taking it down

Yesterday afternoon I hung our stockings. All four of them.


This morning I woke up and felt like it was time to take Gabriel's down.

I don't know why. I don't know why I've needed it up the last two years. I don't know why God is saying it's time to put it away now.


I cried as I took it down. It doesn't feel right, not having it hanging there with the rest of our family's.


But I know it's the right thing for us. So I put it in his box, with all the other cards, treasures, memories of him that I'll cherish forever. 

Remembering Gabe is important. But finding joy in the right now and experiencing it fully are LIFE.


So I'll cling to the joy of now and to the hope of the future. Like Matt said this morning as we were emailing back and forth about this, "We have another life to spend with Gabe." Eventually we'll all be together. Although there is an enormous part of me that can't wait for that day, there is a very real and important part of me that has to find complete contentment and joy in what God has given me in this very moment.


"I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full." John 10:10


Thanks for listening. It's been a surprisingly emotional morning. Funny how it hits in spurts and waves, unexpected, unstoppable, painful, but still desperately needed, beautiful. Like God allows us to have these moments of intense mourning, just when we're afraid we might be forgetting somehow. I miss that kid.

thanksgiving, part two

Thanksgiving started out kind of rough. My little sister, Shaina, had to be taken to the hospital by an ambulance (Mom couldn't get her into the car) with severe back pain. Turns out it was a kidney stone, which she apparently passed shortly after getting to the hospital. She was in excruciating pain, and finally, after a CT scan and two doses of morphine, was feeling better and was released from the ER. I helped Mom get her back home so by the time I got to Thanksgiving dinner, there was no time for photos of food or otherwise. I went straight to stuffing my face. Apologies.

We spent Thanksgiving day with Matt's mom's side of the family in High Point. There were 14 kids in all, so we were all glad it was a nice day and they could spend some time outside. Matt's cousins, Heather and Tiffany, had come up with an outdoor exercise scavenger hunt, and it was a great way to kill some time and get some of their energy out. :)

Thirteen of the fourteen kiddos. Baby Amelia was inside gettin' lots of lovin'.

On Saturday night, we all went to the Tanglewood Festival of Lights. Aunt Patsy had reserved a hay ride through the lights. We got in before all the traffic started, and it was so fun. We sang Christmas carols, and Jonah had a ball! He especially loved the old train they had all lit up with lights, and every archway we went under was a "tunnel!"

Afterwards, we went back to Aunt Patsy's house for our annual Dirty Santa christmas ornament swap. Jonah was lucky number 7.

Checking out the ceiling fan (hecitopter) with Grandaddy.

After the game we had dessert and tube fed Jonah. Not sure what I did hear to tick off His Majesty, but he was not happy with me.

We had a really nice Thanksgiving, but I started getting a sore throat last night and am feeling crappy today. Hope I'm not getting sick. I had big Christmas decorating plans for this week.

Uh oh. Gotta run. His Majesty beckons.

thanksgiving, part one

Yesterday we went up to my Maw Maw and Paw Paw's house to celebrate an early Thanksgiving with them, my dad, and his wife, Janet. Aunt Sarah and Aunt Shaina came too, so Jonah was pretty much in Heaven. Pop tried to take an after lunch nap, but Jonah wouldn't allow it.

We had a rough week last week. Something was off with Jonah and he was a PILL. Thankfully, Friday morning he woke up and was back to his normal self. It was a good thing. I'm not known for my patience. He didn't act sick or anything but since Friday, he's been a lot more hoarse than usual (indicates swelling or blistering around his voice box), so maybe he was and I just didn't know it. So far his breathing is still okay, so unless that becomes an issue, I'm not too worried.

I'm sorry I'm not blogging as much. I just really feel strongly about not blogging just for blogging sake, so I'm sure that's going to mean times of lots of blogging and sometimes blogging breaks. We're having a really nice Fall so far, and all of Matt's family will be arriving on Wednesday, staying through Sunday, for the Thanksgiving holiday.

Every day I'm so thankful for so many things, but I love having a designated time to celebrate thankfulness (and carb loading). Hope you all have a great Thanksgiving week!

Here are some photos from yesterday. I love Paw Paw's farm. It is so peaceful there, and I'm a farm girl at heart, so it lets me live vicariously through them. :)

This next photo is my I have a 35mm lens on my wish list. Sarah is in this photo too but I couldn't back up enough to get her in it. Stupid walls.

I love them so much.

Ha ha ha ha! :)

I will treasure this photo forever.

guest post for TMOM

I did another guest post for Triad Moms On Main today.

