it begins...

I think this kid is the cutest. You may have seen him on America's Got Talent. I don't watch that show. It totally annoys me, but the clip of Future Funk (this kid, Miles, and another little cutie) bustin' a move was adorable. But I saw Miles first on Ellen, and I fell in love. (You can skip to the 2:22 mark to see him dance if you don't have time to watch the interview... although it's pretty cute too.)

After I saw this, I immediately rewound and DVRed it to show Matt. I made him watch it, and then said, "I want to be his Mommy." Matt said, "I understand that, but he already has parents." Of course I was joking (sort of), but I do have a strong urge in my heart (and always have) to adopt a child. Certainly I would prefer one who doesn't already have parents. :)

After Gabe died, I had no plans to get pregnant right away. It had taken us a year and a half to get pregnant with him, so I certainly didn't expect to be pregnant in ten weeks. But God had a different plan and here we are. And I wouldn't have it any other way. But when Jonah was born and we found out about Epidermolysis Bullosa and got our questions answered as to why Gabe had died, we were broken hearted. Although we only have a 25% chance of having a baby with EB, we are two for two, and there is NO WAY we would take that chance. We would never voluntarily risk putting another child in this much pain. And honestly, I cannot IMAGINE caring for two EB children. EX.HAUST.ING.

I have a point... stick with me.

Needless to say, at the ripe old age of 27, I knew I would never again have a biological child of my own. I was very, very sad... but only for a little while. And then I got excited about the possibilities. For a while Matt and I discussed Embryo Adoption. If you don't know (I didn't), Embryo Adoption is where you adopt frozen fertilized eggs of folks who have gone through IVF but have leftover embryos after having all the kids they want. Embryo Adoption is a way to give birth to that life, instead of having to destroy fertilized eggs... or leave them in storage indefinitely. While I think this is an AWESOME option (I mean, I'd get to be pregnant, give birth, and nurse the baby... just as if it were biologically mine), I'm just not sure it's for us. With this option, they often implant two embryos, so there is a possibility of twins. Can you imagine us having an EB child AND newborn twins? I mean, we could do it. We would do it. We would be ecstatic about it. But man, thinking about it, not in the situation, makes me want to crawl under the covers. On the other hand, there's also a possibility that you would adopt and they would implant the embryos and neither one would result in a viable pregnancy. Too much heartache.

And the more we've thought about it and the more we've prayed about it, the more we lean toward traditional adoption. It's in both our hearts to give a child, living without a forever family, a stable, loving home. Don't get me wrong. It's not that Jonah is not enough. He's more than we could ever hope for and WAY more than we deserve. It has nothing to do with wanting a "normal" kid or not feeling complete. It's simply that we feel called to adopt. Period.

Have you ever tried to google adoption? I don't recommend it. It is completely overwhelming. There are so many different types of adoption, so many different ways to adopt, so many agencies... it's so confusing. I am so lost. And I almost feel silly even looking into it. Matt and I are not in a place where we would be ready to have a second child tomorrow. But one, two, five years down the road... whenever God tells us it's time, well, we want to be ready. If we're possibly looking at a several year process, I want to start educating myself now. So that's where I found (find) myself... lost but ready to start looking into it.

Enter God.

Last Thursday night, my mom and Shaina watched Jonah, and Matt and I got to go on a date night. We were eating at Mellow Mushroom downtown (OH MY WORD... that is some goooooood pizza). Anyway, it was a really nice night (maybe the last non-sweltering one we had?), and we decided to sit outside. Mellow Mushroom is right on a main road downtown, and people are constantly walking by. All of a sudden, a sweet lady and her husband walked by, and she introduced herself and said she read the blog. I rambled and stuttered and said something about giving Jonah a haircut, she said she was praying for Jonah. That was about the extent of the conversation. But the next day I saw she had left a comment on the blog. So I went to her blog and guess what? SHE IS A HUGE ADVOCATE FOR ADOPTION. Funny how things work out like that huh? I'm sure it was just a coincidence.

Her first son was adopted from Guatemala, and she has been involved in fundraising efforts and awareness for others who are interested in adopting. My heart started fluttering as soon as I got to her blog. I knew that it had God written all over it. And although I've been completely delinquent in emailing (sorry, M), we have plans to get together for lunch soon.

So that's where we are - planning, hoping, excited that one day, in God's time, Jonah will have a little (or big) brother or sister. We don't care about race, nationality, domestic or international. We'll see what God has in mind, but I guess, at this point, age is the biggest thing we talk about. We'll probably focus mostly on ages one to four years, but like I said, we're open to what God has in store. I don't know where we'll get the funds to adopt. But I do KNOW that God will provide what we need when we need it, and it will work out... when it's supposed to. But for now he's divinely given me a new friend, and that's where we'll start.

I've been thinking about it a lot lately (for months, even), and I just wanted to share my thoughts with you. Thank you for being with us on this journey. Though our family (a Heaven child, a here-on-Earth special needs child, and a future child who is or will be out there waiting for us) may not fit the typical definition, it's GREAT to me. It's the messy that God makes the most beautiful. We'll take it.