellan. Three weeks later, she was released from the hospital. Stellan's heart condition had somehow, some way, with no medical explanation, reversed itself. His heart was beating normally. They continued to watch both mom and baby for the last 13 weeks. Most of the time Stellan was scoring at least an 8 out of 10 on his bio-physical profiles. God had performed a great miracle!!! He was scheduled for a C-section today, at 9:30 central time. The NICU was already prepared for his arrival. He still had an enlarged heart, according to ultrasound.

Please, please go to her blog to see how it's all turning out and to see pictures of that beautiful miracle! And don't forget to pray for Stellan!!!

How great is our God!

19 week pictures

Okay, these are pictures of pictures, so they are not that clear. If I didn't use the flash, they turned out blurry (blurrier - is that a word? - than they are by nature), and if I did use the flash, it washed them out. I'm captioning underneath to give you some clue... Good luck. I was there, live and in person, and half the time I didn't know what I was looking at.

Side profile - head to the left, then body, and you can see his knees tucked up at the top right.

Looking at him head on. Head, then body, with his left arm kind of waving at you on the right side of the picture.

One of his feet. Can you see his toes?

It's a boy! See? What? You can't tell? What's your problem? I really don't know how to explain this one. It's of his butt (on the right side of the picture) with his wee-wee showing in between the tops of his legs... ugh, never mind.

Oh, an explanation of the not feeling movement: The ultrasound technician said that I have an Anterior Placenta (see Katherine's comment on the previous post), meaning that the placenta is lying at the front of my uterus, between me and the baby. Essentially, it is as if he is punching and kicking into a pillow, which explains why I can't feel it. We're going to have to give it a couple more weeks for him to get bigger and his movements to get stronger before I'll be able to feel them. It's all very interesting, but I feel it's just one more test of my faith. I have to TRUST that he is there and real and alive and well, even when I can't keep an eye on him or feel him moving around. Some days it is easy (like yesterday and today) and sometimes it will be hard (check with me next week when I'm sure I'll have let my paranoia flare up again.) Thank you so much for your continued prayers. Between the comments on my blog, emails, phone calls and texts, I knew you were with us... AND STILL ARE! You guys are my heroes!

God is good

Can't chat long, but just wanted to let you all know that the ultrasound went great today! And guess what? IT'S A... HEALTHY BABY! The baby actually measured 19 weeks and two days, so growth is great. All of its little organs and everything look perfect. We actually could see (AND COUNT) 10 toes. It had its little ankles crossed... so cute. It even scratched its face at one point... (which I'm pretty sure was NOT a scratch and was, in fact, a little wave to its mommy and daddy). And by the way, it's a boy! (See, I told you, NO motherly instinct whatsoever).

Psalm 17:
I call on you, O God, for you will answer me; give ear to me and hear my prayer.
Show the wonder of your great love, you who save by your right hand those who take refuge in you from their foes. Keep me as the apple of your eye; hide me in the shadow of your wings... And I—in righteousness I will see your face; when I awake, I will be satisfied with seeing your likeness.

gabe

Gabe would be six months old today.

I miss you, buddy. I hope you feel me loving all over you from way down here. I can't wait to see you. I'm glad you don't feel the waiting. I'm trying to be patient, but it sure is hard. But you won't even know the difference, and that makes me so happy for you. I've always been happy for you. I wish I could see the six-month-old you, but I'll always treasure the you I got to see and the you that shines in His glory. I'll be there before you know it, and then we'll have all of eternity to spend together - that's a pretty amazing thought. I love you.

we need you

It has been a long time since I've posted. I am working A LOT and am so tired in the evenings, I don't venture up the stairs to post. I was going to this past weekend, but then our computer had a "fatal system error" and blacked out. We thought it was toast, but took it to a place and they were able to restore it and recover our files. Hooray for saving tons and tons of pictures that weren't backed up!

