Precious Vanessa

This was Vanessa's status earlier today.

This morning:
I woke up early this morning in a panic because I couldn't find Anton. I couldn't remember which bed I put him in to sleep. Then I realized he was gone and my heart broke all over again...

I can normally get though the day okay but waking up in the mornings is the worst. It's when I first wake up that it hits me... That it really happened and he isn't here...

I miss him so much.

This evening:

Anton's plane just landed in Texas. I know he is in Heaven but the thought of his little body being in a different state than me is too much to handle.

Guys, can you even imagine? I can a little. I remember the morning after Gabe's funeral was the worst - realizing that I could never touch or feel him again... never again hold him in my arms. Now to imagine having to do that with a child I got to know and love about breaks my heart in two. Will you pray for my dear friend? Mornings are the absolute worst, and if you've ever lost someone so close to you, you know that feeling when you wake up and realize it's NOT a nightmare and the grief physically presses in on you to the point where you feel like you can't breathe. And you relive it all again, and it's almost too much to bear.

My body is in North Carolina but parts of my heart are in Minnesota and Texas. I can divide mine into three parts. Hers is shattered into a million pieces. Will you pray for my friend?

Many have asked how to help, and Vanessa has requested that as people feel led, to please contribute to Dr. Tolar's continuing groundbreaking research. When you would ask Anton what he wanted to be when he grew up, he would say that he wanted to be just like Dr. Tolar and find a cure for EB. His research and trial are the closest thing we've ever had to a cure. We are close. I can feel it. And Anton was a part of that.

If you would like to contribute in honor of Anton, to help realize his dream, you can do so HERE (you can also read more details here as well). 

Thank you for your continued prayers for peace and comfort. They will be moving back to Texas on Tuesday so please be in prayer for all of that too. They're having to say goodbye to their Minnesota family and their home for the last 10 months and going home without Anton. 

Lord, wrap them tightly. Fill those grief suffocating spaces with your life giving breath and sustenance. Hem them in on all sides and make each moment bearable enough to survive to the next. Give them moments of joy in the mourning. Moments of laughter in the sadness. Fill their hearts with the joy of who Anton was and comfort them in their brokenness.

Beautiful Anton

I sent my family to church without me, which I never do... because sometimes you just need a minute, you know? I've needed several over the last week and a half.

I'm sure many of you have heard by now, but for those of you who haven't, Sweet Anton went to be with Jesus last night. Do you remember him? I first saw his picture and found out he needed a forever family in early February of 2011. I have NEVER in my life felt so pricked and so immediately called to do something as I did the first time I saw his face. On that day he stole a piece of my heart and I knew I would never be the same.

Do you remember what happened next? Do you remember how God moved? Do you remember how He used me AND YOU and so many beautiful, wonderful, life-giving, love-exuding people to fight for Anton? To give him hope and a future? Do you remember how we came together to find him a family, started Hope for Anton and fundraised to bring him home? Do you remember how God used us to change a little boy's life forever? Do you remember the God story?

Do you remember when I had never met Vanessa but she came here and lived with us for a week to learn everything she could about EB? We met for the first time when I picked her up at the airport and that day she stole a piece of my heart and I knew I would never be the same. She is one of the most incredible people I've ever met and we were instant friends, even sisters.

Do you remember how God entwined our lives and wrote a beautiful story of love, redemption and faithfulness that changed not only Anton, not only their family's life, but ours as well? Her story became mine and my story became hers and God did something so big it took my breath away and I wondered in awe why in the world He would let me be a part of something so amazingly spectacular. 

Do you know how I have loved that child as if he were my very own from the moment I saw his face? Do you know how the light he gave to the world changed it forever and how it is ever so much darker now that he is gone? 

I got to travel to Minnesota over the weekend to see him and tell him goodbye. I can't believe I had to tell him goodbye.

                         

And now he's gone. And I know where he is and that he no longer suffers. I know that God is good and Anton is healed and whole and running and jumping and playing and wrestling. I know that he's met his older sisters by now and hopefully even run into Gabe and Tripp. I know he's in the arms of Jesus.

But my heart is breaking. I miss his voice and his light that radiated from Russia to Texas to Minnesota and back again. I miss his silliness and his sheer will to fight and live. I miss the happiness he unleashed wherever he went... and even where he didn't. One day I'll be okay. But today is not that day. I miss Anton. As Vanessa said, he charmed the world.

