Saturday, December 11, 2010

happy birthday to me. here, have some new underpants.

Yesterday was my 29th birthday, and it was a great day. My mom dropped off her delicious pasta salad that I love and some pound cake on her way to work. Jonah slept an hour later than normal. Then, my friend, Sue Ann, my dressing change help for the day, brought me Panera Broccoli Cheese Soup and some French bread. She also gifted me with some really pretty, unique dangly earrings. I love big earrings. 


Matt gave me two new CD's I've been wanting - J.J. Heller and Gungor. Look them up. They are both so good. And tonight, Matt took Jonah duty so my lifelong best friend, Kathryn, and I could go out to dinner. While we were gone, he set up our Christmas tree train for me. Jonah is really into trains right now, so I hope he loves it. Either that or it's going to make him scream. It's really loud.


It sounds pretty much like the perfect day, right? Almost. During Jonah's nap time I went downstairs to print out some coupons for my huge grocery trip I did yesterday afternoon (we were in there for almost an hour and a half... Jonah was AWESOME!). The UPS man came during that time and Deac started barking his head off. He really hates the UPS folks. I came running up the stairs, yelling at him to shut it before he woke Jonah up. Just as I got to the front door, my feet flew out from under me (clean floors and sock-feet don't mix) and I slammed down on my tail bone. Thankfully, the UPS guy had already turned his back, so he didn't come back. THAT would have been even more embarrassing. More embarrassing than what, you ask? More embarrassing than the fact that AS SOON AS I made contact with the floor, I totally peed my pants. (Insert eye rolling and grimaces of all friends and family members that wish I wouldn't share quite so much on the old blawg.) It's like, after birthing two children, you don't even have the option of holding it. There was no urge to pee or even a thought of "Oh no, I'm going to wet my pants." It was just, slip, boom, PEE instantaneously. Crazy phenomenon if you ask me. So there, for those of you who have missed the humor on this blog, I give you "Patrice wetting her pants." You're welcome.


I knew, because of all that we've been through these past three years, we were aging exponentially emotionally and spiritually. I did not, however, think that I was aging that fast physically too. It seems all I want need for my (29th!) birthday is a walker, a LifeCall emergency button (I've fallen and I can't get up!) to wear around my neck, and some Depends.


Please don't forget the Depends. 

41 comments:

Wanda Wilkinson said...

You are too.too funmy. Yep,29 &you are ready for the old folks home (haha). I am glad to hear that 99% of your birthday day was great. I hope you have a wonderful weekend with Matt & Jonah. Love you

Katie said...

There was this one time, I was on the phone with my friend when she fell on her butt and peed her pants...

Oh wait. That was you.

Jennifer said...

Happy Birthday, Patrice! Just wait until you turn 40!!!! I love you and am glad your day was nearly perfect!
Jennifer in Southeast, NC
where one dog also hates all persons delivering packages.....(the other could wag all day!)

Elizabeth said...

You rock, Patrice. I've never met you...but you are awesome. You are so funny, so real, and so honest. I came to your blog just after Jonah was born when a friend of mine had a prayer request for your family. I am turning 29 this week too....I also have 2 children, I live in Winterville...though I grew up in Greensboro and went to Grimsley (my dad also coached basketball there...not sure if it was before/after you taught)...oh, and our family is full of Deacs fans too! My little boy (almost 3) just loves to see Jonah's pictures and videos. Happy Holidays and birthday you old geezer, you!

Anne Dye said...

I only know you through stalking your blog! I regularly pray for all of you! (Don't worry I'm in Italy- that's a safe distance!) Happy Birthday and thanks for the laughs!

Pam the Realtor said...

Another blog stalker here that always enjoys reading about you and your sweet family. Thank you for making me spit my coke thru my nose from laughter this morning! Happy Birthday!

Lindsay said...

ahahahaha I hope you don't mind my laughter, but I can totally empathize. I'll be 28 in April, and I feel the exact same way. Birthing two children, experiencing the loss of one of those children, trying to pick up the pieces, grieving, and a back-to-back pregnancy....sure does take a toll. I told my dad the other day that I feel like I have aged 10 years in this past year. You're not alone in the spontaneous accidents...so never fear. ;)

Happy Birthday Patrice!!

Linda said...

You are a riot. Sorry about you falling, but what an image in my head. Sure hope you didn't hurt yourself.
Glad you had a great Birthday. Wait until next year, the big 30, you really will need the depends, (only kidding).
Have a great weekend. Love you guys. Love and hugs Leah's Nana

Redeemed1 said...

Oh you are too funny! Happy Birthday. And yes, after birthing two children I have the same problem.

Shannon said...

Oh my Patrice I really hope you are ok! Ouchy, to say the least. But I do have to say that I was smircking as I read your post!!
I hope that Jonah loves the train. I do not comment often but I do read every post you make.
Happy Holidays!!

Bee said...

Happy Birthday! dont panic your not falling apart lol! you just shocked your bladder with the impact x x

biblemm said...

I just love reading your blog...And you don't know me either! I'm from PA but we pray for you and your family:) After having two children myself, I had those same issues. I knew it was time to get it fixed when we went sledding one year. I made it down the hill ONE time, and at the bottom I totally peed my pants so we had to go home. My kiddos were stunned, mommy peed her pants? Then and there I decided to see a specialist and get the bladder sling and all is right in the world! LOL

Mrs. Hoot said...

