I have felt under attack the last couple of weeks. I'm not sure what it is or what exactly has happened. I'm craving the Word like never before, excited about what God shows me every day when I spend time with him, being changed by Beth Moore's "Believing God" study, desiring Godly, mature Christian women's guidance in my life...
But shwoo. I have been involved in more drama in the last few weeks than I have since middle school. Some of it my fault. Some of it not. And for the most part, my intentions have been good. And then somehow something gets said or something gets taken out of context or turned around, and all of a sudden, I'm feeling attacked or misjudged and act like a hot head, spouting off and making things not-at-all-Jesusy.
I'm not sure how it keeps happening.
Learning humility stinks. I guess that's a lesson no one can learn the easy way. Just the nature of humility I guess. Maybe the only way to learn it is to mess up, fall down, and seek Him to make it all better. Honestly, I'm just trying to love Jesus. That's all I want to do in the whole world.
I had the opportunity on Sunday night to speak at a friend's church's women's ministry get together. It was so amazing. God was so very present, and I could just feel the Holy Spirit filling the room. But wouldn't you know it, I was asked to speak several weeks ago and as soon as I said yes is when all these weird, dramatic situations started arising.
Satan did not want me to give that talk.
But you know what? The Holy Spirit so filled that room on Sunday night, there was no room for Satan there. I'm certain he was bound up somewhere outside those doors.
God is so good, y'all. I hope to be able to share what I talked about in the coming days. It won't be the same though. I wish you could have been there. Although I've had a couple of opportunities to speak before, I feel like this is the first time it was a bible study type situation - where I got to read verses and truly and openly tell all about how God has been so faithful to us and specifically how He has worked in our lives. In my previous speaking engagements, although I've talked generally about God, they have been settings where I have had to filter/limit/cut back on the God talk. I really got to give God his due Sunday night (as much as one humanly can, I guess) and I was so very thankful for the opportunity to share His goodness and faithfulness, in detail.
I encourage you to uphold God's word, be strong in your faith, don't ever back down from what you know to be Truth, but to be careful to do all things in love. And for goodness sakes, don't be a hot head like some people I know. Ahem.
I LOVED today's devotional from Proverbs 31. If any of this resonates with you, I would encourage you to read it.
These two scriptures spoke so clearly to my heart and once again, helped me refocus, regroup, and realize that I still have so much growing to do.