Wednesday, April 22, 2009


My dear, sweet Gabe,

Today is your one year birthday. I honestly can’t believe it’s been a whole year since I finally saw your beautiful face and held you in my arms. I still remember how warm and cuddly you felt, and I miss holding you every minute of every day. We were so excited about having you, our first child. Your name means “devoted to God,” and you are, aren’t you buddy? I wouldn’t call you back here if I could, even though I want to so badly. But I bet you are having such a great time. I can’t wait to see you in Heaven, and I hope you’ll do me the favor of meeting me at the gates. I’ll have waited long enough.

I figure you know everything that’s going on down here, and I want to thank you so much for talking to God and Jesus and asking them to help and heal Jonah. I know you have a hand in all of this, and I honestly don’t think people would be so touched by his story if they didn’t know your story first. It’s actually just one, big story, and it started with you. I know God is doing a big work through both of my boys, and I’m so proud of you for being such a big part of His plan. I don’t know why He chose you, but I’m so honored that He did.

A lot has happened this year. Mommy and Daddy have had a pretty rough go of it, but have also been blessed beyond measure. We’ve grieved you every day, endured the longest eight months of our lives being pregnant with Jonah, and had to quickly come to terms with a different “normal” than what we were expecting with his EB. We know that’s probably what you had to, and we are glad that you never had to feel any pain – that you went straight from mommy’s belly to the arms of Jesus. I imagine every day what you might be doing there – how great it must be – and aching for the day when I can join you. Thank you for showing up at the beach this summer and for the message you sent me through Nana on Mother's Day. I can feel you here with us, and I’m so glad to know you’re still around. I hope we make you proud.

I told Jonah today that he was going to wish for many things in his life – that he was going to want many things to be different – that he was going to think a lot of things were very unfair. But one thing I told him was that daddy and I would always make sure that he never wishes he had a different set of parents. He’ll never think he’s not loved or cared for or adored. I hope you know that we would have loved you (DO LOVE YOU) the very same way. And although I know you are with the best parent ever, I hope we would have come in a close second. I hope you know how much we love you and care about you. We will never, never, never forget you. As long as we have breath to breathe, we will tell your story. You will be the chapter where life started to have real meaning – where we stopped being so selfish and started living for something bigger. You will be the chapter that taught us unconditional love, hope in the midst of terrible sadness, peace that passes all understanding, and living for heaven, in a way we never had before. You may be my most favorite chapter.

I hope you are having fun playing with Kindred, Emory, Audrey Caroline, Luke and so many other babies that have been taken up to Heaven too early. I truly believe each one of you holds a special place in God’s heart , and I smile when I think about you having so many beautiful and PERFECT playmates. Satan never touched any of you. You never had to feel anger or guilt or greed or lust or temptation – any of the things that make this fallen world such a nasty place. You never messed up. You were perfect, unblemished, white as snow. How many of us can say that? And now Jesus tucks you in at night. What a lucky boy you are.

We never got to hear you cry or see you smile. We never got to take you to Church or on a walk or to a Wake game... never got to see the man you’d become. There were so many plans we had for you. But God’s plan was different, and that’s okay. I’ll never understand it. I’ll never like it. But I accept it. People say they’ll take all these questions to Heaven to ask God. But I won’t. I think when I get to Heaven, I won’t have to ask. I’ll just know and understand, and it won’t matter anymore anyway, because we’ll have ETERNITY to hang out. And that’s all I’ll need.

Today, Daddy, Jonah, and I will celebrate your birthday. We’ll celebrate the 37 weeks we had with you, the day the angels carried you to Heaven, the day we finally got to hold you, the day that was the saddest and happiest days of our lives. We’ll go out to your spot, send you some balloons, feed the ducks, work in your garden, tell Jonah all about you. I hope you’ll see us celebrating you, and that it will be just one more thing to add to your happiness. Jonah will always know he has a big brother. He’ll always know your picture. We’ll tell him all about you. I’ll sing him the songs I sang to you.

Thank you for looking down on us. Thank you for asking God to watch over us. Thank you for being our son. I consider myself the most blessed mommy ever. I’ll never forget you, buddy.
Happy First Birthday, sweet baby Gabe. We miss you more than we could ever say. I ache for the day you’ll be in my arms again. And if Jesus comes before I make it home, I hope to see you riding with Him when He returns. I’ll be looking for you. Either way, I’ll see you soon. I can’t wait.


Gabriel Matthew Williams
April 22, 2008
3:11 am
6 lbs 14 oz
20.5 inches