Tuesday, February 24, 2009

3 more days

Hi friends. Well, I have to admit I'm not doing so well these last couple days. The baby seems to be doing fine, but his mommy, on the other hand, is a basketcase. I can't explain why. The doctors and nurses keep reassuring me that everything looks good, but I just can't wrap my head around that and frankly think to myself, "Yeah, yeah, talk is cheap." I hate feeling that way, and I hate that I'm letting Satan get his hands on me like that. I know you guys are all praying, and I just want to thank you so much for that. I can't imagine what kind of shape I'd be in without it. I'm on the verge of tears most of the time - sometimes out of fear, and sometimes out of awe at how many people are loving on and praying for us. It blows my mind, just like it did when all you guys were doing the same for us after Gabe died. I'm hoping this is finally our happy ending beginning.

We had an ultrasound this morning, and everything looks encouraging for the most part - plenty of amniotic fluid, good blood flow through the umbilical cord. The only concerning thing (to me, not to them so much) is that he is measuring small by a couple weeks. They are estimating 5 lbs, 9 oz, but those ultrasounds can be off by a pound or so either way. My main concern with a low birth weight is that his lungs may not be as strong, and that he may have trouble breastfeeding and lose more weight. With a baby that small, losing weight is a scary thing. Gabe was 6 lbs, 14 oz, so I was hoping this one would follow suit. That was pretty good for a 37 week old baby. Maybe the ultrasound was wrong, and he'll be bigger. I just don't want to hurt him by taking him early, but we don't really have any other choice. If I had to go til the end, they would have to put me in some sort of facility for the clinically PSYCHO.

On a lighter note, I have discovered that in addition to the general fear and anxiety about the baby's survival and health, I am also starting to get anxious about the actual delivery. This really surprises me. I've been through it all before, and physically, it was not so bad, so I haven't really dreaded it... until now. I had a dream last night that Matt Lauer came into my hospital room holding the HUGE epidural needle. I climbed up on the filing cabinet and started yelling at him, "You're not an anesthesiologist! You're Matt Lauer! I want to see a resident! Bring me a resident!" I don't know why Matt Lauer. And I don't know why there was a filing cabinet in my hospital room.

In other news, Matt broke his wrist last night. He went to play a pick-up game of basketball at church, tried to stop a guy from getting a lay-up, got knocked down (the guy was a little more solid than originally suspected), and fell on his wrist. It did not swell up very badly (we immediately put ice on it), and he slept through the night, so I thought it was probably just sprained or something. However, we went to the doctor today just to make sure (he's been waiting for 19 months to hold that baby with two arms), and it's broken!!! He's at the orthopedist now. I don't know what kind of cast it will be, and I'm bummed for him having to get his first baby snuggles that way. But I'm also thankful we didn't put it off and got it taken care of.

I guess that's it for now. I'll post again before Friday, and assuming the hospital has wi-fi, Sarah or Shaina will keep you guys updated about how things are going. Please continue to pray. I feel like I have an elephant sitting on my chest all the time. I'm so ready.


Laura said...

Just wanted you to know that I'm still praying for you and baby! God is good!

brightleigh said...

Girl, what did you eat that night before you had that Matt Lauer dream? What a hoot that is! If it makes you feel any better, they "guessed" Seth to weigh 8 lbs. You know how much he weighed! Also, do not get discouraged about breastfeeding when you have not tried it yet. Formula is not such a bad thing anyway--we had to supplement with it, and yes it is expensive, but you do what you have to do! We love you and are anxiously awaiting your new arrival. I hate that Matt broke his wrist...of all weeks!! You are all on our minds and our hearts. Good luck and sleep well the next few days!

Kaleena said...

Good luck! Everything will be fine! I will be praying for you.

Amy said...

They guessed Asher to be a pound less than he came out weighing. The ultrasound sizing isn't very accurate at all. As for Matt, I have the baby sling dyed and ready to go...it'll help him hold the baby with one arm. :)

j3k said...

Your in our hearts and prayers!!! I had my first one 3 weeks early and they swore he would only be 5lbs and he was 8lbs 11 oz! My second was 4 weeks early and was 6lbs 13oz. Everything will go smooth I can just feel it :) I breastfed all 4 of mine and the first few days with each one of them were a bit trying but only because they each had to get into their own groove with me. It will all be good and you can do it!!! You are in my prayers and I will keep you and your family there!

Hearts and Hugs
The Wimsett's

Katherine said...

I've never been induced, so I don't know what it feels like to KNOW it's going to happen at an exact time. But having done it three times, I can tell you that I felt the same way you do through what I thought were the last days or so of each pregnancy. In other words, I think you'd be having a mix of fear, excitement, wonder, apprehension, crazy dreams, etc., even if you hadn't had your experience with Gabe. I had three similar pregnancies with three strikingly different deliveries, all three good and bad in their own ways. I pray that this will be a magnificent experience for you, that it will glorify the Lord and honor Gabe and his memory, that you will feel a renewed peace each moment as you navigate the days and hours left before you head to the hospital. I pray that the Lord will watch over you and the medical team that will be leading you through this life-changing experience, and that He will bless you with the freedom to feel all the happiness you will naturally want to feel as you deliver this new, little, precious life into the world. You and Matt are going to be amazing parents, and I can't wait to meet Little One once he arrives. We love you so much!

Lauren said...

we could twitter it, too. you can update that via cell phone. i'm already hooked up to that and love it for quick updates.

LeeAnn said...

I heard this verse on the radio this morning related to how we handle times of change or uncertainty. It ministered to me and I thought it might do the same for you:

Deuteronomy 31:6 (TNIV)
6 Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you."

This is such a wonderful promise from God that I hope you can cling to in the next few days.

We'll continue to be praying!

And poor Matt, he will never live down the fact that he got out of the first few weeks of diapers!!

Love you guys!

Anonymous said...

Well, here's a little more reassurance about the weight...Hannah was 3 weeks early and they said she would only be 6 lbs and she weighed 8 lbs 7 oz!
I am praying for His peace for you sweet Patrice...and rest in the coming days to prepare you for sweet baby boy!
Tell Matt to be careful and I'm praying he's not in too much pain...
God bless you both with His care!
Aimee Pence

Katie said...

Everything will be fine. And if he is small, and doesn't latch well right away, then you'll deal with it. You'll use a shield or you'll pump and bottle feed for a little while until he's up to it, or *gasp* you'll supplement with a little formula for a bit b/c despite how much you want to breastfeed, you want him to be healthy and gain weight. It's not the end of the world. I know you have an plan in mind of how you want things to work out, but God laughs. Everything you thought or knew you were going to do is getting ready to going to go flying out the window and life will be by the seat of your pants--and it's WONDERFUL! And this is coming from me-Super Type A. :) You will be fine and your little boy will be fine.

Jill said...

Will be watching for updates tomorrow.
Love you so much.