Sunday, February 27, 2011

happy birthday, jonah

My Sweet Jonah,

I can't believe it but today you turn two years old. Jonah, I wish I could tell you how how much these last two years have meant to Daddy and me. When you were born, we didn't even know if we had even one year. And we have tried to enjoy every single day. The truth is, we don't know how long we have you, and you don't know how long you have us, but I think that makes every day even sweeter. 

Two years ago today, we were filled with excitement and hope. But when you were born, we tottered precariously, somewhere between joy that you were alive and despair that you might not be long. It was a strange road, and honestly, the first six months are mostly a blur. I feel like we were all in survival mode, trying to help you grow and thrive (and force-feeding you) and keeping up with all the bandage changes, puke fests, and doctors' appointments.

But now, Jonah. Now, things have settled. Daddy and I have a better routine. You have a g-tube. Things have gotten easier. Not because things have changed so much, but just that we have all settled in to our "normal," and God has worked on us A LOT. Glorifying HIM is our purpose. Finding Joy and Contentment in all things is our purpose. Reaching out to and helping others is our purpose. You have opened so many doors. And now, we can't wait to see where God will take us through those doors. We just want you to grow up loving your God and loving other people. I think God, through your EB, will give you an extra heap of understanding, compassion, and sensitivity to what others suffer, and I can't wait to see how He uses you and your story.

Please don't misunderstand me. If I could take away your pain and your EB, if I could take it on myself so you could be free of it, I would in a heartbeat. I HATE that you are in pain. I hate the physical suffering you have to endure, and the emotional suffering you will have to endure because you are "different." But Baby, I want to tell you right now, today, at two years old, that you are THE MOST BEAUTIFUL and AMAZING person I have ever known. The way you face your pain and all that you have to endure is beyond amazing. YOU CHOOSE JOY, Sweet Jonah. What a lesson to all of us.

While we're busy whining and complaining about how things aren't going our way, you are showing us to look beyond ourselves. I know you'll face hard times. I know this life won't be easy for you. But you know what? God doesn't promise us easy. He doesn't promise us "fair." But He promises that He will be with us every step of the way. We are never alone. YOU are never alone, Jonah. 

Thank you, Sweet Boy, for the love you've given us over the last two years. Thank you for what you've taught us, for who you're becoming, for the JOY you've brought into our lives. 

Our prayer for you is that you'll always turn to God for your strength and purpose. Our love for you is only a fraction of how He loves you. And I, even, find that hard to believe. Because I don't feel like I could love you even one more ounce. You are the best thing that's ever happened to me.

Happy Birthday, Baby. 

All my love forever,

Fear not, for I have redeemed you. I have called you by name. You are mine. - Isaiah 43:1

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