Hahaha oh I love you Patrice. This truly made me LOL.

I'm Erin. said...

Now that is some funny stuff!
Sorry bout the fall, but I'm totally with you on the bladder failures. For me, it's jumping jacks in my gym class.
If I knew how messed up my body would be at age 31, I would have tried to like it more when I was younger.
Happy Birthday!

ashpuck said...

Happy Birthday Patrice! Sorry you fell but glad you are ok and have a good since of humor.

Shari said...

I am glad your day turned out awesome at the beginning! **insert giggles here**--I have had three kids and if I cough, sneeze, puke or wait to long to go to the bathroom I so wet my pants! Panty liners to the rescue. I am much older though! :-)

the-mommy-person said...

Ooooh, man. Thanks for the laughs! I've had 4 pregnancy, 3 boys here to help me age, and sneezing for me is a guaranteed pee if I don't cross legs REALLY hard and consciously try to NOT pee. :) Just love your blog!

Maggy said...

Patrice, I don't think I've ever come out from behind the internet curtain, but I've read your blog for a while now. I've grown to love little Jonah, he's so strong!

Just wanted to say, you are freaking hilarious! :D

Penny said...

Well, to make you feel better~ I did the same thing recently, BUT in front of my kindergarten class, fellow teachers and cafeteria workers. I tugged my shirt down the rest of the afternoon. lol

Joe, Erika, Micah, and Baby Rodgers... said...

that made me laugh so hard that i am crying... thank you so much for that! i haven't laughed like that in so long : ) i needed it!

Jill said...

Patrice - You are awesome. Thank you for sharing, and giving us a laugh. Enjoy the rest of your birthday week. Just wait until you hot 30 or 35. I think I got metamucil and depends.

mamipdx said...

you manage to keep your sense of humor- i take my hat off to you! the fact that you can laugh at yourself is a huge reason you are a survivor. thanks for sharing that story!

Katherine @ Grass Stains said...

You KNOW I'm in the same boat. Actually, I don't even need to fall on my butt. I just pee on myself all the time. Good stuff.

Laura A said...

LOLOLOL!!! That is just TOO funny! And I can honestly say I'm laughing WITH you - let's just say that sneezing is always an adventure now, and doing jumping jacks when I work out? Oh my.

So happy 29th! Sounds like it was a great day despite the need for Depends! (And to echo one of the other posters, it gets even better when you hit 40!) Hope the rest of your birthday weekend is great too!

Love from TX,
Laura

Sarah Sharp said...

Sometimes kids who wet the bed at night have some bladder control nerves that are affected by the position of their tailbone. If they go to a chiopractor and have an adjustment, often the bedwetting stops. So I would be willing to bet that if you slammed on your bottom pretty hard, it could have affected that area. Just saying...

But I am 28 and have also had 2 boys in almost the same time frame as you and I have to concentrate pretty hard when I am sneezing or I will wet my pants, too. And when I start sneezing I sneeze at least a dozen times. It sucks!

melanie said...

Guess my birthday card to you featuring clean underwear was a premonition I had, huh? I must have ESPN. Glad you had a great day.

Erin said...

I am crying I am laughing so hard. I better quit, or I might wet MY pants! Hilarious!!! Happy Birthday!!

Diana said...

I've been reading your blog for a long time. I usually don't comment but your story made me came out of the lurking!! HA! Wait until you turn 40! Love seeing all of the cute pictures of Jonah and your family.

Happy belated birthday!

ryleeandnoahsmom said...

LOL! You almost made me snort my hot cocoa! I've been following your blog regularly since Jonah was a newborn, but have only commented a couple of times. Our Gracyn and Gabe were born on the same day.

Just wanted to tell you how much you made me laugh. I probably would have done the same thing, but I love your raw honesty.

Merry Christmas, girl!

Gilda said...

Happy Birthday!,sorry if i am late getting it to you. Well as for the falling incident you are very brave,and hilarious!

JenandAsh said...

I'm sorry you peed yourself, but is it ok if I say that I'm glad that there's someone else around my age having the same problems after pregnancy and childbirth.

Jenn said...

thanks for nearly making me pee my pants reading your story! remind me to bring my mop next time i come over! :) love you!

Sarah said...

You are HILARIOUS!! Poor thing. But what a great attitude!! :) And that's what it's really all about.

Ellen said...

OMG you are sooo funny!!! I love funny people!!! Happy Birthday!!

Julia said...

Patrice,

I am a reader from California. My nephew has EB and my daughter lost her daughter @ 36 weeks in 2009 . . . Your blog is wonderful for the heart and soul. Thank you so much for the tears and LAUGHTER.

Holiday blessings to you and your family.

Maheen said...

*Biting my knuckles*

Thanks, now WE'RE all peeing OUR pants reading about this!

Love that your friend has "ESPN" too!!

You guys all rock, love your blawg to bits and pieces!!

Edling's said...

Oh my goodness! Too funny! Happy birthday!

Amy said...

Oh, Patrice! I LOVE reading your blog! And I love the fact that you're not too embarrassed to share those stories with your readers. Thank you!

Happy brithday!

Amy

TLCmiracles said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
TLCmiracles said...

Oh good gravy! I'm dying here, but only because I can totally relate after having 3 kids myself. Thanks for the laugh today. Happy Birthday and Merry Christmas to all of you!

Jill said...

Practice your kegels, girl! haha happy birthday!!