Are you praying? We need you. I have been in tears several days over the last two weeks, so concerned about the baby I can barely stand it. I am in almost constant mental turmoil, sick with worry. I am not proud of it, and I feel ashamed that I do not trust God more and am not relying more on his peace.

What has triggered all of this (besides the obvious loss of Gabe) is lack of movement on the baby's part... or at least lack of me feeling it. I KNEW I was feeling Gabe move at 17 1/2 weeks. I am now almost 19 weeks and have yet to feel the baby move (or at least enough that I've been able to identify it as that). I am very scared, and I know that it is Satan's attack on me. I have succumb to imagining every bad scenario to explain the baby's lack of movement. I know it's probably all in my head, but I'm scared and worried and sad and just... tired. I am weak.

We were supposed to have our ultrasound on Tuesday, but I called them today and asked if they could move it up. Being ever so wonderful, they have moved my ultrasound to Friday morning at 9:30. Normally people are excited about this because they want to find out the gender, but I want - no - NEED to see its heart beating, that its heart, lungs and vital organs are functioning, and that its little body is growing like it is supposed to. I care about nothing else. I want to see that our baby is okay.

Please, please be praying for us now, Friday morning, and in the months to come. I'm desperate for God's peace, mercy, and care of my baby. I'm afraid to pray that His will be done, because I don' t know what that means for our family. I want MY will. I want a healthy child.

I am broken. I am deep in the valley. Please pray that regardless of the outcome, Matt and I will soon be heading up the mountain. Thank you for your love and for going to the Father on our behalf. We are so appreciative.

And, hey, if you want to share some of your burden with me, I'll be glad to take it on. I'd so much rather be focusing on yours than mine. You are carrying me; I will be glad to help carry you.

Love you all,
Patrice

happy birthday sarah!

Sarah's birthday was yesterday. She's 21 now! That makes me feel REALLY old.

This weekend she's going camping with these silly kids at Fall Creek Falls.

I love you, buttface.

i WANT pizza

The first week at the new job was a success! There are only three of us in the office, and I have the privilege of working with two of the nicest most Godly women I've ever met. They are fabulous! I attempted to create my first poster on Publisher. It was not hard to use, but I'm not good at design, and it has ended up looking really busy and confusing. I'm ashamed to call myself my brother's sister, and really just want to send it to him, pooch out my lips in a pitiful-like way and get him to do it for me. Wouldn't they be impressed??? :)

Meanwhile at the Board of Elections...
This week's best names: Ditsy Marie and Queen Esther

Yesterday I got myself all worked up, just convinced that the baby was not okay. I guess there will be days like this: days that I feel completely anxious, unnerved, and out of control. I called my doctor's office, and they let me come in to hear the heartbeat... a beautiful sound! I felt stupid for going in (especially since I have an appt this coming Monday), but it was going to be a very LONG weekend worrying. Feeling ridiculous is worth some peace of mind. My nurse (Sandy) who was with us the day we found out we lost Gabe and the two wonderful receptionists (Linda and Cynthia) reassured me that this is very normal. They told me that it is okay to be paranoid and that I should come in WHENEVER I start feeling that way. (They are all a HUGE blessing in my life). I think I will be okay once I can feel the little one moving around in there... should be in the next couple weeks.

I continue to be amazed at what God is doing in my life DAILY!

Tomorrow I'm going into the BOE for about four hours to work. We need the money and they need the help. I'm not so excited about working on a Saturday, but if I can get there by 8:30, I'll be done by midday. That won't be so bad.

On Sunday, Peyton and the kids are coming, and we are all going up to my Uncle Raymond's for a mini family reunion with my dad's side of the family. I'm actually really looking forward to it, as I haven't seen many of them in years. And it's always GREAT to hang with the kiddos. Hopefully I'll remember to take pictures.

I have to go. Matt just got in from mowing the yard, and the baby wants Pizza Hut! And we can't deny the baby now, can we?