And we will never be the same.

anton update

Anton will have his g-tube surgery at 8:00am Texas time on Monday morning. I'm flying out tomorrow (Saturday) to help them out for a few days. I'll come back Wednesday morning. I'm looking forward to meeting Sweet Anton and seeing these folks again...

And I get to stay with Shawn and Jen, you know, my friends WHO MOVED TO TEXAS.

And I'm really (really, really, really) happy about that.

Yet, somehow, every time I think about being away from Jonah for four days, I tear up and almost can't contain myself. We will be Skyping A LOT.

They did do an ECHO on Anton and his heart is completely normal. Praise God! However, they discovered his stomach is transverse, which could complicate things some with surgery. They don't seem overly concerned though, so we're trying not to be either. Please keep Anton in your prayers. I'll try to post an update after surgery on Monday. Thank you all so much!

If you're interested in reading the posts from Jonah's g-tube surgery, it was in late April of 2010. You can just use the blog archive over to the right.

Glory to God in the Highest!

Introducing...

Anton Ezekiel Delgado

We've had to be really really quiet and lay low about what's been going on with Anton until it was official, but I wanted to let you know that Anton, who over two years ago, was abandoned in a hospital, an orphan, alone in the world, is on his way home today with his Mommy. On the way to meet up with his Daddy and siblings, to his forever family.

After so much time waiting, trying, praying, fundraising, persevering, and trusting their God, Jason and Vanessa are happy to say that Anton is wholly, officially, 100% their son! Anton is doing well and has really surprised everyone with how great he has transitioned to Vanessa's care. This was her third trip to Eastern Europe, so they've really gotten to do some great bonding. She left for her third trip on March 12th, and is coming home WITH ANTON today (they are 9 or 10 hours ahead of us).

I had to take down my Anton posts months ago, when we learned we needed to not use his name is association with theirs until things were official, but I've republished them now. I ask that you specifically read this one if you want to read an amazing story of God's providence and blessings.

HE IS SO GOOD, y'all. Praise God from whom ALL blessings flow, especially today for the blessing of Anton's sweet little life! Glory, glory, glory! I'm just so happy I can barely stand it. I would give just about anything to be on my way to Texas right about now... Praise you, Lord. Thank you.

If you'd like to keep up with Anton, you can visit the Delgado's blog HERE.

the last couple of days

Jonah's had an okay day. He's been pretty fussy and really ticked that he had to come inside when it got too hot. It bugs me that 80 degrees and BEAUTIFUL is too hot for him. We are both going to lose it this summer. I have had a killer sinus headache most of the day, so I've been pretty pissy and unpleasant myself. Jonah is in bed and I am soon behind him. Tomorrow is a new day! On a bright note, Matt took Thursday afternoon and all day today off from work to watch basketball, so it's been really great to have his help, but most of all his company, these last couple days.


I don't know where this week has gone. It was Saturday and all of a sudden it's Friday. Some of them drag on and on but this one has flown by. On Wednesday, one of my best friend's daughter's had surgery on her ear (they had to remove some sort of cyst and hope to restore her hearing in that ear with an additional surgery down the road). Matt stayed with Jonah on Wednesday night, so I could go for a visit. She was so tired and grumpy, and I felt so sad because usually she is wearing a contagious smile and has a bubbly spirit... just like her mommy. I saw her today though, and she's feeling MUCH better.

Last night, I went to my friend Lindsey's house for our monthly scrapbooking (cropping?... that sounds so weird) night. I did four pages in three and a half hours. I got stuck on my first two page spread and Lindsey and I had some serious catching up to. The hang out time is just as, if not more, important than the scrapbook progress. I've switched to Matt's Aunt Katherine's block template style and I'm loving it! No real need for embellishment, which I'm really bad at. The photos can speak for themselves, and all you have to really do is a title and a journal box. Here are the pages I did last night.

(Yes, I'm doing pages of October 2009 in March 2011. What's your point?)


