Thursday, July 7, 2011

last weekend

UPDATE: I feel much better tonight. I'm sorry for being such a pill. :) I choose joy. 

I feel like last weekend was forever ago. It's been a long three and a half days. We had some friends over last Friday night, which was awesome. We love hanging with Mike and Jill, and Mike gave me a guitar lesson while he was here, so I can finally move forward now. I know four chords, one strumming pattern, and how to tune my guitar. So that's something, right? I can't remember what we did the rest of the weekend (I'm not even kidding), but we didn't make it to church since Jonah had a cold. My brother and his family came Sunday evening, so we all had dinner at my mom's, and then Peyton and Amy came over and helped us put together some of the boys' furniture. Matt and Peyton got the bunk beds together while Amy and I did one of the dressers. For the most part it went smoothly, but I'll refrain from telling you how long it took them to get the ladder attached to the beds, that I broke the backing of the dresser and like four dowel thingies and ended up using concrete adhesive to just glue that part of the dresser back together, and that once we go the mattress on the bottom bed, we realized it was WAY too thick and almost touched the top bunk. I'll also refrain from telling you that there is no way there is room to unbunk the beds so we ended up taking the slats out and the mattress is sitting on the floor, the top of it resting flush with the frame. Because that would be frustrating, and I'm trying not to be frustrated today. It will look cute when we're done, but still some kinks to work out.

Anyway, Peyton, Amy, the kids, and Mom watched the parade from her house Monday morning, but since we had to do dressing change, we just met them over there for lunch. It was a fun Sunday evening/Monday, and I was really glad to spend some quality time with Peyton and Amy. I miss them and don't get to hang out with them nearly as much as I would like. Amy's birthday was Sunday, so we had a little mini-party for her at Mom's when we did dinner.

I've been struggling since Monday with not feeling motivated, energetic, and thankful. I'm mostly down the last few days, dwelling more on every blister, every fall, and every eb's-not-fair-because-we-can't-do-this-or-this-or-this thing. I struggle as I read my friends' tweets, facebook posts, and blogs, as they describe story time at the library, going to the kids' movie specials (both in the morning, so are out for us), the pool, beach vacation or whatever it is. I feel like EB takes everything from us in the summer. The (cuss word) ice cream truck just passed, and I can't even let that be a treat for Jonah because my child won't eat. We're missing out on family vacation this week, we don't get to go to the pool, we can't play outside, and we miss out on all the morning time indoor things because of feedings and bandage changes. And on Saturday I'm selling all of the beautiful little boy clothes that were given to me in a time of hope and excitement that were never worn, by either of my children. And it pisses me off. I want to be grateful and thankful. I really do. But right now, I'm in a grumpy mood, and I hate summer. I do okay in May and June but by the time July hits, I start to lose it. Knowing we have two and a half more months of this heat makes me sick.

I'm over it. (oops... so much for not being frustrated. sorry.)

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