You can read it HERE.

Hope you have a chance to stop by!

Giveaway has ended... Kindle Fire Reminder (proceeds to Anton's fund)

The giveaway has ended. Congratulations Tony D. we will be contacting you by email.


We were able to raise $1145!!! Thank you so much to everyone who donated and spread the word about the giveaway!  
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Reposting about the Kindle Fire Giveaway being held to raise money for Anton's adoption. Remember, an entry is only $5.00 or you can share it on FB, your blog or Twitter (make sure you leave a comment if you do any of those so you will be entered). You have until the 18th (FRIDAY) to enter!

We are giving-away a KINDLE FIRE!

Participate in this fun ‘givaway’ for a Kindle Fire and help bring Anton home!!  

Don’t need a Kindle for yourself?  Participate anyway, and consider this as a wonderful Christmas gift for a loved one!!  Think about how far a $5.00 donation can go… one less Starbuck’s coffee, one less happy meal,  that is it!!!!

WHAT IS A KINDLE FIRE?
Coming November 15, 2011.

Details (from Amazon):
Full color 7'' multi-touch display, with wi-fi

18 million movies, TV shows, songs, magazines, and books Thousands of popular apps and games Ultra-fast web browsing - Amazon Silk Free cloud storage for all your Amazon content Vibrant color touchscreen with extra-wide viewing angle Fast, powerful dual-core processor A video demo!

(For more product information, click HERE!)

HOW TO ENTER:

- For every $5.00 you donate, your name will be entered. ($20 = 4 chances)

- All proceeds to Anton's adoption fund!

- Tweet about the giveaway (make sure you leave a comment letting us know you did this)

-Share the giveaway on FB (make sure you leave a comment to let us know you did this)

-Post a blog about the giveaway (make sure you leave a comment to let us know you did this)

- The winner will be chosen by Random.org.  The winner will be contacted through their PayPal email address. If the winner does not respond within THREE days, a new winner will be chosen.

- You may submit entries until November 18, 2011.

- You must be a United States resident to be eligible for the Kindle Fire.

Don’t Miss Out On This Opportunity!  Spread the Word- FACEBOOK IT! TWEET IT! BLOG IT!
Or any other way you can spread the word for Anton!!! Thank you so much for your help!

Remember, you have until November 18th!

shwoo

I love our Sunday morning worship times. Our preacher, Jon, uses so much scripture and is so transparent, authentic, powerfully to-the-point and challenging. Every Sunday, coming away, I always have a lot to chew on and am inspired to love Jesus and others better.

This morning, our sermon was on living faithfully, especially during times of trial, praying and trusting in God's power to do the unbelievable, and living in the hope that comes from that. A reminder that if our faith is in Jesus, we can look beyond circumstances and trials, and live in hope anyway, even when it seems impossible.

Among a few other illustrations, Jon read this post I had written when Jonah was only a few days old.

can i get a woo woo?

Patrice, why on earth are you up writing a post at 4 am?

Why, you ask?

Because we just called the hospital to check on Jonah during my early morning pumping session and the nurse - beautiful, wonderful, heroic, ever-striving-forward Sabrina - reported to us that Jonah ate like a champ his last feeding. She estimates that he took AND SWALLOWED about 4 of the 5 cc's that she gave him tonight. One suck was so loud, she heard it outside of his isolette. Wow! God continues to answer very specific prayers, doesn't He? Are we surprised??? (that was rehtorrical of course)

... could be the Zantac.
... could be he's figured it out.
... could be just a one time thing.
... could be my Awesome Savior, Jesus Christ of Nazareth.

I choose number four. Yes, that's my final answer.

Thank you sweet Jesus for this  small huge victory in little Jonah's life. You continue to give him so much strength and will to survive. Maybe it's only a one time thing. Maybe it's a breakthrough. Either way, it's great news for one happy, happy set of parents. Thank you for your grace and your sweet mercies. They are new EVERY morning, even at 4 am.

Praise be to Yaweh Jireh - MY God, HE provides.

And then they showed this video I posted a couple of weeks ago.

(insert ugly Mommy sobbing here)

And then, at the end of the sermon, they played this song...


... which made me imagine praising God in His very presence, with a beautifully healed Jonah and a very alive Gabe by my side.

(insert more ugly Mommy sobbing)

God is so good. He has brought us so far. We have so much to be thankful for. And I'm especially thankful for that reminder this morning.

thankful

I prayed for this child, 

and the LORD has granted me 

what I asked of Him.