Friday, December 18, 2015

Precious Vanessa

This was Vanessa's status earlier today.

This morning:

I woke up early this morning in a panic because I couldn't find Anton. I couldn't remember which bed I put him in to sleep. Then I realized he was gone and my heart broke all over again...

I can normally get though the day okay but waking up in the mornings is the worst. It's when I first wake up that it hits me... That it really happened and he isn't here...

I miss him so much.

This evening:

Anton's plane just landed in Texas. I know he is in Heaven but the thought of his little body being in a different state than me is too much to handle.

Guys, can you even imagine? I can a little. I remember the morning after Gabe's funeral was the worst - realizing that I could never touch or feel him again... never again hold him in my arms. Now to imagine having to do that with a child I got to know and love about breaks my heart in two. Will you pray for my dear friend? Mornings are the absolute worst, and if you've ever lost someone so close to you, you know that feeling when you wake up and realize it's NOT a nightmare and the grief physically presses in on you to the point where you feel like you can't breathe. And you relive it all again, and it's almost too much to bear.

My body is in North Carolina but parts of my heart are in Minnesota and Texas. I can divide mine into three parts. Hers is shattered into a million pieces. Will you pray for my friend?

Many have asked how to help, and Vanessa has requested that as people feel led, to please contribute to Dr. Tolar's continuing groundbreaking research. When you would ask Anton what he wanted to be when he grew up, he would say that he wanted to be just like Dr. Tolar and find a cure for EB. His research and trial are the closest thing we've ever had to a cure. We are close. I can feel it. And Anton was a part of that.

If you would like to contribute in honor of Anton, to help realize his dream, you can do so HERE (you can also read more details here as well). 

Thank you for your continued prayers for peace and comfort. They will be moving back to Texas on Tuesday so please be in prayer for all of that too. They're having to say goodbye to their Minnesota family and their home for the last 10 months and going home without Anton. 

Lord, wrap them tightly. Fill those grief suffocating spaces with your life giving breath and sustenance. Hem them in on all sides and make each moment bearable enough to survive to the next. Give them moments of joy in the mourning. Moments of laughter in the sadness. Fill their hearts with the joy of who Anton was and comfort them in their brokenness.


Shawna Barlette said...

The world's heart is breaking too. There must be millions like me who have witnessed the beauty and light these children bring to the world. I hope a cure for this horrible disease is on the horizon.

Galen said...

Father, Anton is with you, and we are thankful for our Savior's gift of eternal life. A sword has pierced Anton's mother's heart, so that pain, sorrow, and dread engulf her each morning when she awakens. Lord, please meet her there and comfort her with your powerful, loving presence. Please strengthen her for the day ahead and walk with her through every moment and challenge, as you bind up her broken heart and bring her your peace. You have promised that your mercy and grace are new every morning and sufficient for the day. We are thankful for your faithfulness. As life moves on, please help us to remember Vanessa and her family and keep them in our prayers. In Jesus' name we pray. Amen.

Toni :O) said...

I'm so sorry to read this, so heartbreaking. I'm sorry for your loss and for his family. So many people I know are suffering and it is truly heart wrenching. I do remember the story and how wonderful they were able to make that little guy feel very loved these last few years. That's the biggest blessing. Thoughts and prayers with you all.

Unknown said...

Anton's story is the story of the redemption of all mankind... covered in scars, body broken, yet he was CHOSEN by this precious family to be their son, their brother. They loved him in spite of those things, and they saw his beauty shining through. Because of their love, he was adopted into their family and made whole emotionally. And because of his Heavenly Father's love, he was adopted into the family of God and is now made whole physically too. God bless this family as they grieve the loss of their beautiful boy until they see him again for eternity.

This Oregon Girl said...

I am so sorry for the loss of Anton. I have been following your blog for a while now and it breaks my heart to read this. I am sending prayers, love, and light to you and Anton's family.

Melissa said...

Keeping this sweet family in my prayers. My heart is simultaneously broken for their suffering, and in awe of the miracle of family. Anton's story could have been so different. Instead he was placed with a family who were by his side as he passed from this world to the next, surrounded by love and comfort. God is so good. In the midst of such grief, God is good. Believing He will buoy this family up as they walk this path. <3