Anyway, things are okay. Jonah is still coughing at night, and his breathing is not right during the day or night. He's now sleeping with a humidifier, a Vicks plug-in, Vicks on his feet with socks, and Triaminic in his system. I know it's not recommended for kids his age, but I gave him a small, safe dose and we are desperate. MUST PROTECT THE TRACHEA. I'm excited to see his new ENT on the 7th and discuss a plan for when this happens, seeing as how it happens every few weeks. I'm thinking an inhaler or breathing treatments may be involved. Poor buddy. I'm so afraid that the more it happens, the more permanent damage he may have. Praying that I'm wrong. I know it's in God's hands, but for goodness sakes, I need someone to be proactive about this. We are not in a good pattern.


Hope you all have a blessed weekend. It's going to be a busy week on Hope For Anton, so make sure you subscribe or put it in Google Reader or whatever it is you do, so you can keep up! 

sick again :(

Photos from our friend David's birthday party from this weekend. Ever since then, Jonah will tell me, "Sing," and I have to sing "Happy Birthday" over and over again. When I pause after the word, "Dear," he sings "Daaa-pid", and then I finish up. It is pretty much THE cutest thing I've ever seen. We love you, Dapid.

The birthday boy!

Big brother Micah.

She went home today. I don't want to talk about it.

My best good friend and her beautiful Mommy.

Three generations. Elizabeth, I could eat you with a spoon.

I'm frustrated tonight. Jonah is sick again. Coughing like crazy, throwing up meals, not sleeping well (b/c of the cough) and has already damaged his airway (again, the coughing). The doctor's suggestion? Benadryl. I will be seeking a second opinion. I currently have him on an expectorant during the day, Delsym at night, some kind of natural honey cough med that Matt picked up at Whole Foods, and I had to give him a steroid dose tonight. After one day of coughing, he is already struggling to breathe and has stridor. This is ridiculous.

And did I mention that the "L" and "J" key tops have popped off on my computer and I can't get them back on?

And that I've gained five pounds in the last two weeks?

And that I spent a ridiculous amount of time today on the phone with the Social Security Office and DirecTV ("I just want to cancel. You aren't going to convince me. Your price goes up every two months. You replaced our DVR box for "free" but charged us $19.99 to ship it. It took three days. We had to pay $15 for a remote that broke by no fault of ours. I don't think it's right I have to pay $6.00 a month if I want to insure your crappy equipment. Please just set the cancel appointment. Now.").

AND VANESSA WENT HOME.

I said I don't want to talk about it.

vanessa

My beautiful new friend has to go home tomorrow.

We have had a wonderful week, and I will miss her terribly. 


Texas, you are REALLY starting to get on my nerves.


I love you so much, Vanessa. I thank God for our friendship and for that sweet little boy across the world who brought us together.

anton's story, part one

I really don't want to write this story, because I know I'll leave things out and that there's no way I can do it justice. I'm sitting down without much idea of how this will go, but my prayer is that God will be in my words, and show you the beauty of this story though my words be lacking...


There is so much in my head these days. About God. About Life. About our purpose here. I am being convicted (tortured?) left and right, and I have felt so restricted. I just mean that I have made excuses to God - why I can't be used, why I'm not the one He would want, all the things I'm not able to do with my "limited" life.


And then, on February 8, 2011, God said, "Shut it. Get your lazy butt up, stop making excuses and DO something." Or something like that. But let me back up...


Do you guys know Kristy? She is a mommy of five with an amazing (often heartbreaking) story. In July of 2005, she gave birth to her second son, Isaac, who had a severe brain defect and lived only six days. (He also had blistering and sloughing skin, but nobody knew what it was.) They were told he had contracted a virus in utero and that his condition was not genetic. In February of 2008, she gave birth to her fourth son, Asher, who also died from the same brain condition. Kristy has vulnerably and honestly shared her grief journey and how God has led her and her family through the valley. She began blogging her journey in November of 2007 when they found out that Asher was not going to live.


I found Kristy's blog through a click here then here then here sort of situation soon after my Gabe died in April of 2008. I soon lost it in the vastness of cyberspace but never forgot her story or her boys. 


Vanessa found Kristy's blog and my blog in the Fall of 2008, soon after she found out, at 19 weeks, that her conjoined twins had a zero chance of survival. Vanessa and Kristy became friends on Facebook shortly after Vanessa's sweet girls, Melody and Madison, were born and passed away on November 11, 2008. 


In February of 2009, I gave birth to Jonah and my blog really started getting traffic due to his rare diagnosis and prayer requests and mentions from Facebook and other bloggers.


On June 1, 2009, Kristy gave birth to her daughter, Hope. Hope did not have the brain defect that Isaac and Asher had but had some sort of skin condition. I started getting comments on the blog. Readers who read both of our blogs asked me to go show Kristy's family some support. They soon diagnosed sweet Hope with Epidermolysis Bullosa, yet another rare genetic disorder.


God led me to Kristy's blog again. I haven't lost it since. :) Kristy and I soon became Facebook friends and became close through our EB connection. I sent her diapers. She sent me baby food. We've just tried to love on and support each other any way we could think of. (And she tempts me with awesome books she's reading and then I have to go buy them and read them too.)


In January of 2010, sweet Anton, a child with Epidermolysis Bullosa, was born as one in a set of twins a world away. He was abandoned by his parents at the hospital and became an orphan.


In the summer of 2010, Kristy came to Texas to meet up with some other mommy bloggers who had all lost babies. Their reunion was taking place 15 minutes from Vanessa's house. Vanessa joined them and was able to meet Kristy face to face, after having read her blog for a year and a half.


All through January and February of 2011, God moved my heart. We agonized that we couldn't adopt Anton ourselves, but I knew that God was asking me to help. On Friday, February 4th, 2011, I first blogged about Anton. He had been in the hospital for a year. I didn't know what to do. On February 7th, I once again blogged about Anton, pleading with folks to spread his story. It wasn't enough. What was I supposed to be doing? How could I help? The Holy Spirit just wouldn't leave me alone. I prayed that God would give me wisdom and guidance. Please, show me what it is.


On February 8, 2011, God gave Kristy, Vanessa, and me a big ol' face slappin'. In that ONE day, Anton's post and PayPal button went up on Reece's Rainbow, I started the Hope for Anton fundraising blog, Kristy, who had found out about Anton from my blog, posted about him and posted his Reece's Rainbow link, and Vanessa... well, God made her get on Facebook after a three to four month hiatus. Vanessa had given up Facebook and had not been on IN MONTHS. This particular day, she just got on to suggest two of her friends to each other to try to connect them for a possible job opportunity. She was scrolling through her news feed, and there was a post from Kristy about Anton. Vanessa clicked on his photo, and read his story on Reece's Rainbow. She immediately knew that he was her son. After talking and praying with her husband, she called Kristy. She first left Kristy a voicemail and later found out that the reason Kristy had not answered the phone was because she was rocking Hope to sleep. As she rocked (and Vanessa was leaving her a voicemail), Kristy was praying that God would clearly show them their role in Anton's life. Kristy called Vanessa back and both women cried as Vanessa told her the news. Immediately the Delgados began pursuing sweet Anton. Vanessa soon contacted me, we became Facebook friends, and I invited her to come and stay a week with us as soon as possible.


Last Sunday, I picked Vanessa up from the airport. She began her "EB Training" immediately. All the while her adoption agency was working with Reece's Rainbow on their case. By Friday morning (yesterday), it was official. Vanessa and Jason were Anton's committed family. She was here with me when we found out. We toasted with pieces of bacon.


Sometimes our God is a God of subtleties. But sometimes, SOMETIMES, God obviously and intricately weaves a story so amazing and beautiful, it takes your breath away. Sometimes He takes three women from three different states and links them together through the loss of their five babies and through an incredibly rare genetic disorder that most everyone has never heard of. Sometimes, when we think that good could NEVER come from things so awful and we think we'll never come through the Valley of the Shadow of Death, God is working and orchestrating something so beautiful, we could never imagine it in a million years. Did God take our babies so Anton would find his family? I don't think so. Did God allow Jonah and Hope to have EB so Anton could come home? I doubt it. But He is able to do immeasurably more than we could ever imagine to bring hope and joy out of dark places.


And as Kristy stated in this beautiful post, "Vanessa, Patrice and I all have babies waiting for us in Heaven and I can't help but think that they are smiling down, knowing that they each have served such a grand purpose."


Y'all, God is so very, very good. I pray that you know Him and know his infinite love and abounding grace. Even when all hope seems lost, it NEVER is. God is STILL in the miracle business. Open your eyes. Stop making excuses. Let Him use you. He has a beautiful story to tell and He so wants you to be a part of it. 

short and sweet

Vanessa kept the Jonut tonight so Matt and I could have a date night. We went to eat at Logan's and saw Country Strong at the $2.50 cinema. (I am now in SERIOUS need of a karaoke night. I'm for realz. Who's in?) This Vanessa arrangement seems to be working in our favor.

It's been a journey, friends. And I know it's only just beginning. I want to write out the whole story (or at least the parts I know that have happened so far), but I'm too tired tonight.

For now, here's a short dressing change post that Vanessa posted on their blog.
http://delgadosareadopting.blogspot.com/2011/03/dressing-change.html

ethiopia

I feel sad for my two Angela friends tonight. Both of them are in the process of adopting children from Ethiopia, and they've gotten some tough news. Ethiopia is about to cut their adoptions from 50 a day to 5 a day, a reduction of 90%. 


From an email Angela H. sent today:
The Ministry of Women's Affairs in Ethiopia is the main agency that handles approving cases for adoption.  They have announced that they are planning to reduce the number of international adoptions by 90% starting on March 10, 2011.  They are planning to reduce the number of cases processed each day from about 50 to 5.  The Ministry’s plan for a dramatic reduction is apparently based on two primary issues; 1) the assumption that corruption in intercountry adoption is systemic and rampant and 2) the Ministry’s resources should be focused on the children for whom intercountry adoption is not an option.

The Joint Council on International Children's Services has said that the Ministry’s plan is a tragic, unnecessary and disproportionate reaction to concerns of isolated abuses in the adoption process and fails to reflect the overwhelmingly positive, ethical and legal services provided to children and families through intercountry adoption. Rather than eliminate the right of Ethiopian children to a permanent family, we encourage the Ministry to accept the partnerships offered by governments, NGOs, and foundations. Such partnerships could increase the Ministry’s capacity to regulate service providers and further ensure ethical adoptions.

They are encouraging many to sign a petition that will go to the Prime Minister of Ethiopia.  I've included the link to the petition here.  We would appreciate your prayers for Ethiopia and the government and mostly for the orphaned children there that could very possibly be spending extended amounts of time in orphanages, transition homes, etc.  Also, please pray for the families that have already received their referrals.  They are fearful of how long they could have to wait to get court and embassy appointments to bring their sweet children home.  There is much at stake here.

Here is the link to the petition: 
http://www.gopetition.com/petition/43714.html

If you have five minutes, could you please sign this petition? I understand that they are worried about valid things, but reducing adoptions by 90% is going to hurt so many children. And can you imagine having gone through this excruciatingly long process and already being matched with a child (or even on the waiting list) and not being able to get your son or daughter home. It just breaks my heart to think about it.

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On another adoption note, a new fundraiser will go up on the Hope for Anton blog in the morning. Creative Memories! This one's for you, Crafties. 

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We're still having a great week. Vanessa and I feel like we've known each other forever and have discussed everything from our favorite Tex-Mex or who has the best milkshake to parenting and having Godly marriages. It has been amazing having her, and I will really miss her when she has to go back home. But God is working so much, and I just can't wait to share in more detail all the neat things that have happened this week. 

Vanessa helped with dressing change today and dressed an arm and a leg all by herself. She's a natural! I know God is equipping her to be an EB mommy. 

A few photos from Vanessa's camera from yesterday.

I didn't know the focus was on manual. Oops.

the last couple of days

Short and sweet.


We've had a good couple of days. Yesterday, feeding therapy. Today, two year check-up. Vanessa is learning a ton, has a nine tab notebook, and is taking videos and photos left and right. Today and tomorrow we're working on getting her some Texas EB contacts, and she'll help with her first dressing change tomorrow. Exciting things are happening, God is working, He is so, so, so faithful.


Thank you so much for your continued prayers.


Trying to teach Jonah to feed himself in feeding therapy yesterday. He did great. (This never would have happened four months ago.) Still not eagerly eating food or eating anywhere near enough to get decent calories, but he didn't act like we were killing him, so I'll take it!

Waiting and waiting and waiting at the doctor's office today.

Tickle, tickle. (Thanks for the photos, Vanessa!)

And then, we went a swangin'.

Oh my word. Those eyes. Sigh.

(He fell on his face - twice - this weekend. This unstable walking stage is killer.)